Yesterday I wrote about how you need to let go of your baggage and how I thought I had done that but realized that I had left a bag behind and now needed to go through my dirty laundry to get rid of the rest.
I am no stranger about putting out my dirty laundry for every one to see as I feel my purpose on earth is to try to inspire others to never give up, to have faith and believe anything is possible.
To do this you have to lead by example and you have to be willing to tell your story so that others will know they are not alone, that yes I’m not perfect but I am trying to be better and do better.
So I must tell my whole story even the smelly, dirty laundry parts of it, so here goes.
My ex demeaned me, he called horrible names, said I would be nothing without him, said I was worthless and after twenty four years I believed him.
Towards the end of our marriage an old love contacted me and made me realize that I was worthwhile, that the “old” me would have never put up with that, we started to talk every day,he gave me my soul back, he brought the dead part of my heart back to life, he made me believe I was worthy.
Even though he lived 1500 miles away and we never got to see each other, we had more of a connection than me and my husband and he filled my miserable life with hope. We talked of love and past memories and how we wanted to start a life but yet when the time came he never stepped up.
He had the excuse about his kids (who were grown) his family, his job, he couldn’t leave and he knew my kids were young and I could never move out of the state and so he broke my heart.
After my separation my first date was with a guy from my gym who took me out during the week yet every weekend I never heard from him , I figured out real fast he had a girlfriend, welcome to single hood!
I then started hanging out with someone who acted like he was into me but wouldn’t or couldn’t step up, I kept holding out every time he gave me hope but then he would back off again it wasn’t until I had found someone else that he was interested again.
The new guy in my life had it rough from the beginning, look at all he came after? Even if he was a saint it wasn’t going to be enough to undo all the creeps in the past.
Yet he has opened my eyes about the men in my past, they all had the opportunity to step up , (his words not mine) they all had this wonderful women yet each and everyone of them didn’t man up , didn’t do the right thing, didn’t appreciate what they had and now here he was ready and willing to step up and I am scared because of all the hurt others had caused me.
It was a Oprah light bulb moment for me, I didn’t realize how these past relationships had scared me, yes I was independent, I could take care of myself, yes I know who I am,yes I like myself but I am still dragging this bag of dirty laundry with me.
So my new lesson for me to learn is to go through this process, to trust again, to believe not everyone is out to control me, not everyone is not man enough to step up, that people want to do things just because it makes you happy, what a concept huh?
I am the biggest believer that your never too old to learn something new and as you can see that is true! So I hope you will see my example and learn something new about yourself today, try to change for the better, open up your mind but most important open up your heart, because nothing is more important than love, for others and yes , yes for yourself!