I can’t leave because. ..

I can’t leave. … women use this all the time I can’t leave because….you fill in the blanks. Hell I was even a woman that use this line.

 

Mine was at first, well he loves me… he’s just doing this or saying this because he loves me. Then it was well… we have kids, I was raised in a divorce home, I don’t want them to be raised that way. 

 

When he had cut my self esteem to nothing, it was well…he will take my kids away from me, he has the money and power and I will not have my girls.

 

As I started to get back a little self esteem,  it was well… he has been saying for twenty four years , I am worthless, that I can’t make it without him, how am I going to do this, this fear kept me there.

 

Yes, there are many excuses that keep us in unhealthy relationships . They are toxic, they are no good any more, they are going no where fast yet we hold on and we make up excuses on why we cant leave.

 

I have a girlfriend who is smart, she went back to school at 40 to become a nurse, she is beautiful, kind and has a hot body, she left a abusive marriage of 35 years to hook up with guy who has been ten times worst then her ex husband.

 

He says things like “why cant you look like that? Your getting old looking, you should dress like that” he is younger than her and he knows what to say to hit her buttons.

 

She has become insure, jealous and she cries every day, it breaks my heart what he is doing to her and how she is allowing it to effect her.

 

Why doesn’t she leave… well her excuse is I love him… no one else is going to want me I am older now….  are you kidding me? She doesn’t see what I see, all of these wonderful qualities I see.

 

She is worth so much more than what she is getting, but as many times as I try to tell her, her worth she can’t see it and is still there. 

 

Yes you can make a million excuses for staying, for taking him back over and over, for putting up with his lying and cheating, for his disrespect and disregard for your feelings, but until you wake up and realize you are worth more, until enough is finally enough you will continue in this viscous cycle. 

 

You need to love yourself, you need to know your self worth,  you need to know that maybe you wont be eating filet mignon but  now will be eating peanut butter sandwiches . I have to tell you peanut butter tastes so good with freedom!

 

Yes there will be a lot of changes and yes it will be hard, the one thing I’ve never done while writing this blog is lie to you I will always tell it like it is.

 

It will be hard, there will be days that you don’t think you will make it, you will cry yourself to sleep on more than one occasion.

 

I am here to try to tell you all of it, the good, the bad and even the ugly cry. But if reading this is helping you,it is all worth it.

 

There is nothing like the feeling of knowing who you are and knowing your self worth, knowing you can do this on your own and knowing you are a truly are a strong woman

 

If you need to find some friends who will encourage you, maybe you need to find a support group, find a therapist,go talk to your pastor, anything that will help you through. 

 

You are in control of your life and let me tell you life is way to short to keep staying in a horrible relationship,  be happy, be free, be the best you, you can be!

Stop making excuses, face your fears, you can do this, you got this! This will be the best decision you will ever make, I promise you!

Sorry you are not my everything. ..

There’s a song out called “your everything to me” by Monica it says.

 

 “I couldn’t breath with out you, wouldn’t know what to do if you were gone, I wouldn’t be able to breathe you’re my everything,you’re the reason my sun shines,you are the air that I breathe,I need you to live,I need you to breathe”

 

As I sat in the car this morning listening to that song,I realized that as much as one day I would love to find my true love, I never want to feel like this, ever! Yes I want to love someone but I never want to make them that important that I feel without them I am dead, that they are my sun and my air.

 

No, if I ever fall in love again , I will know without a shadow of a doubt who provides my sun and my air and that if everyone should up and leave my life, I know I will still be okay because I know where my true source of happiness comes from.

 

You can not expect another person to fulfill your every need, you first must love yourself,  be happy within, have peace and forgiveness in your heart. You must be one with God and the universe, know your inner voice and be able to listen to it.

 

You must first have a fulfilled life on your own, know your own worth , it is then that if someone comes into your life they are not making your life “whole” they are enhancing it.

 

They are so many people out there who say,”when I get the perfect job, I will do this or when I lose fifty pounds my life will be good, or one day when I get that promotion,it will be then… On Monday I will start. ….” fill in the blanks.

 

You are keeping your life on hold waiting for something or waiting for something better, People!! Wake up , your life is now! And its passing you by!!

 

Be happy where you are at this every moment, be grateful,  be fulfilled,  know that you already possess theses things , you are whole, you are your own everything, that God is your everything, anything else that comes is gravy, that’s all!

 

One person cannot be everything to you, one person cannot fulfill your every need, its unrealistic and maybe that is why you go from relationship to relationship, you keep seeking someone to fill these needs, a father figure, a mother who always disapproved, never feeling loved,  so you keep seeking to fill that hurt and void in your life.

 

You need to acknowledge the problem , the patterns in your life, then you need to fix them and learn you are good enough, you are whole, you are loved and when you get to that place of being whole and at peace with you and your life, it is then if you find someone that it will make that much more sweeter.

 

So today my friends, don’t look to others or things to make your life “whole” look inside and know God made you perfect just the way you are , no extra ingredients needed. 

I am passionate. …

I am passionate…. I am passionate in all areas in my life, this is who I am , who I always have been, its how I live my life.

I am passionate about my love for my girls, I would do anything for them, including give my life for them.They are my world and I waited so very long to have them, it makes me even that much more passionate about them.

 

I am passionate about my faith, I am in one hundred percent, there is no half faith here, I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God will fulfill all my needs, I no longer worry about things, I let go of anxiety and I have a faith that is unshakable. 

 

I am passionate about my gift, when I write, I put my heart and soul in it, this is who I am, this is what I was created to do and I have been doing it since as long as I can remember. When I am writing and its about an injustice, I put everything into that story,  I am the voice for the many who are voiceless.

 

I am passionate about my friends and family, when you are part of my life , I am there for you, through good and bad, you can call me at 3 am and know I will be there. I will be your friend until the end, I will hurt with you, cry with you,I will defend you even with fierce criticism to myself, I will be your biggest cheerleader and will lift you up every day and on the days you can no longer stand, I will carry you.

 

I am passionate about my relationships, I will do anything for my man, I will make sure he knows how much I love him, I will let him know how wonderful he is and how blessed I am to have him.

I will make sure the romance is alive and that he is the one and only man that does it for me.I will constantly tell him what a good man he is, that I am proud of him and that I respect him and his beliefs. 

I have his back and he knows that , I am fiercely loyal and loving. 

 

I am passionate about my body and my soul , I eat right, I am on this treadmill each and every day even when I dont feel like it. I don’t want to end up like my family with heart problems and cutting my life short, I have way too many things I need to do before I go home! I want to fill my mind and soul with things that will make me a better person, so that I may be a blessing to others.

So yes I am passionate about this area of my life as well.

 

Most of all I am passionate about living… living each day to the fullest, living big, stopping to enjoy every moment,laughing loud and often, loving big! To be able to make a difference in the world, to help others know their worth and know that nothing is impossible if you believe. 

 

So today I am challenging you to be passionate, be passionate about every area in your life, its amazing how you will look at life when your fully engaged. 

 

When you find your peace, you will do whatever to get it back

It took me along time to get to this space I am in now.For years I didn’t like myself,  I hated my life and I was unhappy. I learned to take time out for me , to let go of the stuff I couldn’t change and to find inner peace and joy.

 

Let me tell you when you get to a place where you find it and something happens where your peace is disturbed, you feel it right away, there is an uneasiness that fills you, you start to worry about things,you feel off balanced and unsettled just like how I use to feel in the past.

 

I don’t ever want to go back to the days of darkness, where I couldn’t see the sun, where I couldn’t find things to smile about and where I hated my life and myself, no there will not be a return visit for me.

 

Each and every day I wake up , I chose to be happy, I chose to be grateful,  I chose to see the world through rose colored glasses, it is a choice, my choice and I chose to have peace in my life.

 

I have girlfriends that have drama in their lives, every day they want to drag me into their drama, I love you but unless you choose to change then you must like the situation you are in. 

 

How many times do you need to go through the same stuff expecting different results? Its called insanity!

 

I chose not to hang out with negative people , they suck all the life out of you, I want to surround myself with people who are positive, happy and love life,  even with all the ups and downs!

 

Life is a choice, there are choices every day, you chose not to do drugs , steal , hurt people,  cheat, be miserable,  these are choices you make every day, we live in the greatest country in the world, a country that allows you to chose,  how great is that?

 

So when it took me so very long to get to a place of peacefulness, every dark night , every tear, every cry to God for help was worth it as I have found a place in my life that is so incredible that even as a writer, I have no words to describe this feeling!

 

When I was getting sucked into the drama that was my life for those few months,  I realized just how much I needed my peace , I felt I was swimming up stream against the current, fighting just to catch my breathe, who wants to live like that?

 

Are you living like that? Is each day a struggle? Are you surrounded with negative people? Are you caught up in drama life?  You need to chose you step out and step up to a better life, this is your life people and you only get one trip, why spend it worried, anxious,  hateful, miserable.

 

Isn’t better to feel peace and joy, gratefulness, forgiveness and be with one with God and the universe?

 

So today is a new day, erase the past, start over, wake up and chose!!

Why are you letting it get to you?

Yesterday while I was at work, one of my guys from the back came in complaining of clients and factory delays , he was so upset and was just really letting it get to him, I couldn’t help but laugh and he turned to look at me like he thought I was nuts.

 

He wanted to know what I thought was so funny, I explained I had just wrote a blog about being happy and that all the stuff that happens with this business or my business means nothing when it comes to my inner happiness. 

 

Yes things are going to go wrong, clients are going to yell, but none of it will effect my happiness, this is not what makes my life complete,  yes we all have to work for a living but its not who you are truly.

 

It’s not the end all to be all, it is what you have to do to pay the bills, if you happen to love your job its that much easier but it still doesn’t give you all your happiness.

 

So if its a bad day, am I going to let it affect my joy, oh hell no , I am going to laugh it off and go on with my happy self, piss on you! You will not steal my joy!

 

People, so many of you take life so seriously,  laugh, life is way to short, put it in prospective. 

 

One day me and my girlfriend were riding our bikes on the board walk,  it was a beautiful midweek day and we both happened to be lucky enough to be off and enjoy it, there was hardly anyone on the boardwalk, the wind was blowing, the ocean was blue and flat, just the most perfect day to be at the beach.

 

We were driving side by side just talking about how lucky we were to be here enjoying this day when this older lady came from the other direction and screamed at us “SINGLE FILE!!!”

 

She was so angry that we weren’t riding single file on the bike path, her face was red, the veins were coming out in her neck, she had her fist in a ball waving it at us, she was pissed off!!

 

Well… I started to laugh so hard I almost fell off my bike, really?? Its a beautiful day, we are alive and healthy to be able to do this, is this what is going to set you off? Really,? Us not driving in single file!

 

I laughed for a good 20 minutes because I felt sorry for her to be so angry about something so minor, you have  problem and dear God I don’t ever want those problems.

 

Enjoy every second you are given, be fully in the moment, laugh loud and often, let the stresses of work go, let the stresses of life go, you worrying about them changes nothing! Nothing!

 

  Tell me one time that your worrying effected an out come of something,  never! So why waste that emotion? Let it go, be happy, break out of your single file life and laugh!!

 

I promise you, things will look so much better when you do!

Keep your head held high

No matter what I’ve been through in my life time, I have always kept my head held high, I knew who I was and what my worth was. It wasn’t until I gave away my power that I lost the sense of who I was and when I no longer felt my worth it was then I walked with my head down, feeling defeated and worthless. 

 

You might be at that point in your life right now, you might be in a relationship that you know is over, that has killed your spirit and your self esteem,  yet your holding on, hoping for change, hoping to find your lost self.

 

I am here to tell you that you will never find it until you step out and change things, you need to get past the fear.

 

We had a guest speaker Bishop Bloomer tonight he was talking about your worth, is your worth only when he calls you at 2 am, not even to take you out to McDonald’s?

 

How do you carry yourself? Are you waiting around year after year with the promise of a commitment yet it has never come to pass?

 

What does your package say about you? Are you showing the world all your goods? Or does it say I am a lady and deserve to be treated like one? 

 

Are you going to stand by and let that man walk all over you, lying and cheating behind your back while you turn a blind eye to it yet again or will you stand up and say, you have more value than that and will not be treated like that.

 

Has he took away your self esteem? Made you to believe you are worthless, not beautiful and that without him you’d be no one?

 

You start to think, no one else will want me , I am to old to start over,  I am broken and damaged and not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough,this is what I deserve.

 

I am here to tell you you are all that you speak you are! Wake up and tell yourself you are beautiful , you are worthy,  you are smart, find some women friends that will tell you that, because if your friends are not lifting you up, they are the wrong friends, just like he is the wrong man.

 

Do you not realize you are the child of the most high God and every day you should know your worth and stand up with your head held high.

 

It doesn’t matter what you have been through, the things that you let people do to you, how long you’ve stayed in that horrible marriage,  that someone got over on you, none of that matters, it only matters that you are willing to change, to walk away with your head held high and say what hasn’t killed me has made me stronger.

 

I believe in myself and my self worth, I want to be an example to my children and to other women, that yes it is possible to change and walk away with a testimony, to tell others your story.

 

To know that all the pain you have been through wasn’t all for nothing, it was so you may inspire others to know that you can get through anything with Gods help. That you can find peace and joy, that you can and will find your self worth and once again walk with your head held high, knowing that you are all that he made you to be.

 

Now stand up straight,Shoulders back, head held high and show the world what you are made of!

 

Crazy a** bit****

Yesterday I wrote a blog  about lying men and I got a lot of responses from the guys that I know, wonderful sweet men that said “hey, not all men are lying dogs and btw there are some horrible women out there”

 

They are right and today’s blog is for all guys,that, yes there are crazy a** b****** out there and yes I know there’s a lot of them.

 

I know some incredible stand up guys who do the right things with their ex’s and kids and yet they are faced with crazy women , women who are so vindictive that they will lie to keep their kids away from them, they will poison their children’s mind with terrible things about their fathers, they will constantly dog them out to and in front of their children, just because they are mad.

 

As big of a jerk my ex is , he is a great dad , I could never or would I ever take that away from him, I want his kids to be with him and since we got separated I have never said a bad word about him to my girls! 

 

He’s a good dad what else could I ask for? I have a life, so I moved on forgave him and myself and got on with it.He takes care of my girls and its all good, I only want my girls happiness. 

 

I have a friend at work he raised his ex’s kids since they were babies,  he consider them to be his kids, when they got divorced 15 years later, she wanted to cut off all ties, even though he was paying child support for all of the kids , even the ones that weren’t his biological, that’s a man and that is one stupid women!

 

We were talking yesterday about a women who was getting separated, her soon to be ex left to go see his family and while he was gone she burnt up and destroyed all of his tools he used to make a living, now why would you do that? Just because its over? That’s his living, how is going to support his kids?

 

Another friend of mine is the best dad ever , never misses a game, a school presentation, paid big child support as he was a attorney yet his ex was pissed and called child protective services on him, because she is crazy! No other reason. Oh my god some “real” women would give their right arm to have their ex’s just involved in their kids lives, yet alone be that kind of dad.

 

I have seen women that no matter how good the breakup was (no cheating, no abusive, drinking , ect) they still lost their minds and years later continue to cause trouble in their ex’s lives because they can’t get over it.

 

I know there are always circumstances that make a person go off the deep end and yes I recently took a jump off that ledge, but I called him out and yes I called his wife (Sorry guys do the right thing and you wouldn’t have to worry about it!) Then I forgave and got on with my life. 

 

Little back note here I am friends with all of my ex’s except for the ones who cheated, 2 of them, I no longer have any use for cheaters and liars. 

 

Yes both men and women can go off the deep end when first confronted with a lying, cheating spouse but on a whole that doesn’t make you crazy, it makes you human. 

So yes there are crazy a** bi**** out there and for no other reason besides they are mad (and nuts!) Will cause you nothing but grief when you break up.

 

but just like the plenty of good, kind , sweet, loyal, faithful men I know and have the privilege of calling my friends,  there are just as many wonderful women out there and there again I am privileged to call many of them my friends.

 

So no, I would never say all men are dogs or all women are crazy, You have to see a person for who they are in their hearts and no matter how many times you are burnt still believe the best in people. 

 

That is what I try to do each and every day and what I try to put out there by writing this blog.

 

So today try to see the best in a person and see what happens. 

 

 

 

 

Why do men lie?

Why do men lie? This is the question my girl friends and I were asking each other the other day.  Why is it that they must feel the need to try to get over on a women? Is it to show they have the upper hand? That they are “the man”? Is it to be the big boy on campus? What is the reason for this?

 

Do they feel they must always look a certain way, carry themselves a certain way? To prove their worth?

 

I guess when you can’t fully comprehend why a person would do horrible things, its because you could never see yourself doing these same things, so you cant grasp the idea for purposely hurting another person.

 

When my girlfriend decided to go out with this guy who was continuing to pursue her for weeks at the gym,she thought he was nice guy, hell I thought he was a nice guy.

 ( okay,  I am not the best person to judge men!)

She went out with him and guess what Yup he lied, he was married,  now really ? Why would you lie and pursue a women when you have another at home?

 

Why would want to go through all the trouble to try to keep up with all your lies? People do things, to get a result you do drugs to feel the high, most people start drinking to dull a pain they have, your a sex addict because never felt loved and you keep looking for it in every person you sleep with.

 

So what do you get from lying? The fact you got away with it? The excitement of getting getting caught? Again we are baffled as we couldn’t imagine doing that.

 

My girlfriend tells me all the time about married men that hit on her(yes, she knows they are married) and it pisses her off! We know you are married, so what does that say about what you think about us? That we are okay with your lying and cheating? 

 

Wake up we think your a pathetic liar and cheater, it does nothing for us , no we don’t feel flattered, we don’t think it’s cute, we actually think your a slime bag, that you obviously have no respect for us, your wife or yourself. 

 

So the next time you chose to lie, think about why you are doing it, think about the people you are hurting and think about how others view you, You are your word and if your word is worthless , well then so are you!

 

Are you a true friend?

Are you truly a friend? Can you ask yourself that question and truly be honest?Are you there through thick and thin or are only there to hear the gossip?

 

Will you stand up and voice your opinion when all others are against you, for a friend or will you stand in the background letting them blow in the wind by themselves?

 

If you found out something that would potentially hurt your friend would you speak up and tell them or would you hold back on information that might change their decisions?

 

Would you tell them things about a new person they were dating?

Or would you stand on the side lines waiting until they got hurt to speak up?

 

I am a true friend, I will be your friend till the end, my friends are the family I chose for myself,  I will do anything for my friends, when they hurt , I hurt, so I could never not tell them something that could potentially hurt them.

 

Not long ago one of my best friends was looking to relocate down here and I was thrilled that she would be closer, but when her current job stepped up and offered her a promotion and raise, I was just as thrilled for her, she was happy and that made me that much more happy for her, see a true friend has your best interest at heart.

 

Recently a friend couldn’t get over a ex I encouraged her to let it go, go out there,  date again hey all men aren’t dogs even after what just happened to me , so she went and I was so happy for her, even when I was in a painful place , I could still be happy for my friends happiness. 

 

Well it turned out this what seemed to be a nice guy ended up to be… yup you guessed it a dog, yup a married dog at that! Now I am as pisssed as she is because he played my friend, it was just like he played me!

 

Do you get this concept? doesn’t matter that it was her , shes my friend, she hurts, I hurt!

 

Would I have spoke up and told her if I knew or had heard he was married, Hell in a New York minute! Because I would want to save her from pain.

 

If your a true friend that is what you do , you sit and hold your friend as her heart is breaking and you cry with her because your heart is breaking for her! 

 

You are there in good times,in bad times, when she’s a bitch, when you think she’s doing something crazy and wont listen (thank you all of my true friends for this one!) If you agree with her or not, you are still there through thick and thin because that’s what friends do!!

 

I do not want half in friends, either your jumping in the deep end with me or find another lake, its all or nothing!

 

Lately I have been deleting people from my Facebook page and from my real life page, I am in a incredible place in my life and I will not be taking “so called ” friends with me on my journey, no  no only friends who will stand with me, stand up for me and when I truly need them help me stand when I am no longer able to, these are the kind of friends I chose to have in my life.

 

So.. what kind of friends are you holding on to? Think about it, and then make the decision to cut out the baggage that is holding you down, holding you back, the baggage that does not have your back!

Its okay like Bishop said on Sunday God will bring new builders in your life to help you built the life you want!

 

 

 

Its amazing as I sit here once again crying, and I think about that only two weeks ago I stood here broken and hurt and I didn’t think I could put the pieces back together. 

 

Then I thought about the time before when I was in one of my darkest hours and I came here because I had nothing and mo where to go, I sat here week after week crying, I never thought I would ever be whole or happy again.

 

The  more and more I came and the more I gave my life over to God,  the more peaceful I became until one day I was standing here crying, but they were tears of joy for the peace I had in my heart.

 

Now just two weeks later I am standing here yet again crying tears of joy because yet again God took that pain away from my heart.

 

At the time of your pain, while you are going through the storm, when your heart is breaking,  you can’t see the sun , you think of how bad your hurting and you don’t see a end in sight.

 

 I am here to tell you that if you give it to God, if you let it go, the pain will go away and the sun will shine again.

 

I put out my heart each and every day, I write about my happiness and yes I write about my pain so that you can see yes, you can be at your lowest point but if you have faith, God will turn it around for you. 

 

And each and every time, life throws something at you, you will able able to get up faster and become stronger,  because you know the stronger your faith, the bigger the blessing. 

 

No one said this faith walk was a piece of cake, that once you turn your life over to God, everything was going to be all roses and smooth sailing, no that is when the real work is going to come in, the work of how much do you believe? How strong is your faith? If you don’t get your prayers answered right away , will still have faith?

 

No, I didn’t think this was going to happen to me, I thought I went through enough in my life, but when it did happen, it only made my faith stronger, the first thing I did was pray, pray to help me get through this, pray that he would take the anger away and pray for the person who hurt me, because he truly needed Gods help.

 

And guess what? Two weeks later I am here to tell you, I am crying at church because I have found my peace, I have the joy back in my heart and I know I am the child of the most high God and that no weapon formed against me will prosper.  I know he has big, big plans for me.

 

So when I got asked to be a guest speaker at a singles conference to tell others about the warning signs of being single and how you must listen to Gods voice if this is the one for you, I knee beyond a shadow of a doubt, this was another lesson I needed to learn and get through so that I may keep going and keep inspiring others. 

 

Last night after a wonderful day of praise, a incredible lunch with people I truly love, a nap and a long bike ride around my lake, some one on one time doing yoga and connecting with the earth and my creator,  I turned on my music, my lights, I sat in my back yard listening to the sounds of my fountains and the birds, I grilled up some dinner and I danced and sang in my peaceful space, truly enjoying being me and being alone.

 

I am happy with me, I am at peace again and I feel joy in my heart. Will there be more trails in my life , yes that I  sure of but am I worried, No not at all, I know I have God beside me,  its all good and getting better and better with each day.

 

So don’t lose faith, don’t think this pain will ever end, I am living proof if you believe, if you truly believe all things are possible!