I have been living in the same neighborhood for the last twenty years, so you get to know everyone.
While I.was at the grocery store this weekend I ran into someone and they said they heard I was getting divorced she said “but you looked so happy,we thought you were the perfect couple”
Yes the Oscar goes to me! I was a great actress and deserve the Oscar, yes I had lots of years of acting happy because it was “very important”‘what the outside world thought about us!( I heard that comment for years)
“Dont curse, real ladies don’t curse”, “don’t bite your nails, people are looking, are you trailer trash?” “Why is the house a mess, or the kids hair not combed,is this how you want people to think of you as the pig you are” ( they were playing, why clean up behind them? Their hair was a mess because they are at the playground) didn’t matter the outside world had to see a perfect picture of a perfect family all the time.
I was so unhappy but couldn’t show my girls so I plastered on a fake smile and pretended all was great. Yes I was so good I even held hands in public and acted like he was the sweetest man on earth. I knew if I didn’t there would be hell to pay and for weeks with not speaking to me or worst yet he would say ” look how ungrateful you are, for all that I have done for you, look where I found you?” ( lets look at reality with a business, my own home and a brand new car and money, not quite under 95 in a box)
“I am the breadwinner,you don’t contribute anything here!” ( again only running his.businesses,taking care of all two.hundred of his animals and his house and children, I really didn’t work much!)
So I put on a smile even when I wanted to cry, even when I was dying inside,even when some mornings I wished for death to take me away from this pain, I pulled myself up and pasted on that smile and went into my Academy award winning performance of the happy wife.
I know it shocked alot of people but the point of this blog and my book is to let people know,you never know whats going on behind closed doors, behind that fake smile. Maybe someone out there is reading this and sees themselves and they have no hope ,but after reading this and knowing I can do it change everything, that they can find the courage to change, take the mask off show the world, not defeat, not shame but the strength to make a change, to tell your story with a testimony that you are a survivor!
So do you really want the Oscar?