There is not a day that I don’t walk in my front door that I don’t say these words,
” I love my house , I love my life.”
Yes every single time, it never gets old, the feeling is the same time after time.
For so many years as I cried myself to sleep, I would close my eyes and dream about what my home would look like and feel like.
I would go through each room in my mind, I would picture the feel of the house, the furniture, even the paintings on the walls, yes in vivid imagination.
Even when I didn’t have the strength to leave my situation, I would buy things and hide them away, I would say “this is for my new home, a home where I would be happy and at peace”
Sometimes when things got really bad I would sneak and pull out something from my future and hold it, I would close my eyes and picture myself there and for that moment I would be okay.
It became my escape, when he would scream at me that I was worthless, I would go to “my home” and see how it was going to be, he would be yelling and I would be gone, it was how I got through the last two years there.
I made vision boards, I cut out furniture, lamps, tables, I cut out places I wanted to go, quotes I wanted to be, strong, independent, free. I put it up in my laundry room so I could see it every day and know this was going to be my future.
When I finally got the courage to leave and found this townhome, I knew I was home, this was the place I’ve dreamt about .
The first night there surrounded by boces, exhausted from the move I sat on the floor and looked around and cried, I was finally free, here I was on my own, free at last! For so many years I dreamt of this and here I was, it was overwhelming.
As I unpacked and went to yard sales and consignment shops, little by little I got it done and it came out exactly what I invisioned it, it is light and airy with a beachy feel, it is warm and inviting and I love it more and more each day.
So I am telling you this because you might be in that dark space, you don’t think you can do this on your own, he has told you, you are worthless, or can never make it on your own, I am here to tell you keep dreaming, have a vision board, buy small things you want to start your new home with, dream, dream, dream….
Never stop believing!
You can do it, you will do it! And one day you will write to me and say “I love my home” just as I do each and every day.