There are many people who come through your life and hopefully from each of them you learn something. I try to see every experience as a lesson, what did I learn from it, also from the people in my life. Everyone is there to teach you something if you are open to learn.   My girlfriend Melva came back into my life to show me you can do anything at any age, that there are people who know what you are going through and will hold your hand and go through it with you,encouraging you all the way. . My girlfriend Giselle to show.me what a strong independent women who does it all on her own, looks like. My girlfriend Audrey to overcome.even when.you have many burdens, my girlfriend Halley to always have faith and trust your instincts, my friend Jilly jill that there is more to a person then a disease, that your incredible positive attitude can get you through anything. To my first love, who taught me to love big, to truly know a person for his soul and not what the outside world sees,how to be kind and always there for others. To my girls, who taught me undying love and to find the strength to make a change so that I may show them what a healthy relationship looks like and what true joy and peace looks like. To my Bishop, to have undying faith and my church family, that people are wonderful and embracing, and that yes you make mistakes but its ok they still love you My friend Patti that you can change your heart and open up to a whole new life, my very best friend Riccardo who never gave up on me and taught me the biggest lesson to forgive, even after you betrayed someone and broke their trust. That one was huge as I should’ve been able to ever be.friends with him again,but he forgave me and for that lesson I am eternally grateful!   Then there are others like my ex who taught me to really see the warning signs, to never give up your power,to know that you can never make anyone else happy,that it has to come from within. To Cheri who I no longer speak to because of her negativity, I realized it was sucking me dry , that some people aren’t meant to be in your life forever. They are there to also teach you lessons you don’t want to repeat.   To my God who without him none of this would be possible! To have blind faith, to believe in him and all will be done,that he has bigger dreams than I could ever dream of! I am blessed with many friends and from each of them I have learned such valuable lessons, lessons that I will have forever even if that person is no longer in your life,the lesson still resides. So what lessons are you learning?

When its time to tell your testimony

I have found my way to church about three years ago ,I was at my lowest point in my life and could not even make it through another day so I fell to my knees and asked for help,and when you ask God answers. The following day I went to work playing a gospel song I love and my co.worker said he was going to be performing at her church that week, did I want to go with her. I went and when Bishop spoke it was if God spoke through him right to me and I started crying, that wasn’t I day I turned my life over to him. (Now see how this works,I asked God opened a.door for me )

I don’t preach ,I am not a bible thumper, my religion is for me whether you have or believe is on you, I will talk about my faith when asked and I do make reference to God .and believing in my blog but I am not.one to be out there saying you need to go to church or your going to die if you don’t believe. You do you ,I’m doing me! But last night my daughter came into my room and woke me up out of a dead sleep, her best friend (my third daughter) was upset, she has been going through a bad time and was praying when all the lights went out in the house, she freaked out and thought that because she was praying god was mad because she has not been perfect.

The message at church last night was to share your testimony with others (see, how this works?) Well this was a perfect example of when to share your testimony. I told her about when I.couldn’t find a job and decided to start this business, how I asked for a sign ,that he gave me one and yet I asked for another one ,he gave me another one then I still didn’t listen and took a job I.knew in my heart wasnt what he wanted for me and after one whole day was.let go, I cried how was I going to start a new.business? How was I going to pay my bills? But I decided to believe he would take care of everything, the next day the phone started ringing and hasn’t stopped since!

When I didn’t get alimony and I was upset and asking why god ,yes he.closed that door but opened another by giving me a big contract with moving company and the contract for.someone to buy my business!

That all is possible if you believe! I want undying faith like my Bishop! I believe the next half of my life is going to be the best half of my life! I believe.with god nothing is impossible, let go and let god!

This is.my purpose,to be able to inspire others to never give up no matter how hard it gets ,that just makes your faith stronger!

At the end of.the conversation she asked if she could come.to church with me and you know what so did my daughter. I have been.praying for so long that she would find her way and yet again not on my time but on his he has answered yet another one of my prayers!

So I will keep telling everyone my testimony,I will keep trying to inspire other and I will try to be a blessing to others.

 

All I pray for is that I may matter

I pray every day that I may matter…. that one day when I am no longer here that the dash on my tombstone between my birth date and the day I was called home is about what I did here on earth,did it matter? Did it help someone? Was I a blessing to others.

The dash is the most important thing on there, where you kind to strangers, there in a time of need for friends, gave with a pure heart these are the things that are important, that matter in life.

It’s not about how big your house is, what kind of car you drive,the designer on your ass! Trust me I have been there and the price of yourself is way to high,peanut butter and jelly tastes so much better with freedom.

 

I hear people all the time say “I wish I could win the lottery, I would buy a big house, a bunch of cars,a boat, motorcycles ect ”

What I say is “do you know how many people I could help with that money?” I know first hand money doesn’t buy happiness, what you do for others gives you true happiness, there is no better feeling than giving of yourself.

One day my dream is to open a women crisis center so that I might give back and show women that they are strong enough,beautiful enough ,tough enough to do anything they set their minds to.

I write this blog to try to inspire others, this is what I want my dash to stand for… what do you want hour dash to say about you?

The next half of your life will be the best half of your life

I believe that the next half of my life will be the best half of my life, there is no doubt in my mind ! I went through my horrible season and I did so with grace, with my head held high and with the faith that God will pull me through anything that life had to throw at me I visioned what freedom would look like, I pictured myself in my own place,happy in peace being independent even on days that I hated my life and didn’t think I could go on, I could see the second half of my life.I know.all that had happened in my past was getting me ready for the second act of my life. Like an actor I had to know what my lines were I had to be prepared so that I knew what I was talking about. I know my purpose now that I am suppose to be a voice to others and share my testimony of how I was raised liked the Phoenix out of the ashes better and stronger!

I once heard my Bishop said that his faith was undying,unwavering,unstoppable and that is what I want to be like ,I have tried from that day on to be like my Bishop, live by those words so when I say I wil have a New York Times bestseller book ,I am not just wishing it,I believe it ,I know it to be true, it shall be done that is how strong my belief is ! And when I say the next half of my life will be the best half ,have the conviction behind it ,I know it is to be that way, no doubts, no fears just a undying faith and belief. So what does the second half of your life look like?

Is age just a number?

I was talking to my girlfriend from New Jersey last night and we got into the discussion about older women with younger men, how old is too old and how young is yuck!

Being new to the dating scene, this is a whole new ball game for me and I am learning quick ! I have a girlfriend who was dating someone thirteen years younger,but here’s the thing, she looks young, acts young and is hot so you would never guess her age.

I have to tell you the guys my age look and act like old men! Hey I already did ugly,fat and bald and  I do not intend to repeat it! I someone who takes care of themselves, can keep up with me and sorry is good looking, hey I am honest here! I just got out of prison here, I am looking at eye candy !

Ok that doesn’t make a man, a sense of humor is a huge turn on for me ,a big heart, romantic, but it should come wrapped in a nice package! Now stop you are all thinking the same thing, I just have the cohones to say it!

Back to the discussion, so it seems like the young men have the same activity level that women our age have so why not date younger? Its ok if both people are on the same page, like if they both dont want anymore kids, or another marriage then hey why not?

So big question how many years until you get to yuck? If a man is fifty and he’s dating a thirty four year old is that yuck or is it olny yuck if she’s twenty? ok that is yuck! But if your a hot fourty eight year old whos dating a smart, older than his age thirty three year old is that ok?

My mother was eighteen years younger than my dad and they were married forty years! She kept him young and he kept her on her toes!

So my opinion is go for it! Just make sure your both are on the same page about what you want and make sure your okay with who you are.

I don’t even remember how old I am sometimes, so for me its easy ,I know who I am now I am a smart, funny, independent, sexy as hell women who has been around the block and am good with it all! So go ahead call me a cougar, call me whatever you want, just make sure somewhere in there you call me extremely happy!!

It doesn’t matter what anyone says…

When I was young it didnt matter what anyone said about me ,it was amazing how young I learned that and how thick my skin was back then.

In high school every one said I was a whore because I hung out with alot of guys,but little did they know I was a virgin until I was eighteen,I was with my high school sweetheart for six years before we did anything. But here were these people talking shit about me,so I realized then it didn’t matter what they said I knew the truth and no matter what they would talk so I got over.it.

My ex was big on:

. “What will this one say? That one will say this if you do that”

” real ladies Don’t bite their nails, curse (insert your idea) what will people think”

So I wanted.to please him and “I loved him” so I started worrying about what they thought.

Guess what I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason and I was always worried about what he thought until recently when he gave me a gift, he said I was a moocher just like my mother! He charged my mom 800.00 a month to live in our home, she bought all the groceries, feed the animals and took care of of children whenever we were late or went out .

My mother a moocher? She was the first to chase the bill so she could pay, get bogo and give it to a neighbor, she might have been a lot of things but moocher was not one of them ! When he said this I knew he was delusional,truly delusional ,it was the the best gift I ever got.from him! I knew from that moment.on that nothing he will ever say to me will ever hold water, it wouldn’t matter it wouldn’t hurt or effect me because I know he’s delusional!!

Stella has got her groove back and I again no longer care or worry about what people say or think about me ! Yes I lip sync while I run , go on talk that I am nuts (I am happy to be able to run!) , they can talk that I put out all my business on my blog ( its because I want to inspire others and let them see the good the bad and the ugly)

you might say she’s a bible thumped (god saved my life) whatever you got to say it doesn’t really matter to me! You do you ,I am doing me ! I will not waste a second of my incredible life worrying about you think ,you don’t have a life and want.to worry about mine? Go on ,knock your socks off!

Yesterday while having to talk to my ex he said “just wait ! You’ll see!” A threat he would always throw at me ,I would apologize for things I didn’t do ,I Would be afraid of the cold shoulder for weeks, I would do anything.in my power to please him those days are over!!

OVER! I said “what? You have nothing to hold over my head anymore, I am not afraid of you and I dont care what you have to say or think!”

I am now a big girl with my big girl panties on!! I no longer I am happy, I feel joy , I am blessed I no longer need nor want your opinions! I am good, wait no I am great!!!

Is this triathlon here yet?

A few years ago I watched the movie”the bucket list” with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson and I thought if I was dying what would I want to do before I bite the dust so I made my own “bucket list”

1- jump out of a plane( I was afraid of heights note keyword “was”)

2-white water rafting

3-hot air balloning(see the heights thing not a issue see#4 too)

4- para sail

5- go to Hawaii

6-helicopter over a volcanoes( ok that was friggin scary in an old 1950 mash helicopter)

7-do a marathon ( I hate running but hell if oprah can do it!)

8-zip line (refer to #1)

9- triathlon (ok this one is just plain stupid I suck at swimming and I dont like running, who knows it just sounded cool)

10- and for my next adventure I want to do the Tony Robbins seminar where at the end you walk on fire (yes again Oprah did it and besides I’ve been through fire hell I can surly walk on it!)

 

Getting back to my first thought… I have been training since June 1 every day six days a week, even on my three week trip back home I even joined a gym and went about 17 days out of it ,yes sick I know but didnt want to lose all that training time!

Now yes I do have two kids,a full time job , a part time job and a life so you say I’m too busy and what that didnt sound like a busy life to you?

But I want to achieve this goal so I awake at five am to be to the gym by six. I train on the weekends.whenever!

Ok focus here ,that was for me ! I am so sore my calfs are crying, my knee throbs , my stomach is.so tight I want to throw up,my hair feels like straw from the chlorine, and I cant lift my arms from all the weights! I am falling.apart and I love it! I am having a blast,it gives me something to look forward.too ,that I am excited to be.here in the morning(I write this on the treadmill) but dear God I am counting the days to it as Immight ha e to crawl across the finish line !

I am so excited.about all the changes in my life and know that this bucket life will continue to get bigger and bigger as I want to live big before its time for me to go home!

So challenge yourself,step out of your box, do it now you only live once!!

My world is changing so fast my head is spinning!

Some people are afraid of change and yes I was one of those people! It was also because for so many years I was told I could never make it on my own and I started to believe it. As I started getting my voice back and realizing I am strong and I can do whatever I set.my mind to!

So now at this age I have begun to step out of my box, way out of.my box! Doing things,I never thought I would ever tried before, a marathon, leaving my horrible marriage,(huge step!) Starting a new career… alot of new things I was always afraid of doing or trying.

Now before my next birthday in October, I am going to to do be doing my first triathlon ( and I suck at swimming!but have practiced enough so I dont drown!) I will be moving out of my house that I have raised my girls in into a small townhouse,and will be doing everything on my own, I am determined to finish my book by then and I am dating(yugg! Real scary worst than swimming!)

I am trying new things ,going out by myself,meeting new people,trying new things and I am not afraid anymore!! Really whats the.worst that can happen? I drown?ok that is the worst but on the bright side I might get saved by a really young,hot lifeguard!!

No I am doing it all! Life is too short ,I want to enjoy it, try everything, I want to be all in before I am all out!

Live people! Step out of your box and live!!,

When what you prayed for doesn’t come…

So I prayed for my divorce to go my way ,hell I deserved it with all the years he treated me like crap, this was going to be payback right? No! God had other plans but could I get pasted my own ego, and anger to see that? Well God has a sense of humor he might not give you what uou ask for when you ask for.it ,but your prayers will always be answered. Sitting at the table with my attorney and the judge they felt sorry for me and instead of me having to pay them eighteen hundred, they took eight hundred between them, and yes I said right there I was blessed! Then as I was sitting there feeling sorry for my self I got.a.contact on my business that I just started?? Yes blessed, when I left the judge took my cards because she wanted to hire me and get me business ,really? Get me in car listen to all of my messages from family and friends telling me that they love me and are behind me, then one fron a well known moving company who was referred to me and wanted to refer me out to all their clients?? ( I cant make this up people!!)

So I realized that my purpose here is to inspire others that all the horrible stuff ive been through and gotten past with the belief that god will take care of me, that I am grateful for all my blessings even in the darkest of moments! That if you believe and hold on to your faith nothing is impossible!

So even as I thought that I didnt get all that I deserved,God said “no ,you no longer need to depend on him for anything,just believe in me and here you go, I will fulfill all your needs!

Keep believing!!!