It doesn’t matter why they cheat, it’s not about you

Tuesday Treadmill Treats
It doesn’t matter why they cheat, it’s not about you.

Since I started writing this blog I have gotten a huge response on my post’s, I am truly grateful that this gift God gave me have touched so many people.

Sometimes I get letters asking for advice, I am no Ann Landers, I fall on my face more than anyone I know, I make bad decisions and I definitely pick the wrong men so when they ask I am incredibly touched that they would want my opinion. The reason I write this is to inspire others to do what they didn’t think they could do and getting these letters touch my soul, I am truly touched so thank you..

This last week alone 3 women reached out to me about a cheating boyfriend, husband, lover, they all wanted to know what they did wrong, why didn’t they see the signs and what I did to get past my situation, that I so publicly went through.

Again I am so not a love expert but this is what I shared with them.

1- First of all, it’s not about you, you can be the best wife or girlfriend, you can keep yourself beautiful, have your home spotless, cook like a chef and supply his every need in the bedroom and yet he will still cheat.
This is a ego thing for him, it has nothing to do with you, he doesn’t feel like a real man inside and constantly needs to feel like the big man in campus over and over again.
No matter how much you feed his ego, he needs it feel it from others, maybe he’s a con man like my ex, this is his job, to con women for his own gain, maybe he likes the thrill of being close to the edge of getting caught, what ever the sick reason is none of them have to do with you!These are his issus not yours! Do not beat yourself up!

2- There are signs, yes they are yet you chose not to see them, you poo poo them away, you make excuses for them, yes 1+1 doesn’t add up to 2 yet…. well you know he has 2 jobs.. He is a good man… insert excuse. Maybe you were blindsided but if you look back with clear eyes there were things that didn’t sit right, that is your intuition, listen to it, it works trust me on this.

3- How did I get over it?… This is huge, huge it’s all about your self worth, what are you worth? Do you love yourself? How much? Is it okay to let someone do this to you? The answer is no! You need to love yourself enough to know that you are a smart, beautiful, kind and sweet women that any other man would be lucky to have you, to cherish the ground you walk on, this is not the right one.

You deserve to be treated like the Queen you are and NOTHING LESS!! Hear me, nothing less! ! There are plenty of fish in the sea why hold on to one that is a snake, beat up, obviously defected, no throw his ass back and keep fishing until you get that prize, award winning one. He’s out there., you know how I know that there are good men out there? Because we are good women and we are out there, so there has to be some good men out there.

It’s okay to be alone, God so many of us are afraid to be alone, treasure this time, learn who you are, what you want, what you like, expand your interests, learn something new, try new things, meet new people, know you are okay being by yourself and will not settle for a man that isn’t going to treat you right! !

Yes it will be hard…. you will cry,you will question everything. You will curse and get mad but then you must choose to go on, learn the lesson, forgive, yes, I said forgive not for him for you, let go of the hate and give it to your higher power whatever that may be and move on.
You have just learned the most valuable lesson of your life, you have learned what your self worth is, you learned that you will never again be treated that way, that you would rather be alone than to sell your soul for a fancy bag, flowers or a warm body in your bed.
You know who you are and that one day you will thank him for making you this strong woman you will become.

So today my friends, remember this has nothing to do with you, this is a lesson and either you can learn from it or you can repeat the same mistake…The choice is yours…The choice has always been yours.