I will pray for you…

Even after all the horrible years I was in a abusive marriage I have learned to forgive.Was it easy? Hell no , did it come over night? Again no!

But to be able to move on with my life I needed to forgive for me not for him, I couldn’t start a new life with hatred and bitterness in my heart.

I had to forgive to start my life off on a clean slate and let it go, focus on all the good I have now, not waddle in the past feeling sorry for myself. No! I did what I did, I allowed him to treat me like that, I’ve learned my lessons and I moved on.

Recently on a phone call about our children he started to spew nasty, horrible things at me, telling me what a horrible mother I was , how after all I did I should die and other unmentionables. 

At that moment I realized how sorry I felt for him, that he was so bitter and angry for losing control, for me deciding to end our marriage not him. I was living this life of glory, in peace and joy with all these blessings happening to me and all these incredible people in my life.

He was still holding on to hate, it was then I decided to pray for him, I would never want to live like that, to end up like my grandmother a bitter old women , no never I seen first hand how that poison runs through your veins and how it eats you alive.

No I don’t wish that on my enemies, let alone a man who is the father of my children. No I wish him peace and joy and hopefully he has learned his lesson in all of this, that he would own his part as I have owned mine and get on with his life.

I know now that all of his unkind words no longer have any effect on me, those days are long gone.

I know who I am and I know whose I am,the child of the most High God and the only one I need to answer to is him.

So on this eve before thanksgiving forgive those who have hurt you , its amazing how much better you will feel and how many more blessings will come into your life!

Wait… its coming

Sometimes we want things now! Fast food is not even fast enough for us anymore,  we moan about being in line more than two minutes. We have things to do , places to go, we need it now! When we are going through tough times we pray and we want it to change like yesterday.  We believe god can do miracles so lets go here, where is mine? What?what do you mean I have to wait? Look at “miss fill in the blank” she doesn’t go to church, she does  ….fill in the blank, why is she getting blessings? Why must I suffer and go through such horrible times its not fair I want it now!Through my hard times I have learned patience,  I have learned that I need to go through all I did for a testimony,  to tell others to hold on , it is coming just not on your time! Even still I think,okay when is it coming?I want my business to prosper not just for me so I can hire more women who need a job and to be around others who have testimonies and can give encouragement.  I want to be a blessing to others, so why is it coming fast enough?I am human I make mistakes, I have doubts sometimes,  I question God when I should just have blind faith that is why I write and put it all out there to let you know you don’t have to be perfect,  its okay , you will still get blessings just not on your time in his.

Wait… it will come

Sometimes we want things now! Fast food is not even fast enough for us anymore,  we moan about being in line more than two minutes. We have things to do , places to go, we need it now! 

When we are going through tough times we pray and we want it to change like yesterday.  We believe god can do miracles so lets go here, where is mine? What?what do you mean I have to wait? Look at “miss fill in the blank” she doesn’t go to church, she does  ….fill in the blank, why is she getting blessings? 

Why must I suffer and go through such horrible times its not fair I want it now!

Through my hard times I have learned patience,  I have learned that I need to go through all I did for a testimony,  to tell others to hold on , it is coming just not on your time! 

Even still I think,okay when is it coming?I want my business to prosper not just for me so I can hire more women who need a job and to be around others who have testimonies and can give encouragement.  I want to be a blessing to others, so why is it coming fast enough?

I am human I make mistakes, I have doubts sometimes,  I question God when I should just have blind faith that is why I write and put it all out there to let you know you don’t have to be perfect,  its okay , you will still get blessings just not on your time in his.

I needed everything that happened to me…

Yes I needed everything that happened to me in the exact order it came in. Would I change anything? No, because I wouldn’t be where I am today without all the things I went through.

if you knew what you were going to have to go through you would have said “no way, thanks but no thanks” I will take  a different road, that is why God doesn’t reveal what’s going happen. 

You need to lose to have the fight to win, you have to be on the bottom to get the gumption to want to pull yourself up.

Michel Jordan was told he couldn’t play basketball,  they cut him from the team. Really? Did he quit ? No he kept going and look what happened to him.

Yes there will be horrible times, lows so low that you cant see the light, I will not sugar coat it and say “hey, if you believe and give it to god things will be peachy forever” please! That is not real and its definitely not going to happen.

But you will feel the peace, you will know that no matter what happens you will get through it  and you will come out the other side better, stronger  a different person who will be strong and know that you will survive, you are more than a conquer, you are a overcomer!

You can have a testimony unless you have a test, you cant help others unless you know exactly where they have been and know that you can get through it.

So this is where you are suppose to be right now .

Undying faith

When I finally woke up, didn’t recognize  or like the person I saw in the mirror,  I  decided to change my life .

I started by reading books, then I started mediation,  I did yoga, I wrote a gratitude journal, I read some more, I took classes, the library knew me by name, I made a vision board and put on it what I wanted my life to look like and how I wanted to feel.

I never not thought these things were going to happen not for a minute,  I would go to bed and walk through my new home, placing furniture and pictures, I would wake up still dreaming of it.

when I wanted a new career I put it on my board, I envisioned it, I could feel it, touch it as if it was real.

So last night at my writing class (yet another thing I’ve done knowing that I was going to write a book about my  story) as we were discussing my latest chapter someone said “well if you ever decide to publish it”  I turned around and said matter of factly. “You mean when I become published and am a New York Times bestseller?” 

He was taken aback by my comment,  like “yea your nuts”  I then added “the purpose of my life and the purpose of this book to to tell women the have worth, that they should never give away their power and how to believe anything is possible, no I know I will be a bestselling author, I will be a international blogger and a speaker on” the women of faith” and “you can do it “tour telling my message all over the world”

I have no doubt, I see it , its on my vision board , I practice my speeches in my head before going to bed, how it will feel to hear the words your book is published and then your on the NY times list and guess what your number one!

Crazy undying faith ? Absolutely! How do you think I survived the last 17 years? I believed it would change.

How do you think Nelson Mandella survived all those years in prison, be believed he would get free, he saw change and never gave up hope and faith! 

That’s what you have to do and yes you too can change your life.My home is just how I envisioned it, my career is beyond what I thought and this will be past my wildest dreams.

So what are you dreaming about that you think can’t happen? You words can change everything!speak it! Have undying faith and it shall be….

I’m not lucky… I am blessed

There is no luck in my life, I have always been blessed,  even when life got really dark and I didn’t think I could hold on for one more day I always counted my blessings.  Even if it was thank you for a home and bed to sleep in I still gave thanks.

Now with things falling into place I hear “oh your so lucky!” Really do you know my testimony? Do you know what I have endured in my life? This is so not luck this is Gods grace and favor this is my testimony for the test I’ve been through.

This had nothing to do with luck, I am here for a reason,  I’ve been through what I’ve been through for a reason, so that one day I could be here trying to inspire others not to lose hope, that it is not in vain, all the tears you have cried, they have made you stronger, they opened your eyes up to the person you can become if you believe!

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and God knows the reason,  he already knows the ending and it is so much better than you’ve ever dreamed, believe me I know.  

So before you say “your so lucky” to a person,  know their story , its not luck its blessings.  

 

 

The same results…

Why do we keep doing the same thing and expecting different results?

We as women do this all the time, we keep picking losers, emotionally unattached,  screwed up men and then they do what they are good at ( not call, leave you hanging, stand you up, disappoint…) and we keep going back expecting a different result.

There is no different result, the only one your going get is the one you chose, move on and chose a different man!

I write this blog to inspire others, so I have to write about all of my trials and times and yes I am guilty! I want a man who runs after me, who wants to spend time with me, who thinks about me when we are not together.

Who will drop what hes doing to be able to get together, that I am first (okay second behind God) in his life.

Why do I expect this?Because this is what I will give to a man I care about and I realized that at this point in my life I deserve to be treated like a queen , I was treated like shit for so long I think its what I deserve but no more! I know I deserve it and so much more and if I have to be alone so be!  it I like myself and my own company! I have great kids , a great family and more friends that anyone should be blessed with and I know I am a good , kind , passionate, romantic women with a big heart just like so many of you are out there!

There is no reason for us to settle for a man like this, none, nada ! Get it?

I got it this weekend when Mr . emotionally unavailable yet again blew me off and this great guy who wanted to date me for weeks and kept calling telling me he would wait, anytime I was available he would free up his schedule to see me, really ?? And yet I was holding my breath for the other one ? For what?  I knew what the end result was going to be duh! The same as it has been! I realized at that moment I didn’t come this far to be treated like that.

So I went out with Mr. Anytime for you and it was so nice to feel like this man wants to be in your company and cares about what you are saying and how you feel.

Wow what a concept! So I will definitely be going out with him again and I definitely will be seeing my worth, the worth I worked so hard at getting back.

So ladies are you also doing the same things expecting different results? I am here to tell you there will not be different results until you realize your banging your head against a tree wake up and smell the coffee! You are worth so much more!

You words create your world..

My bishop said those words last night and they hit home because even in my darkest times I always prayed and asked for certain things, I visualized what my life was going to look like , even what my home would look like. I spoke the words that I am successful, I am peaceful,  I am blessed,  I am joyous and all of this came to pass. 

I believed even while tears streaming down my face and my heart breaking,  I knew he had greater things for me, that I would just have to hold on, keep giving thanks even if it was just waking me up, I gave thanks for my girls and their health, my health something every day.

I could see what I wanted my life to be, feel it , smell it and touch it it was that real to me. Yes I did my part I read books to try to improve myself , I took classes , I researched things I want to do and become and then I left it to God

My girlfriend told me today she prayed on a 5000 raise , she believed it as if it already happened and it did!  My praise leader prayed over a illness threatening to his vocal cords, this man who sings like an angel he saw himself well believed that he would get better and he is! 

Yes your words create your world, speak wisely!

Discouragement is a test of your faith

Yes we are all human as much as I am positive there are times that even I get down and discouraged. 

Recently I awoke to a morning of troubles, my alarm never went off and I missed church, then after 4 weeks of no Internet, countless phone calls and service visits I awoke to find it not working yet again.

I called at 8 am after pressing 1, pressing 2 tell your story, get disconnected 5 times, getting transfer4 times, telling your information yet again to someone who doesn’t speak English I was about done!

After 5 hours , no I could not make this up I finally got my service fixed, I went out to my car to find it dead, had to call AAA and wait two hours then get a new battery and go on my way to the rest of my errands.

I tell you all this because this is life and sometimes it happens to all of us , the business is growing as fast as you want it , your kids are messing up, your ex is a smuck, you get discouraged and your faith starts to wavier. Through all of this I prayed, I gave thanks for all the good things , I never said why me , or great what else is going to happen to me. Was I pissed yes but through it all I still have faith, that things will be aright, that is is just a test to see if your still going to believe or throw in the towel. For me all things that happen in my life good or bad are tests for my testimony.I want to have have undying faith and so each day I work at it , I practice and I hope that one day I will never get discouraged. So how do you look at your bad days?

My dad’s my hero’s. ..

I was blessed to have two dads my real dad and my step dad both who were the most amazing men.

They both served in the arm forces, my dad was in the Navy and my step dad was in the Air Force, he was in the plane that dropped the bomb on Japan. They always talked about serving their country with pride. My step dad was part of the veterans clubs , vf, and marched in every parade with his uniform on.

Most of my family served and it was something the whole family was proud of , even if you didn’t want to see them go and you worried sick until they came home, you were proud of them and all the others who risked their lives to keep us free.

So not just today or on the days we should say thanks, say thanks all the time, tell a service mean or women you see in the street thank you send a card or letter or care box overseas do something because we are free because they are brave!

Today I will think of my two dads and how proud they were and how lucky I was to have them as role models in my life.