Can men and women be friends?

This has been a question long asked by both men and women,can the opposite sex be just friends?

 

Ask this question and you will get a lot of different responses as it was when we were talking about it with a bunch of my friends recently. 

You had the one side that said no, no way men and women cant do it, there is always sex that comes in the way, eventually you end up in bed together,  or that the guy wants to sleep with you and is just your friend for that reason.

 

Then there was the opposite group saying why not? I am course am in this group as I grew up mostly having male friends and since my divorce have reconnected with most of them.

 

I don’t get it and maybe its because I am an only child and always wanted to have brothers besides the fact guy friends don’t bring drama, you will never have a cat fight with them.

 

I love my guy friends like they were truly my brothers, sleep with them yuck! Would you sleep with your brother? Sexually attraction? No! I want to hook them up with my friends. 

 

Look a lot of people are very insecure and don’t trust their partners,  get over it! If they are going to cheat, they are going to cheat, with their best friend, with the waitress down the street, with their assistant, that’s what they do  so my view is you trust your man or women until they give you reason not to.

 

My guy friends have given me a lot in my life, advice, taught me things, helped me out of binds, even pretended to be my date to get rid of a creeper.

My world was not the same without them while I was married to the most insecure man on this planet,hell I was even stupid enough to cut my very best friend out of my life for him and hell he was gay!duh no threat there!

One thing I’ve learned is life is way to short, have as many friends as possible,  they enrich your life, they make things fun , they have your back , they make each day that much brighter don’t limit yourself!! You can never have too many friends!

Am I sad I got divorced?

People say to me all the time “oh your divorced? Oh I’m so sorry” about what? I’m sure the hell am not sorry! I am thrilled,  ecstatic, incredibly happy! What’s to be sorry about?

I am free, I am truly me, I no longer have to be something else for someone else. I no longer have to worry about someone else’s expectations, I no longer have to walk on eggshells!

How do I know that I don’t regret my decision? The other day I had to call my ex about our daughter and just the thought my me sick to my stomach, I hadn’t spoke to him in months (thank god for text messaging!) I didn’t want to speak to him, I never speak his name, I never speak bad about him to my kids, I just kind of pretend he doesn’t exist. (Works for me)

But yes you have kids together, you have to talk from time to time and even though we didn’t fight and it was a quick conversation, it still had me in knots. Yes I have forgave him for all he has done, I owned my part in the marriage and forgave myself and I have moved on, just his voice brought back so many unpleasant memories, that I couldn’t hang up fast enough and when I did hang up I gave thanks that I was free, that I no longer lived in that situation any longer.

I have realized that even though I took two years by myself to work on me, I  still have baggage and issues (imagine that?) I have issues with someone trying to tell me what to do, I have ground rules (hey Dr.Phil says you start a relationship in the beginning how you want to be treated)

I didn’t realize how many ground rules I really had.

1- no cheating , done , over bye bye

I trust you until you give me reason not to.

2-No lying , if you have one lie there’s probably going to be more.

3-Do not disrespect me, ever for no reason!(been there don’t need a repeat performance)

4-Dont try to change me, sorry this is it take it or leave it!

5- I will not be asking your permission for anything , I will discuss it but I will never be someone else child again , my father is dead, he was the only one I will ever have.

Maybe these are too many, maybe I am too hard in my stand, maybe I am still hurt inside and am trying to make sure that never happens again.

Every day I am trying to be a better person and every day I am learning and yes every day I put it out there so others know that they are not alone in their struggles.

This is all new for me and I am trying to believe all men wont treat you like this, that all men don’t need to be told the ground rules, that some men just truly want to see you happy.

So the question is am I happy absolutely! In with all the learning and trails , I now know who I am for for that I will always be happy!

Am I sad I got divorced?

People say to me all the time “oh your divorced? Oh I’m so sorry” about what? I’m sure the hell am not sorry! I am thrilled,  ecstatic, incredibly happy! What’s to be sorry about? 

I am free, I am truly me, I no longer have to be something else for someone else. I no longer have to worry about someone else’s expectations, I no longer have to walk on eggshells!

How do I know that I don’t regret my decision? The other day I had to call my ex about our daughter and just the thought my me sick to my stomach, I hadn’t spoke to him in months (thank god for text messaging!) I didn’t want to speak to him, I never speak his name, I never speak bad about him to my kids, I just kind of pretend he doesn’t exist. (Works for me)

But yes you have kids together, you have to talk from time to time and even though we didn’t fight and it was a quick conversation, it still had me in knots. Yes I have forgave him for all he has done, I owned my part in the marriage and forgave myself and I have moved on, just his voice brought back so many unpleasant memories, that I couldn’t hang up fast enough and when I did hang up I gave thanks that I was free, that I no longer lived in that situation any longer. 

I have realized that even though I took two years by myself to work on me, I  still have baggage and issues (imagine that?) I have issues with someone trying to tell me what to do, I have ground rules (hey Dr.Phil says you start a relationship in the beginning how you want to be treated)

I didn’t realize how many ground rules 

Do you really have anything to complain about?

Yes we all complain,  we don’t make enough, bills are too high, our kids are driving us crazy, our spouse doesn’t do enough,  blah, blah, blah fill in the blank.

Some people live to complain,  that is their whole life, nothing will make them happy, I remember my grandmother,  she was the most miserable,  negative person you could meet, my mom would come home from the grocery store with 200 dollars in groceries (that is like 1000 dollars today,35 years later) and she would open up the refrigerator and say “there’s never anything to eat in this house” because she had to complain about something even if she had to make it up.

But recently my high school friend Sue posted about a new medication she was trying , that didnt work and she was upset rightfully so as she has been sick from the 80’s with not just one illnesses but multiple illnesses yet every day she is positive,  she knows what is the most important thing in her life, her family and her friends,  she doesn’t complain about the little things because they are not problems to her, she knows real problems.

She probably reads others posts and thinks “please are you joking,walk in my shoes then see if your still complaining”

My friend Jilly is not her illness, she refuses to be a poster child, she lives each and every day to the fullest, always feeling happy and blessed in spite of all that has happened to her, she is one of the most positive people I know! Everyday she sees the good and keeps going.

My friend Becky also has more medical problems then most of us would have in a lifetime,  yet she always has a smile, she is there with a kind word and the most incredible food you have ever tasted! If she didnt tell you she was sick you wouldn’t know it, she also lives life to the fullest.

What do these three hero’s have in common? Their attitude,  they know what is the most important thing in this world is love , love of family and friends, to be grateful for each moment, to not complain because that will not change their situation.

They  face each and every day with more obstacles then I could ever imagine yet they do it with grace and a smile.

So today when you think your life sucks, when your about to complain about the silly things you think are so bad in your life, stop and think of my hero’s , then be grateful for all of your blessings as it could have been a different way.

Do you really have anything to complain about?

Yes we all complain,  we don’t make enough, bills are too high, our kids are driving us crazy, our spouse doesn’t do enough, fill in the blank.

Some people live to complain,  that is their whole life, nothing will make them happy, I remember my grandmother,  she was the most miserable,  negative person you could meet, my mom would come home from the grocery store with 200 dollars in groceries (that is like 1000 dollars today,35 years later) and she would open up the refrigerator and say “there’s never anything to eat in this house” because she had to complain about something even if she had to make it up.

But recently my high school friend Sue posted about a new medication she was trying , that didnt work and she was upset rightfully so as she has been sick from the 80’s with not just one illnesses but multiple illnesses yet every day she is positive,  she knows what is the most important thing in her life, her family and her friends,  she doesn’t complain about the little things because they are not problems to her, she knows real problems.

She probably reads others posts and thinks “please are you joking,walk in my shoes then see if your still complaining”

My friend Jilly is not her illness, she refuses to be a poster child, sh lives each and every day to the fullest, always feeling happy and blessed in spite of all that has happened to her, she is one of the most positive people I know! Everyday she sees the good and keeps going.

My friend Becky also has more medical problems then most of us would have in a lifetime,  yet she always has a smile, she is there with a kind word and the most incredible food you have ever tasted! If she didnt tell you she was sick you wouldn’t know it, she also lives life to the fullest. 

What do these three hero’s have in common? Their attitude,  they kniw what is the most important thing in this world

Why is it so hard to believe a person can change

What is with people? Why is it so hard for some people to believe that someone has changed? When did God appoint you judge and jury?

I blog every day that you can do anything you set your mind to, you can change you life at any time YOU choose and yet there are people out there at every turn who will constantly pull things out of the past to throw at you.

It’s like crabs in a barrel, your trying to get out , your pulling yourself out yet the crabs at the bottom dont want you to forget where you come from and keep trying to pull you back down, they hold on for dear life as they have no strength of their own to change their situation so they cant let you change or be happy,  oh hell no we are going to keep stepping on you, pulling you down until you realize your one of us and you will always be, who are you to change , to be happy? not happening if we have anything to do with it!

Do you know their story? Do you know they had a horrible childhood?do you know everyone turned their back on them? Do you know they lost everything and were homeless? That they lost people they loved  and felt unlovable? That the knew everyone talked about them when they walked into a room? No you know none of this nor do you care because they are happy and you are not and that will never happen on your God appointed watch!

They survived all of that and much, much more, they pulled themselves out of the bottom of the barrel, decided what was important in life and kept fighting to change, to become a better person, to ask for forgiveness and forgive all the others that hurt them.

That each and every day they tried to be better until one day they met someone who believed in them, who knew about all that was in the past and still wanted to be there, that had their back and encouraged them that yes they could do it, that they could could do anything because they knew his heart and what he truly was in his soul.

This made him want to be the man she saw when she looked into his eyes, this made him believe it was possible to be loved no matter what was the past.It made him work that much harder to keep going down this unknown path of change.

Yet here comes the crabs once again , hey you cant be happy,  do you know what you did in the past? Wait let me remind you and everyone else who will listen, You can’t be doing so well, we are down here struggling to survive,  no, no that’s not happening and they pull you down some.

I am here to say loud and clear, you no longer need to look back , you have climbed out of the barrel, shook loose of all the the last crabs holding on and you will stand tall and proud of who you are today and how far you’ve come to get here.

You will no longer look down or worry about what someone else has to say, you know what God sees in you and what I see in you, you will know you are good enough and that its okay to be happy.

The barrel is behind you and there will always be the crabs left behind calling out to you but you can’t drive the car if you keep looking into the rear view mirror. Let it go, you have a wonderful bright future ahead of you, you just have to believe!

Its never too late….

I am a huge believer in you can do anything at any age, you can change anything in your life, its never to late!

I was lucky enough to have a wonderful role model, my mom. She got cancer and while she was going through it decided to get her Ged, then went to college and after she graduated she got her real estate brokers license and opened up her own company,she had always been a waitress all her life and just decided to change it all.  She was 45 when she started and almost 50 when she finished.

I jumped out of a plane at 41, ran a marathon at 46, changed my career, started my own business,  left a horrible 24 year marriage and started over with nothing at 48, did a triathlon at 49! (And I sucked at swimming and hated running!)

I did it and I have never looked back, its up to you and how bad do you want it, what is holding you back? You! that’s it!

Do you drink too much? Are you still acting like your 21 when your 51? Do you want a relationship yet when one presents it self you push it away?are you in a horrible marriage and staying because your afraid?

There are a million reasons why you keep doing what your doing but not one of those is that you truly want to change because if you did , you could and you would. 

Do you look at others and think “I could never do that? I couldn’t leave my big cushy life, I like to drink and party, I could never find a great person like that, she’s just lucky”

Luck has nothing to do with it!! I got up , I said enough is enough! I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! And I made a move to change it! Fear is your biggest obstacle! That’s it, nothing else! Overcome that and you can do anything!

Believe that you can and you will, don’t wish, don’t hope , make a change at any age its never to late!

When saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do…

If you read my blog you know that I recently came out of a horrible marriage, even though I had been separated for two years, it had only been finalized this last year.

So I never dreamed of getting involved with someone, hell I wanted to have my freedom, do my own thing, I could do this, I don’t need anyone attitude. 

And then life throws you a curve ball out of left field and everything changes. I recently started dating an old high school ex and figured well he lives 1500 miles away, this is good, I’m not looking for anything anyway. 

Yet again another curve ball, you start to catch feelings and now that 1500 miles feels like it may as well be 15000 miles!

And every time you have to say goodbye it becomes rougher and rougher. I am thinking how did this happen? This was suppose to be a easy , fun thing, it was not supposed to get serious, crap how that happen?

But something changed maybe it was the way he treated me, like I was the most important person in the world, or how he opened the door for me or how he made me laugh or how my girls love him or a hundred other reasons that take my breathe away.

So here I am yet again standing at the airport, kissing him goodbye and counting the minutes until we are back together again.

I never wanted this, I was never looking for this…yet I’ve never been happier, so just like the last year, I am going with it, I am winging it and I am having a blast !

So even though something may not be in your plans, it may be better than you plan, take that chance!