Thank you for the pain

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

Thank you for the pain

Lately I have been in a state of gratefulness, every day, every minute and I realized that I am in this state because of all that happened in my life. Yes, because of all the pain I had, I am truly grateful today.

This was a shock to me as well, I know your thinking how can you be grateful for the pain in your life?
I realized that if I didn’t reach rock bottom, if I didn’t wake up on the floor after a 8 day coke binge with vomit stuck on my face, I wouldn’t appreciate waking up clean every morning.

If I wasn’t raped I wouldn’t know true forgiveness, if I wasn’t in a horribly abusive marriage and was in such a dark place, I wouldn’t know what this happiness truly feels like. All of the bad makes me appreciate all the good I have now.

Mr.Con Artist made me realize that you can’t expect anyone to fill your void, that I needed to listen to my gut, that being alone was okay.
Mr .Emotional unavailable taught me to really listen when a person tells you who they are, that “the perfect package ” on the outside is definitely not the same as what’s going on inside.

Mr.High school sweetheart taught me that no matter how much you want the fairytale to come through, some people just cannot give it to you, except them for who they are and where they are at.

My relationship with my girls, as hard as it got during and after the divorce  taught me to appreciate how close we are now and realize things can change and will change.

My friendships taught me not everyone is coming along for the ride…and some will be there for you for a lifetime and always have your back.

Neighbors taught me to reach out and ask for help and believe the good in people, giving taught me to that it is better to give than receive.

Fear taught me nothing changes when nothing changes, fear will keep you stuck. I learned change is a good thing….a great thing!

Stress and depression taught me that when your hair is falling out, when you can’t eat or sleep,when you worry all the time, that all of that is not going to change your present situation, so why do it? I learned to pray and let God worry.

My God taught me to have faith and believe no matter how dark it may get, that he got this.

So today my friends I want to give a prayer of thanks to everyone who caused me pain, for every disappointment, for every night I lost sleep and every tear when I cried, when I cried myself to sleep.
I want to thank you for teaching me how strong I truly was and to keep having the determination to keep going when I thought I no longer could go on. Thank you all, for now I know the true meaning of happiness and joy, I have peace and a heart of thanksgiving for every day I am alive. Thank you for the pain…

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The peace in your life

Treadmill Treats Monday Message
The peace in your life

I remember a long time ago I went to a mediation class and they asked what you truly wanted in your life. They made you write it on a piece of paper and speak it to the universe.
Recently I found that piece of paper in my wallet and it said
“I want peace within”
Of all the things I could have asked for I knew I wanted peace in my life, something money could never buy.

I wanted the kind peace that comes in your life, that you no longer worry, that your faith is so strong you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything will be okay.

The day I cried out to God after hitting rock bottom is the day I received this kind of peace. It is a indescribably feeling when you let go and let God, your life will never be the same.
In spite of what you have done he will love and forgive you. No matter how many times you screw up, he still feels like you deserve it, you deserve his favor and his grace and mercy.

I remember the first time coming into this church, I was broken, I was hurting and I was lost and I had no where to go and no one to help me.
God spoke to me through my Bishop, the message was for me. It was about John, who was in the boat and Jesus told him to get out of the boat in the storm, to trust him that he could walk on the water. He listened but once he doubted his faith he sunk yet Jesus still saved him.This was me, I was drowning in a storm, I believed but not totally and kept sinking until I truly gave it over to him.

Today I no longer worry about what people say, about bills or clients or what if’s. I stand fast in his word…I pray and let God worry, that’s it, that is my physiology of life, pretty simple right? Yup…pray and let God worry, my part is trusting and believing, the rest is up to him.

I have to tell you the last 2 years have been incredible, you can feel the peace when you walk into my home,when your around me even in my writing, it is everywhere in my life and I learned that if something or someone is threatening that peace, they are history, because I’ve worked to hard to get it, nothing is going to mess this up.

So today my friends, let go of stress, of sleepless nights, of anger, anxiety and heart palpation, none of which will change your situation instead chose peace. Let Go and let God and you will find it, look what happened all those years ago, I spoke it and so it was….

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The incredible gift of friendship

Thursday Treadmill Treats

The incredible gift of friendship

I say all the time that I am blessed with wonderful friends, that one person shouldn’t have this many friend’s and yet I do. I have had friends I’ve known since I’ve been 5 years old, friends I went all through school with and friends I’ve met when I started my life in Florida.

I remember when I was married and my ex made me choose, him or my friends, being young and stupid, I chose him and felt like I lost a part of my soul.
For years he kept me away from my friends because he knew they would see right through him and tell me to open my eyes. As I found myself again, I found my friends again and they helped me through some of my darkest days. They encouraged me, supported me, gave me a shoulder to cry on and even after time and time again I didn’t take their advice about freeing myself from this marriage, they were still there for me.

They have been there in good times and bad, in hard times and smooth sailing, they made me laugh and taught me who I truly was and the lesson of always being yourself.
But never more than this year, I’ve realized how truly blessed I am, how many friends came to my need to help me first when I got divorced and moved out and then with this new home I bought.
I had friends fly in from all across the country for my 50th this year, friends that flew in to help me with my new home and this week friends that flew in to make me a surprise house warming party. I was blown away each and every time to know I have these incredible friends.

So today my friends I want to thank all of my amazing friends who went above and beyond the word friendship to become the family I chose for myself and to say that words could never express what I feel for you all.
I am truly blessed each and every day that you are in my life, I love you all.

Ricardo, Melva, Griselle, Jilly Jill, Ellis, Halley, Carol and Rick, Audrey and Larry, Agashee, Sol, Steven, Thomas, Iva, my church family, Ebin, Adrian, Dave, Linda, Mark and Kelly, Frank and G1.

I know there are plenty more that I may have forgotten, please forgive me as I write this first thing in the morning but know I am grateful for each and every one of you 

When all your hard work pays off

Treadmill Treats Monday message

When all your hard work pays off

If you follow my blog you know I bought a home on Christmas  eve, this was a huge step for me as newly single women.
This was all on me and it was a daunting task as this house had to be gutted inside and out.
I had no one to depend on, no one to  bounce ideas off and no one to help me with all I needed to be done, this was some scary crap to take on by myself.

But I am blessed with many wonderful friends who quickly came to my rescue and helped me with everything.

I have been working non stop since the day after Christmas, hiring people, picking out all the things this home needed and boy did it need a lot. The only thing I got to salvage was 2 ceiling fans, a garbage disposal and 1 tub and toilet that’s it! Everything else had to go and be replaced.
The back yard looked like a barren waste land, everywhere you looked something needed to be fixed.

It was extremely exhausting mentally and physically as I was trying to save money by doing a lot of the work myself and some days I felt like I was going to drop from the pressure but in the end, I endured.
Looking around last night at my finished product I felt proud of all I have accomplished on my own and all of my blood, sweat and tears I put into this home.

Again I cried because I am so grateful for this blessing I have been given, this is the best time in my life, this is my harvest I have been waiting for, praying for, dreaming of and it’s here and I couldn’t be happier.
This is a new chapter in my life and I am so excited about it as I couldn’t even imagine it could be this good.

So today my friends, never stop dreaming, never stop believing, put in your seeds, your hard work and your faith because sooner or later it will all pay off. One day soon you will be able to sit back and look at all your hard work and be proud of all you have done and how far you have come and realize just how truly blessed you are, that is then when you will know you that your hard work paid off.

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Learning to accept gifts from others

Hump day Treadmill Treats

Learning to accept gifts from others

I write all the time about karma and what you put out there, you will get back. The bible says it best, you reap what you sow… and I am a big believer in paying it forward to others and being a blessing in others lives. The problem comes when I am on the receiving end, I feel that I am not worthy of the gifts, that somehow I need to give back to who is giving me the gift.

Since I have been blessed with my new home, I put a call out for help and so many people came forward to help me, it’s been amazing but the biggest gift came from my childhood friend Ellis, he took off a week from his company and flew down here from New York to help me built a fence, put in a paver deck and a million other things I needed to get done.

I worked side by side with him every day. He was patient and kind, he explained all he was doing, he was an incredible teacher. We laughed, we yelled, we sweated and we became even closer friends after this week. He stuck up for me after my kitchen contractor was yet again trying to screw me by doing shoddy work. He made me feel like I could do anything and that I had this.

At the end of the week I offered him money for all of his work because I felt like he took this time off and he worked like a dog, the least I could do was pay him for the money he wasn’t making back home.

He wouldn’t take it, we fought about it, yet he wouldn’t take it. I was upset how could he do this all and not take my money? When I spoke to another childhood friend he said that when someone gives you a gift from their heart accept it, they are blessing you, do not tarnish their gift by thinking you must repay it or do something back in return, just accept it in love.

I never really thought of it that way before and realized he was right, I would accept this gift for the blessing it was and be grateful for it and for him.

So today my friends, do not question the gift that is presented to you, it came from love, be open and be grateful for it, as it is the seeds you have planted long ago that now you are reaping.

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Why would you gossip about others

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

Why would you gossip about others?

I went to a party the other night and it was amazing how some people like to gossip about others. The first thing they did was start whispering about this one and that one, I don’t get it.
We are at a point in our lives that we should be adult enough to let go of all the petty bullshit and be happy for others successes not their failures.

I am not jealous of anyone as I know that looks can be deceiving, yes that friend who has those Lou shoes or the Gucci purse looks good on the outside but inside she is dying and unhappy. Your friend with the big house and fancy car can’t sleep at night because they are drowning in debt. The friend who thinks they are better than everyone else and puts others down is really insurcure about themselves and is trying to take the focus off of their own shortcomings.

I want to know the good stuff, they decided to change their lives, they got a promotion,
a new house, someone gifted them with a new car. That is what I want to talk about, the positive things not the negative.
I focus on all the good around me, I don’t think there is nothing missing, nothing lacking or nothing broken in my life. I am full and I want to stay in that space, for me gossip is a waste of time just like watching the news, all you hear is bad things.

I don’t want to know the bad, tell me good news, uplift me, give me hope for a better tomorrow, yes there is all of that in this world yet they just focus on the bad, the sensational because we have become a world of gossip mongers. Building someone up just to tear them down.

So today my friends, I am here to let you know that it’s a choice, I tell you that everyday, the choice is yours. You can go around and talk about people to try to make yourself feel better about your situation or you can rejoice in others good fortune and be truly happy for their lives.
I will leave you with this, when my bestie recently had someone give her a car as hers just died, she’s  a single mom on a fixed income and I knew how hard it’s been on her.
When she told me I literally cried because I was as happy for her as if it happened to me.
That is where we should all strive to be, to be happy for others, not jealous or mean spirited or gossiping about them.
Be grateful for the space your in right now….
Change your thoughts…change the world.

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It’s about my journey

Treats Monday message

It’s about my journey. …

People ask me all the time about my faith and why I blog so much about it. I even had people tell me I need to stop talking about it, that I was scaring people off because of this.

I even wrote a blog about it called “Does my faith scare you?” Because of all the slack I have gotten over this. I am not here to stand on a soap box, to cram my faith down your throat or to preach that you better  believe or you’ll go to hell, that is not me, that is not my mission.

I am here to tell my story, to let you know how I got here, it may not work for you and that’s okay, this is my journey and this is my purpose, to write and be able to share how I over came all the advertiser I have had in my life.

Weither you believe my story or not, its okay too, its my story. I know what happened in my life and what got me to the stage where I am now. I know it was God that got me through all of it.

It was God that I prayed to when I was raped and thrown out of that car on the side of the road. It was my God that I prayed to for answers after I woke up, from trying to take my own life. He was the one I felt grace from when I went on to become a rape consular and help others. It was my God that I prayed to when I woke up on the floor from a seven day coke binge , dirty and smelly asking him to save my life.

He is same one I give thanks to from taking away my urge to do drugs and drink. It was my God I prayed to when I was dying a slow death in a verbally abusive marriage, when I could no longer go on and I fell to my knees defeated, broken and empty. It was his name I cried out when I could no longer do it on my own.

So why do I write about it?  Because without his grace and glory I could not have went on, his love put peace in my heart, his words made me believe in myself, his grace made me forgive myself for my many mistakes and forgive others for theirs as well.
In his love I changed my whole life around and I have found a whole new life that I could only dreamed about before.

So today my friends, I am here to tell you what worked for me, this positive, happy, peaceful person you see before you is only here because I gave my life up to God. The choice is yours, I always tell you that… choose my way or choose your own, the choice is up to you.
This is my choice, this is my journey, this is about my happiness and I choose to share my story with you.

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Being open to new things

Tgif Treadmill Treats

Being open to learn new things

I have learned a lot these last few years since my separation and divorce, I learned change is good, I learned what I will except in my life and what is an absolute deal breaker, I learned lessons from trusting people and being hurt from them, I learned I am okay on my own but the biggest lesson I’ve learned is to be open to learning.

Yes, you have to be open to learning otherwise you stay stagnant and close minded. These lessons taught me so much about who I am and what I am made out of. I realized you will never be too old to learn new tricks and if you ever feel that you are too smart to learn something new, then you are truly a moron.

I remember having this argument with my ex, he would say a leopard can’t change its spots. I believe that yes, a leopard can change its spots, no one has to stay in the same situation, keep doing things over and over the same way expecting different results, that’s just insanity, it’s up to you to decide to change and learn a different behavior.

Since buying this house I have learned how to do a lot of things I never thought I was capable of. Starting with taking care of myself, going through negotiations and bank mortgages, paperwork and many decisions I had never made on my own before.

I learned how to do things in my home out of the necessity of trying to save some money. I learned how to put down hard wood floors, how to put up closets, change light fixtures and now how to put up a fence and do a paver patio. I am excited about learning all of these things and grateful that I am open minded enough to try.

I remember when I was doing my triathlon everyone had their age marked on their calves as I was running thinking I can’t do this, this women runs by me. Her calf said 79, yes 79 and she was running past me! Look she didn’t let her age stop her, she learned that age is just a number and yes you can do anything you set your mind to. This gave me the courage to go on, she was my inspiration to always keep trying new things at any age.

I want to keep learning and keep an open mind until I no longer have a mind left. Because it is when you think you can’t learn anything new that you are dead.

So today my friends, have an open mind, try new things, never think your too old to learn new tricks, know a leopard can change its spots and be open to learn new lessons. ..it’s amazing what you can learn when you try.

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I am one tough b***h

Thursday Treadmill Treats

I am one tough b***h

I come from a family of strong women, my Aunt Kay, my dad’s sister was the matriarch of the family at 5’0 she was little but everyone was afraid of her, she was the ultimate tough b***h, her daughter, my cousin Cindy inherited her ways and she can do anything a man can do and better, she is my hero!

My Aunt Nancy and my mother were also cut from the same cloth, both hard workers doing whatever needed to be done for their families. They both worked the night shift in a dinner for 20 years, my mom would come home after working all night, change her clothes and start working  on our 100 year old farmhouse we lived on. I don’t remember a time when they weren’t working on that house.
We were poor and when your poor you learn to do things yourself because you can’t afford to hire people so you figure it out.

My mom worked right beside my dad, doing whatever he did. She dug holes, changed pipes under the house, built rooms, she wasn’t afraid to try anything.

I was fortunate enough to inherite all of these  qualities from them. I am not afraid of power tools, I can change plumbing, fix things, put together and build things. I even put in a wood floor in my new home. There is nothing I won’t try to do…thank God for You tube you can learn just about anything in there! 
I am self sufficient and I am not afraid of hard work because I’ve learned these things from the tough women role models in my life.

Today I will be leaning how to paver the back of my yard and put up a fence with my childhood friend who came down to help me. I will be shoveling, digging and swinging the hammer right beside him. This is all new to me but I am not afraid of hard work and I am excited to be able to say I did this… it is a great feeling of accomplishment when you do something yourself.

This whole buying a house on my own thing has been a trip but a good trip as I have learned all that I am capable of doing and it has made me tougher  and I give thanks to the strong, tough b****h’s that came before me to show me the way and let me know that you can do anything even if your a women.

So today my friends know that you can do anything, do not put limits on yourself because you are a women, learn something new, become self sufficient, it’s amazing how you feel when you know you are a tough b***h!

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Does anyone take pride in their work?

Tuesday Treadmill Treats
Does anyone take pride in their work?

Since remodeling this home and since I had to become my own general contractor I’ve learned alot.

1.I learned definitely go with recommended people, see their work, this way you know what your getting before the job is started.

2. Don’t think that everyone who goes to church is holy and not going to rip you off.

3. Do your homework, know the prices and going rates before you start.

4. Get everything in writing!  Don’t think anyone is doing anything extra for you.

5. Pray… pray and pray some more that you have a lot of friends, pray the contractors will finish on time, pray you don’t kill someone in the process, pray….

In saying all of that I’ve also learned that when you are a women people think your dumb, what are we living in the dark ages or what? They think you don’t know how things are supposed to be.

The kitchen guy Jacob, from The Kitchen remodeling company in Hallandale was  fighting with me about my built in refrigerator, telling me I bought the wrong refrigerator that it’s normal that 4 inches of the refrigerator sticks out of the built in, well then it wouldn’t be built in, would it??

Ha, thank God for Google images that I showed him 10k kitchens that were indeed built in all the way to the doors with standard refrigerators.
So…he fixed it nah…really? ?

Then he gives me a 5 inch filler…yes you read that right 5 inch filler in my pantry are you joking? The crown modeling is not cut right or caulked, their are holes in my walls they they need to be filled, the dishwasher now has a 3 inch gap on both sides, the desk has no gromite holes, the granite in the side of the stove fell off, the microwave cut out is for a giant microwave from 1970 ?? And only 12 inches wide which after measuring 50 microwaves, I realized that 12 deep microwaves don’t exist, yet he blamed me for buying the wrong microwave as well.

He does this every day, you sell me a special cabinet for microwaves that can’t hold a microwave and it’s my fault? ? There is shoddy workmenship and the list goes on and on…and they are a 14 days behind schedule and still not finished!

Then he’s got an attitude with me?? I am the client, you suck it up but you never have attitude with a client. I am at my last nerve and he’s eating on that one fast, I can’t wait for this to be over, it’s been a long, hard month and I am far from over.
Yeah, yeah I know it will be worth it …Yada, Yada Yada … but while your in the storm words don’t give you that much comfort, all you want is it to be done.

If I got this kitchen from my cousin at a super deal, then you get what you get and you don’t get upset but I paid top dollar for this kitchen and I expect top dollar work, sorry if  that makes me a bitch in your eyes, I work hard for my money, do your job right and we don’t have a problem.

No one has to tell me how to do my job, I come in and do it and I make sure your happy with it, because I take pride in my work, I want you to be happy,this is my name on the company, I want you to refer me to your friends and family.

I am equally fair, if you do a good job, the tile guy who I wrote about in a previous blog has gotten 5 referral from me, the painter got 3 jobs he did while doing mine and my friend Mark who does construction will be getting so much business from me his head will spin. If you do a good job I will tell everyone and you deserve it but if your crappy  you better believe I will also be telling everyone just like I did with the plumber, Mr.Service who ripped me off. I don’t want anyone to go though what I did so I will inform you on what kind of service a contractor provides.

So today my friends I write this is hopes that you will have a few pointers if you have to go through this and to hopefully open some people’s eyes on taking pride in their work. At the very least I have gotten this off my chest and will move on to my next project the back yard…wish me luck!

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