Hump day Treadmill Treats
Is there karma?
There are times I think karma doesn’t exist, like after a 24 year verbally abusive marriage when I got no alimony and hardly any child support, where was karma there?
Then supposly he had no money to give to me but recently he redid the whole house, bought new smart tv ‘ s for the whole house and now is talking about leasing a Massarti, really? ? Hello? Karma?? Where are you?
I was mad, yes I know I am suppose to be Christian, blah, blah, blah. I am human first. Sorry I tell it like it is, I was really pissed, where was karma? Why was he winning yet again?
Then I took a breath (sometimes that’s all you need to do step back, take a breath and let it go) and I realized I was sounding like my mother in law, how 40 years later she still is jealous and petty (oh that’s where my ex gets that from? writing teaches you so many things!) Back to the story… she still holds such hatred for my father in law, how he has this and that, a new wife (they have been married 35 years not really new) how they travel, ect. The hate and bitterness just pours out of her.
That scared me straight, no I don’t want to be that women, I needed to remember all of my blessings, I needed to know that yes there is karma and God will bring it on his time and I have to hope I will eventually have a front row seat to see it unfold. That’s all ….I am good, I am blessed, I have my God, my church, I have a good job, great girls and incredible friend’s and family. I am filled with love, peace and joy l am blessed and I should never complain or be jealous.
Well, recently I have been witnessing karma and it is definitely not the kind of karma I would have ever wanted to see to come to pass. He has been pushing his girls away with his controlling, verbally abusive, greater than thou attitude, you can’t do nothing right, I am perfect persona.
Yes, since I am not there anymore and my mini me moved in with me full time, months ago when she realized he was never going to change and took most of his brunt after we got divorced
(okay let’s be honest, also during the whole marriage as well because she was my defenfer, she was my voice for so many years when I didn’t have one and took so many punishments and beatings because of it)
Now my little one, his favorite is now getting all the abuse and now she too is seeing all we went through so she is also pulling away from him.
This is the worst kind of karma and even after all he has done to me I would never wish this on him, losing your children is the very worst karma.
I want my girls to have a relationship with their father, I had such a wonderful father and step father, I want that for them. Even with all that I still try to encourage a relationship between them because I can’t imagine what it would be like not to have a relationship with my girls.
I have never said a bad word about him since our divorce, okay I called him an as***** once, hello reread the beginning I am human and I do slip and fall. I try my hardest never to talk about him or even ask about him, is it easy? Oh hell no! But I don’t want my girls growing up with two parents talking bad about each other. They are hurt enough I don’t need to add to their pain.
So today my friends, remember you don’t have to say anything, they will learn how people are on their own, you don’t have to wonder if there is karma because the worst of your acts the worst karma is….