Changes they are coming

The best of: Thursday  Treadmill Treat

Changes they are coming…

If you read my blog you know I was afraid of change, I was stuck in a horrible marriage for 24 years because of fear, fear of not being able to take care of myself, fear of losing my kids and fear of change.

Heart pounding, throat tightening, hand sweating fear! Yes, fear controlled my life, change was going to have to take me kicking and screaming but when you wake up and enough is enough, when your sick and tired of being sick and tired, when you hit rock bottom, there is no where to go and nothing else to do but change, you close your eyes, you give it to God and you pray as you jump off that cliff.

The last three years has had more change than the last twenty years. I am talking about scary, big changes, at first I questioned everything, how can I do this without my mom and dad? (who both passed within 3 years of each other) can I do this on my own? How can I pay my bills? What if I don’t find a job? What about my girls, is this the right thing for them?

So many unanswered questions. In the end all of the questions didn’t matter, I had to get out, I was dying and and I was in survival mode, flight or fight, I was doing both! I had no job, I just started my own business, I hadn’t paid bills or taxes on my own in 24 years, he took care of everything.

I moved into my own house, bought my own car, started living my own life. All big, scary things but guess what? The change didn’t kill me, yes at first it was scary, the unknown always is but I was doing it, not liking it all, but I was doing it.

The rug was pulled out from under me yet again when I thought I had found a great guy but turned out to be a nightmare, but I got through that change too. Yesterday God decided he has a sense of humor and my landlord told me she was selling my house, really? ? I not even there a full year, you got to be kidding? I am good with change but can you at least give me a little break here? Well I did what I been doing for the last 3 years, I prayed, I tossed out fear on its ear, I let doubt out the back door and I gave anxiously a kick in the ass.

I got this, change no longer scares me. I prayed and decided to see if I can buy this place, if its meant to be, it will be and if its not in God’s will, I will be packing and moving yet again! Gone are the days that I stress so much that I can’t sleep, that I have to be rushed to the hospital for chest pains or my hair falls out in clumps, no I refuse to go there.

I have sick, sick faith, it will all be okay, I cannot change anything with worry or fear so why bother? I am good, God’s got this, I will sit back and go for the ride, praising all the way to wherever it leads me.

So today my fiends, remember don’t be afraid of change, don’t let fear grip you so bad that your stuck and dying in that spot. Yes, it will be okay, just have faith, close your eyes and yell weeeeeee what a great ride this life truly is.