Why are you afraid of being alone?

Hump day Treadmill Treats

Why are you afraid of being alone?

I was talking to a friend yesterday and he asked why do I think so many women stay in abusive relationships or even unhappy relationships, I said that most women are afraid to be alone.

Yes, some of us stay because they don’t think they can do it on their own, financially. That was my number one reason I stayed.

In the beginning, when my girls were little, he would threaten to take them away so I stayed, when they got older, it was because I was afraid I couldn’t make it on my own.

When for years, you hear “you can never make it on your own, your nothing without me, you will be living in a box under 95 ” you start to believe it and so I stayed.

Look lets be honest, its hard to make it out there, jobs don’t pay enough,rents in good areas cost alot, food, bills… its tough, so some women sell their souls in return of the “good life”

But when you sell your soul to the devil there is a price to pay, your self esteem, your peace and your joy, your life the way you really want to live it.

I think women have to much ego (remember ego = edging God out) they don’t want others to see them without the latest MK bag or lou shoes, they want to show off that big house on the hill.No, move to a tiny apartment, not a chance, what will the neighbors say?

I have been there but I was dying inside, a slow painful death and when I felt like I couldn’t go on, that box under 95 looked pretty good to me, it least I would be free!

Yes,  some women feel they need a man, they don’t feel like a whole women without one. They have been going from one relationship to another their whole life without ever being alone.

I don’t understand if you cant afford to make it on your own why don’t women roommate together?  Your both going through this, why not be there for each other? Help each other out? Isn’t this a better solution then staying and dying?

Let go of your material mind, its just stuff and probably its stuff your buying to fill that deep hole where your soul once was.

No amount of things will fix that, the only thing that will fix it is getting your life back, filling your heart with love for yourself, with peace and joy that believing in a higher power (which ever that may be for you) gives you, that knowing you got this and its okay , its that feeling that is freedom. 

So today my friends ask yourself why are you staying?  Be honest, are you afraid of being alone?  Take some time to get to know yourself, you will realize what great company you are. Your smart, beautiful, funny, kind, and compassionate, Hell your the whole package! 

Yes, when you realize your worth , you will realize what great company you are to yourself and you will be okay with being alone.

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listen to your intuition

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

Listen to your intuition

I was speaking to a psychologist yesterday and we were talking about intuition, she said the studies say we humans are the only species that doesn’t listen to our intuition. 

Wow, that’s incredible, we were all giving intuition yet we are the only ones that poo poo our gift, why?

When a deer feels it , he turns and runs, yet when we feel it, we try to rationalize it. You get into an elevator, there is someone in there , your skin crawls, the hair on the back of your neck stands up, yet you say “oh I can’t get out, he will be offended, nah, I am just making it up. This is your intuition, a God given gift of survival but again and again we don’t listen. 

You meet a man or women, they seem wonderful on paper,  great looking, good job, nice car but your gut is screaming something is wrong and what do we do, we ( especially us ladies) we make excuses “oh he’s so cute, he’s got a great job, no, he’s a great guy” poo,poo,poo away all of our intuition.

Yet four months down the line, that’s when my bestie says the crazy starts to come out and we find out he’s a lying, cheating dog, you go “why didn’t I know?” Dipshit you knew from day one, but you chose to ignore the warning signs.

Hey, I can say this because I am one of the biggest dipshits, I trust all people, I want to believe that they have changed, that they are basically good inside,.

Wake up and smell the coffee!  Yes, its great to believe the best in people and I am the biggest cheer leader on change but I didn’t listen to my intuition, not on my marriage, not on my first or definitely my  second relationship after my divorce (yes, I am hard headed, do you read my blogs?)

No, I made excuses, I poo pooed it all away to find out, yup it was spot on from the start!  Wow look how much hard ache I could have saved myself, how many wasted years?

I believe everything is a lesson and I have learned from my lessons, these are mistakes I will not repeat, no, from now on I will listen,  if I get into an elevator and feel it, I’m out of there, if I am on a date , I’m done,sorry… next! If I am getting on a plane , you better move out my way because I will knock you down to get off!

No, I have learned to listen, not question, just listen to the voice inside of me…

So today my friends be still, listen to your gift inside of you and then run Forrest run, follow that deer, he’s passing you up!

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The impossible place in your life

Treadmill Treats Monday message

The impossible place in your life

Are you in that place in your life where your back is against the wall and you don’t know what to do?

There are times in your life when things are going along great and then the rug gets pulled out from under you yet again.

I have been there twice in the last year, I thought I had met the man of my dreams to find out that he was a lying, cheating, con man and recently after just settling in my landlord wants to sell the property.

Really can I get a break here lord? Yes, I am human, sorry I tell it like it is, I looked up and cried out ” really? Cant you cut me any slack here really? Haven’t I’ve been through enough?”

But then I remember all he has brought me through, I know my purpose, this gift of writing he has given me and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that yes, he will open another door, that this is a test of my faith and yes, I believe….

There are two things can happen when your in this point of your life:

1 you can have hopelessness

2 or you can put all your faith in God, you totally give it to God and let go.

That’s it, one of the two, which one do you pick? Believe me the choice is up to you. For me it is easy, I can not worry about things I can not change, I refuse to get stressed, have my hair fall out or make myself physical sick, all that I have done in the past and all of it didn’t change the circumstances, so I am stupid? No,I am not doing the same things waiting for different results, that my friends is the definition of insanity!!

Are you out of your past but mentality your still there? Are you constantly looking in the rear view mirror? Are people in your lofe reminding you of your past and past mistakes?

Always remind yourself that God is there for you, he forgave you, the others don’t matter. He awoke you today, that means you have another chance, to change, to believe, to have faith that it will be alright.  

When your in your impossible moments those are your God moments. Put your faith in these impossible moments, it is in those places God will show himself.

So today my friends remember that faith is looking for an environment that is impossible to show you that if you believe nothing is impossible. Believe!

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What’s up with todays young woman?

TGIF Treadmill Treats

 What’s up with today’s women?

I may be old school but for the life of me I can’t understand today’s young women, they are truly lazy as I see it.

Go ahead jump all over me but I call it as I see it, I was married, I had 2 kids, I took care of 12 sugar gliders,12 ferrets,100 (yes that is not a misprint! ) lizards, a dog and a cat. I ran our business which I had to call 40 restaurants each day to get orders, place them, write tickets for all of them and balance all the books (no there were no computers to do that back then!) I would then clean and have a full meal (no mac and cheese or hot dogs) on the table by 6 pm.

After cleaning up, homework and baths I would then do hair until 11, clean up , do another load of clothes before dropping in bed to start it all over by 6 am to go to the gym before school started.

These women don’t know what it is to cook, their houses look like a pig pen, they walk around in sweats all day and when their husbands or in today’s world “baby daddy” comes home they expect them to do it?

Look I am all for working together, I never had that luxury with my ex,, yes if he three in some laundry, helped you clean or cook that is what a true relationship is about, helping the one you love.

Bit for him to work all day while your home and he doesn’t even have a clean house or a cooked meal, please get a grip.

Its no wonder there are so many and I mean so many younger guys going for older women, we know how to treat a man, that is why we didn’t have 5 “baby daddies” back then. You found a good man, you did your part, he did his part and you stayed together when things got tough.

Look, think of it this way, its summer you took your whole day off to clean the house, Monday comes you go to work, your kids are home all day doing whatever and you come home and the house is a mess , there is no food left and they are laying around watching Oprah, ( okay that was my days! )  now your good and pissed and you be! You busted your ass all day and come home to see this, hello ladies,this is what your husbands feel like!

 

Yes, I should have stood up and say “hey, I need some help, we’re a team” but I didn’t, believe me a lesson well learned and one that I will never repeat. But to do nothing except taking care of your kids ,yes, yes I know its a full time job but I knew women who had 3 kids ,5 kids kids with disabilities do it, so stop your whining about I don’t know how hard it is, did you just read my story, please what I would have gave “just” to take care of the kids , clean and cook!

Your too busy worrying about movie stars life’s, your friends crap on twitter or the latest jackass reality show, sorry I am real I have said it before I am not Willy Wonker, I will not sugar coat crap!

Get off your ass, be a partner,  I get your tired, sorry you have kids, you will rest when they are grown, take then to the park, bike riding, play dates, these are the things they will remember believe me , my kids bring up stuff that we did 10 years ago, they remember the times you spent with them, it will strengthen your relationship and it will give you a sense of accomplishment.

So today my friends send this to the young women in your life,talk to them,  show them how its done , teach them to be the best women, the best mom and the best partner they can be! 

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Changes they are coming. ..

 

 

THURSDAY, AUGUST 21, 2014

 

Changes they are coming. ..

 

Thursday Treadmill Treats Changes they are coming…

 

 If you read my blog you know I was afraid of change, I was stuck in a horrible marriage for 24 years because of fear, fear of not being able to take care of myself, fear of losing my kids and fear of change. 

 

Heart pounding, throat tightening, hand sweating fear! Yes, fear controlled my life, change was going to have to take me kicking and screaming.

 

 But when you wake up and enough is enough, when your sick and tired of being sick and tired, when you hit rock bottom, there is no where to go and nothing else to do but change, you close your eyes, you give it to God and you pray as you jump off that cliff.

 

 The last three years has had more change than the last twenty years. I am talking about scary, big changes, at first I questioned everything, how can I do this without my mom and dad? (who both passed within 3 years of each other)can I do this on my own? How can I pay my bills? What if I don’t find a job? What about my girls, is this the right thing for them? So many unanswered questions. 

 

In the end all of the questions didn’t matter, I had to get out, I was dying and and I was in survival mode, flight or fight, I was doing both! 

 

I had no job, I just started my own business, I hadn’t paid bills or taxes on my own in 24 years, he took care of everything, I moved into my own house, bought my own car, started living my own life. 

 

All big, scary things but guess what? The change didn’t kill me, yes at first it was scary, the unknown always is but I was doing it, not liking it all, but I was doing it. 

 

The rug was pulled out from under me yet again when I thought I had found a great guy but turned out to be a nightmare, but I got through that change too. 

 

Yesterday God decided he has a sense of humor and my landlord told me she was selling my house, really? ? I not even there a full year, you got to be kidding? I am good with change but can you at least give me a little break here?

 

 Well I did what I been doing for the last 3 years, I prayed, I tossed out fear on its ear, I let doubt out the back door and I gave anxiously a kick in the ass. I got this, change no longer scares me. 

 

I prayed and decided to see if I can buy this place, if its meant to be, it will be and if its not in God’s will, I will be packing and moving yet again! 

 

Gone are the days that I stress so much that I can’t sleep, that I have to be rushed to the hospital for chest pains or my hair falls out in clumps, no I refuse to go there.

 

 I have sick, sick faith, it will all be okay, I cannot change anything with worry or fear so why bother? I am good, God’s got this, I will sit back and go for the ride, praising all the way to wherever it leads me.

 

 So today my fiends, remember don’t be afraid of change, don’t let fear grip you so bad that your stuck and dying in that spot. Yes, it will be okay, just have faith, close your eyes and yell weeeeeee what a great ride this life truly is.

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When you don’t listen to the signs

Hump day Treadmill Treats

When you don’t listen to the signs

I just heard about a high school friend of mine that was murdered by her estranged husband. It was so sad, she was young and beautiful and always fun and now she is gone.

She is my second friend to die this way, I lost another friend years ago when even though she had a restraining order against her police officer boyfriend he walked into a bar back home and killed her in front of everyone.

I was on my way to meet her but forgot something and was running late when I got there, she was gone,again another beautiful, kind, funny women gone because of who she chose.

I will never stop trying to tell women to look for the signs, there are always signs!! The biggest one is inside of you, its your gut feeling, you know something is off, yet you poo poo it away.

You justify it, you make excuses for him and his behavior or your so afraid to be alone that you don’t care as long as you have a man, even when all the red flags are smacking you in the face.

These women weren’t stupid by any means, no we are women, we want to see the best in people, we want to try to help men change, we want to believe they can change,so much so that we turn a blind eye to things we rather not see.

There are always signs, he too jealous, he wants you all to himself, he trys to get you away from your family and friends.
He thinks your screwing around,he always needs his ego stroked, he is narcissistic and he is a control freak.

Are you listening? These are signs! Are you changing to please him? doing things you wouldn’t ever do before? Again signs, pay attention if something doesn’t feel right its not!!

Don’t think he will change his behavior, oh he will change, for the worst, believe that.
Cut your losses and run now before it escalates and a tragedy like this happens.

Here is some starling statistics

3 women are killed each day because of domestic violence!

One out of every 3 women will be abused at some point of her life

33% of people know a women who has been domestically abused.

We need to talk about this, we need to know the signs, we need to teach our girls to see the red flags but most of all we need to know our self worth, we need to love ourselves enough to not put up with this from the start!
Know you are a beautiful, smart, kind women of God, that you are a blessing and should be treated like the diamond that you are, you are priceless!

So today my friends reach out to someone you know, let them know your there for them, teach them the signs and let them know their worth.

In loving memory of Pammi Muller, you will be missed.

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The day the laughter stopped…losing Robin Williams

Tuesday treadmill treats treats:

The day the laughter stopped… losing Robin Williams

You never know what a person is feeling inside, when I read that Robin Williams had committed suicide I, like the rest of the world was shocked. Here was this brilliant, funny, loved man, we all thought had the world by the balls and yet inside he was a tortured soul.

That is how most of us walk around on this earth, we show the world one side, us smiling while inside we’re dying.

Who would have thought to look at him from the outside that he could have done this, to the rest of us, we think “what kind of problems could he have? He is a movie star, he is loved, he had all kinds of sick money, really how bad can it be?”
But we are too quick to see what we want to see, we are too quick to think that because you have fame and fortune that it magically takes all your problems away.

Money doesn’t buy happiness, I can attest to that! No, it brings bigger problems, if your not happy inside a 10,000 fur coat on top of you is not going to fix you, you have t fix the inside first.

Yes, you know lots of people that you probably see every day that are putting on a smiling face and are tortured on the inside, yet you have no clue.

I have three friends that are dealing with life changing, debilitating illnesses yet if you didn’t know, you would have never guessed they are sick.

They are the most positive, inspiring, role models I know. But I know them and I know that there are days they can hardly get out of bed, that the pain, the medicine and all the doctors visits are too much and that they pray that the pain will stop, yet to the world they seem not to have a care.

I put on a smile every day, I presented to be in a happy, loving marriage to a wonderful guy who at night behind closed doors called me every name in the book, constantly told me how stupid I was, how I was nothing, no, no one knew that every night after putting my girls to bed I would get into a tub with wine and sleeping pills and pray God would take me home, no one knew I wrote suicide letters to my girls two Christmas’s ago, I didn’t want to go on, I was in that much pain inside.

No, they only saw what I wanted them to see just like Robin Williams did, it looked like he had it all, but remember looks can be deceiving.

He obviously was hurting so very much that he thought this was the only way to stop his pain and he didn’t reach out to anyone for help.

It is such a loss for the world as he was a truly brilliant and he will be missed. My heart goes out to his family because at that moment you don’t think about what it will do to them, you can’t see past your own pain, to realize how devastated they will be.

So today my friends, when you speak to someone, speak kind words, don’t be too quick to judge, you never know if your words will effect another person or if that person is in pain inside, yet showing you a smiling face.

Be kind to others, because there before the grace of God goes you….

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Keep the faith

Treadmill Treats Monday message:
Do not give up hope

Ever wonder how can the wicked prosper and the righteous suffer?

Yes, you are trying to walk the right path, you go to church, you give, you pray, you help others, you try to be the best person you can be in God’s eyes yet your prayers still go unanswered.

There goes an unbeliever, they cheat, they steal, they lie, they step on others to get what they want and look at that they are getting, all the riches you’ve been praying for. Your thinking how could that be possible? Where is the justice in that? When will it be your turn?

Do you say, why shouldn’t I be like them, if I am not going to get all I’ve been praying for, why should I do all these things and still not be rewarded?

Your not going to work 40 hours a week and not a expect a paycheck, you know what’s coming at the end of the week , you know it is coming right?
so why don’t you have the same faith in God? You know if you believe that God is not one to lie, so why do you doubt your payday is not coming from him?

Yes, you have problems and yes you need Gods help, but be careful your problems dont lock you in a room, that they do not take over your mind and your life. That they don’t become so big that they are in your mind every waking moment.

So big that you become another person and its wrecking your relationship and your life.

Shouldn’t your every waking moment be about God, praying and believing? My favorite saying is from Dr.Martin Luther King Jr “pray and let God worry” you cant pray and worry, you need to do one or the other.

When your so down and you need someone to have your back, who do you turn to? Do you think that you can’t give it to him, that he won’t always be there for you?

We expect things to come to us, we dont want to seek after him,but you have to put effort into it, you are aleep walking through your life.

You are worrying about things you cannot change. I remember even in my darkest days, I still praised his name, I still thanked him,I can remember when I thought I found love and thought it was my season finally, when the rug was pulled out from under me yet again.

The first thing I did was get down on my knees and pray , I thanked him for his strength, I thanked him for all my other blessings in my life, I praised him in my darkest moments and I knew that he would get me through this, I knew this was another test I needed to learn for my testimony.

Is that why your depressed because you are not putting him first. When things go bad do you lose your faith? stop praising his name? Say why me right away?

“Go after his things not yours and when you do he will bless you with all the things your heart desires”

We think God only blesses good people but God even blessed Jacob and look at all he did but if you can obey even if your a Jacob you will get God’s blessings.

I never say I am not going to get all I pray for, no I have sick faith, I say yes I am GOING to become a New York Times bestselling author, I will have an extremely successful blog, I will travel around the world inspiring others to keep the faith, this is not a fairy tale to me, this is what is going to happen, I am speaking it into the atmosphere and it will be.

So today my friends, walk in faith, do something you have never done before because what do you have to lose? Keep your faith, keep praising, keep knowing your blessings are coming, never lose hope, for he can do miracles for those who believe.

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The lessons I’ve learned…adapting

Tgif Treadmill Treats

Lessons I learned 2014

Adapting to all circumstances.

This trip taught me to be ready for anything and be willing and open to adapt to all circumstances, it was also a lesson I got to teach my girls.

We had planned to rent a house, but my one girlfriend couldn’t make it and a friend stepped up and offered his house, well he got hurt and didn’t get to finish his house in time for our visit.

One bathroom, six women, one bedroom ready, no sheets or blinds on the windows, yup, this wasn’t going to work, instead of getting upset or mad I rolled with it, okay plan b, we went to my other girlfriends summer cabin, we got there to find out she had no hot water or wi fi, okay we will deal for the next few days until my other friend got there and we would stay with her.

I have to say the girls (4 teenage girls) were pretty cool, guess you lead by example.
Well my other girlfriend came down with her son and his 3 kids all under the age of 6 because her mom was visiting upstate and haven’t seen the kids.

Now I love kids but my idea of a vacation is not stuck in a house with 3 screaming, crying kids as good as they might be, eventually they will be screaming and crying, so we took a vote and decided that we would do without hot water and wifi and rough it at the cabin.

10 to 1 if the house with the kids had wi fi we probably would have been there even with the screaming mimi’s, I did say I had 4 teenage girls right?

We learned to have patience, 6 women one shower? hello!, we learned to adapt to carrying clothes and towels with us to take showers at other friends houses, we learned to work well together, sharing flat irons and makeup.We learned to stop screaming when taking ice cold well water showers.

But the biggest lesson we all learned was to roll with whatever comes along, its not the end of the world, we were lucky enough to be together, to be on vacation, to be blessed to be seeing friends and family and to not sweat the small stuff or not to sweat the sweat in our case, okay not funny!

It made it more the adventure for us , we laughed a lot and had wonderful stories to tell for years to come and actually brought us closer because of it.

The one thing I’ve learned this last year is change is good, I am not afraid of change anymore, deal with it then go on with your life, roll with the punches, deal with it, make the best of it amd look on the bright side. I hope I taught my girls these things as well.

So today my friends, roll with whatever comes along, laugh, know that you are learning to adapt and that change is good, embrace it! It will be okay.

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The lessons I’ve learned 2014 unplug…

Thursday Treadmill Treats:

The lessons I’ve learned from going home 2014 part 1

Every day is another opportunity to learn something new, if you are open and willing, last year after my divorce I learned so many lessons from going home, I found myself, I knew I had true friends, I learned you needed to do “you” I learned that you can always go home again and I learned to except people for who they are. Huge lessons that I keep with me, that impacted my life till this day.

This year I really didn’t think I would learn any lessons as I had learned so many in the last two years, Hello! Can you say rough two years, but my God has a sense of humor and again taught me your never too old to learn a lesson.

I learned to spend quality time with my girls, to unplug and really listen.
I learned that we are too into electronics, to other peoples lives and not our own, that even if we are listening we are still plugged in, thinking about our messages, phones, Facebook and Twitter.

This ten days we had no service was a blessing, I learned that my girls will talk and talk and talk when not plugged in. That we connected like never before, an incredible feat, you know if you have teenagers!

We learned we could adapt to all kinds of difficulties and still smile about it. I learned that even when I thought they weren’t listening, guess what? They were! That even with all they seen while I stayed with their dad, they became strong, when I became strong, they will not put up with what I put up with. They are smart, beautiful, strong young women and I am truly blessed to have them.

I also learned that I am blessed to have my lifetime friends, friends that have known me since I was a snotty nose kid and still love me, warts and all!

This first lesson meant the world to me, I love my girls and I got to become even closer with them, we got to share so many incredible memories that will last a lifetime and for that I will eternally grateful for.

So my friends, today take the time to unplug, to really listen, to enjoy the moment with your love ones, this is the moment you are making a memory, make it a great one.

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