What do you do when you get discouraged?

Hump day Treadmill Treats
What do you do when you get discouraged?

We all get discouraged now and then even the most positive people have this happen to them.
You think you can’t do this, it’s not working, not coming fast enough, it’s easier to give up, just forget about it.

I remember I was at the end of my rope, I had hit rock bottom. One day me and some friends went to a card reader, she told me I would still be in this horrible marriage for another 4 years, I remembered that I screamed at her “4 years are you crazy! I can’t do this for 4 years more!”

Yet, it wasn’t time for me to go, I wasn’t sure of myself at that point, I needed more time to know I was strong and independent, to be able to make it on my own, to be able to take care of my girls.

Did I get discouraged? Hell ya but I kept going  every time I thought I couldn’t do it, I thought what would it look like to be happy, free and on my own. I would dream of it, envision it as if it already happened, it was real to me as real as me breathing every day.

I would think of the outcome and that would keep me going.
I wrote about it, I had a vision board, I put it out in the universe each and every day.

I never gave up, even after I got knocked down, I couldn’t find a job for almost a year, the constant fighting and hatred in the home, then after the divorce I got no alimony and a measly child support, through all the disappointments I held on…yes there were some pity parties I can’t lie but the next day I was back stronger than ever.

So today my friends, think about what will happen if you didn’t get to your end result, where would you be, you never know if you quit, look at the big picture and let nothing stop you from getting there…get off disappointment street and start walking on hope Ave it’s a way different neighborhood.

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Haters beware

Tuesday Treadmill Treats
Haters beware
There will always be haters

There  are all kinds of people out there that are haters, they might not even know you but believe me they are hating on you just the same. See when you are full of light and goodness there will be plenty of haters trying to suck that goodness from you.

People can’t imagine how you are so peaceful, how you have such joy in your heart, how can she still believe when everything is tumbling down around her? And when they see great things happening in your life and they think you are lucky, hum… why can’t I be that lucky they say, why do they get that? Be able to do that? I am better, smarter, prettier than they are, it should be me! They say.

They see all that you have and they think they deserve it more than you and they hate you for it. What they fail to understand is that light, that goodness can not be bought, that comes from within, you know you are not lucky, no, you know you are blessed. You know this journey is not about you and what you can get, its about others and how you can be a blessing to others with the gifts God gave you.

You look for the good in people, even when others see none, you find a good heart. You give of yourself to help people, this is your purpose. You never compare yourself with others as you know that behind every smile is a heartbreaking story and truth be told if you heard their story, you would be happy for the life you have. You know that good will always triumph over evil, that in the end your good deeds will pay off when their hatred will eat them up inside.

You know that material things do not make you happy, that true happiness must come from within. And you know that what ever box you are wrapped in, whatever facade you are trying to present to the world, that if you have hatred, jealousy and envy in your soul, that is what eventually shines through, just as your goodness shines through, their evil heart will be revealed.

So today my friends do not worry about haters because haters make you better, haters make you stronger, they might tear you down for a second, but you will prevail in the end, you are the chosen one, you will overcome.
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I am not Christian, I am human

Treadmill Treats Monday message

I am not Christian… I am human

Recently a few people said something to me that really got to me, they said “that wasn’t very Christian of you ” about some things I did and said.

Since when did I ever say because I am Christian that I am perfect?
What because I go to church? Please,  If I sit in a garage does that make me a car? 
No, I am human, I am so not perfect. ..hello, do you read my blog? I get mad, I curse, I break all kinds of comandments, please!!
Don’t put me up on a pedestal because I praise my God or speak of his greatness in my blogs,that does not make me holy than thou, that makes me a believer that’s all!

That is the problem with people today especially people who go to church, they feel that they are better than others, that they have to be perfect after all “we ” go to church. No my Bishop says we are all sick and broken and we come to church to be healed. That is why I started going, I was broken and I needed help, Hell I still need help, lots of it!
I will never be perfect even if I went to church 24/7 because I am human first…

So for all of you out there who point the finger at me and say “but your a Christian ….”  Get over it,  I am just a person trying to be the best person I can be, I try to use this gift God gave me, this gift to serve others, to try to help others with my gift of words, I speak of my God and all he has had done for me because I am so grateful and hope others can find this feeling of peace and joy in their lives, I do this because I hope one day to be standing in front of him and for him to say “well done, my child, well done”

So today my friends I will leave you with this…all of Jesus apostles were not “great and holy” most were sinners who were trying to change and still fell short, even Moses was a killer… yet they were still trying their best even though they would never be “perfect Christians ”
So do me a favor don’t point fingers …I am just a human trying my hardest to be “Christ like” that’s all.

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Living well is the best revenge

Hump day Treadmill Treats
Living well is the best revenge

The other day my ex husband texted me and let me have it about our daughter missing school as she slept at my house the night before (it was a testing day and if you didn’t have testing you didn’t have to go obviously he didn’t know that or care )

He proceed to call me a no good piece of s**t, a **hole , a f*****g liar plus other choice words including being a lousy mother.

I told him I no longer have to deal with him verbally abusing me anymore and his words no longer had any effect on my life.
Unfortunately the following day I had to deal with my him face to face because of our daughter.

It was probably the first time since the divorce and I was praying that I held my temper and not smack him like I wanted to for the day before.
( yes, I am  christian but I am far from perfect as this obviously shows)  He came by my new home and looked around while we were talking, taking in all the beautiful work I had done with the place, but never once did he say anything about how it looked.

As I stood there I realized that he truly held no power over me, no I felt nothing except gratefulness that I was divorce from this man. I remember how he would put me down, how when he got mad like now, how that vein pulsed on his bald head, how it was his way or no way, all those memories came back but they didn’t keep me in bondgage it actually felt like it set me free. I was done…I was living this wonderful life that is full of family and friends and I have all of this peace and joy in my heart. I sat here looking at him, with all of this hate, anger and jealously inside of him and I felt sorry for him.

I knew that no matter what kind of karma may be coming down the line for him, living well was the best revenge and I was doing just that…living an incredible amazing life.

So today my friends remember to let go of vendettas, let go of the hate and pain, live your life to the fullest, live an amazing, incredible, fulfilling life….because that my friends is truly the best revenge.

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Joyful people practice gratefulness

Thursday  Treadmill Treats

Joyful people practice gratefulness

I don’t usually watch TV but I love Oprah Super Soul Sunday, she had on a guest Dr.Brene Brown and she had wrote a book on all of her research about gratefulness.It said that the most joyful people practice gratefulness, wow Oprah light bulb moment!

I know this to be true, I have found joy and peace in my life that I have never had before and the one thing about having it is that I am so very grateful, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t give thanks and I don’t give the credit to my God, that at times I am so very grateful it will bring me to tears, it overcomes me, I can’t say it enough times.

Yes, I was in a dark place for many years and even there I looked for something to be grateful for. You need to go through the day looking for things to be grateful for. Be grateful for the small moments, having dinner with your kids, a warm breeze, the sunrise, a kind word from someone, start small if you feel you can’t be grateful for everything.

Gratitude is a practice thing, be grateful for the ordinary moments. Be present in them, enjoy that very second, don’t ask when will the other shoe drop, just feel blessed at that moment.

These are a few of Dr Brown’s quotes from her book about gratitude:
Being a whole hearted person cultivating authenticity:

letting go of what people think. I no longer care what people say, I wore a mask for too many years, I am happy with me, God is happy with me, thats all that matters.

Cultivating self compassion: letting go of perfectionism. I tried for years to be perfect and it literally almost killed me, there is no such thing as perfectionism, your human, you have flaws, its okay.

Cultivating a resilient spirit:letting go of powerlessness. Yes, you will fall down, get back up, its okay I write about my failures each and every day, yet I still keep going with a positive attitude.

Cultivating gratitude and joy: letting go of scarcity and fear This was a big one for me, fear ruled my life, I didn’t like change, I stayed 20 years in a horrible situation because of fear. When you give it over to God, to the universe to who ever you believe in and trust it is then you can find peace and joy in your life.

You can’t find joy when your beating it to the finish lie by saying oh when is the next shoe going to drop? This is too good, something bad will happen. No live in this moment, let go of fear, have faith!

So today my friends, practice gratefulness, start when you wake up, thank you for waking me up, thank you I can walk to the bathroom, thank you I have a home and hot water, start small practice every day and before long you will be grateful for everything you have,every moment in your life. Www.treadmilltreats.wordpress.com
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Liking yourself

Tgif Treadmill Treats

Liking yourself

There are times when you think about quitting, the way you look at it depends if your a winner or a loser.
How do you look at yourself?  Do you like yourself?
Do you think your worthy?
These are important questions to ask yourself, these questions will determine how far your going to get in life.

If you don’t think your ever going to get somewhere in life, guess what?  Your not!
If you don’t think your worthy, then who will? If you think this is all your ever going to achieve then your right, bottom of the barrel for you. You must believe in yourself first and know that you can do anything you set your mind to.

I try to tell my girls that all the time…it doesn’t matter what their dad says about them…this is his issue not theirs. I tell them they should know their own self worth, that they can do anything, that they are smart, beautiful, kind girls who have their whole lives in front of them.
Each and every day I try to reinforce the good in them and hope I am erasing the bad that their dad tries to poison them with.
But no matter how many times I tell them if they don’t believe it, it won’t matter.

You must stop listening to everyone around you and you have to shut up the voices in your own head that tell you, your not smart enough, pretty enough,good enough, you have to every day if need be that you are good enough smart enough that you are perfect in God’s eyes and that you like yourself.

Once you do that no one else opinion will mean anything, you will know your value. Once you know your value no one will ever tell you otherwise and you will demand that respect from others, you won’t put up with lying cheating people,  you won’t hang around negative people, you won’t cheapen your values to please a boss, friends or family members. You will stand your ground with your had held high and know who you are and who’s you are, a child of the most high God.

So today my friends, believe in yourself, like yourself, believe you can do anything. It’s amazing how things will change around you once you change your attitude…it’s all up to you.

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Why does it hurt so much

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

Why does it hurt so much?

Why does it hurt so much? Why can’t my heart know what my mind knows? Why can’t I realize that this will never work?
That we are too different, that the things that broke us up in the first place are the same things that are still there today?

That yes, he is the sweetest, kindness,funniest man I’ve ever known, that it was love at first site since we were thirteen years old, that he’s treated me better than anyone I’ve ever met.That he loves me for me. That my heart soars when I see him or hear his voice. That I can talk to him for hours and never run out of things to say. That when we touch, when he holds me in his arms my world is okay, I am safe, my heart soars and bursts with love for this man. When he kisses me I forget the whole world and I only see the love in his eyes for me.

Yet my heart aches knowing we can’t be together, fearing that I will never find another love that touches me like his…
This love that feels like I known him for not just this lifetime but many lifetimes, that our souls are connected forever…this pain is so deep it sometimes takes my breath away

I know he will never fit into my world and I can no longer go back to his and yet….there is undeniably force when we are together, the room vibrates, when we are looking at each other, there is no mistaking it.
We both feel the love, we both feel the pain of being apart and yet we cannot change it anymore than we can change who we are and we know it, that fact breaks our hearts each and every time but we keep coming back like a moth to a flame because the heart wants what the heart wants even if the brain is telling it other wise.

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Time changes things

Tgif Treadmill Treats

Time changes things

A year ago today, my world fell apart yet again, I was dating a man who I thought loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. I was just coming out of a horrible marriage and was longing to hear those words I had so very much missed for the last 24 years. I was vulnerable and believe everything he was feeding me even when my intuition was screaming something wasn’t right, I continued because my life was so barren from emotion.

I bought into it hook, line and sinker and the day I found out he was nothing more than a sociopathic liar, I kicked him to the curb, literally with no second chances. I called him out today, for everyone to see. No man was ever going to get over on me more than once. I was done and I was truly hurt as I trusted yet again, after all the pain I endure during my marriage and that he knew all what I went through, he still chose me to hurt this way.

It was more than I could bear, I shut down emotionally and went into my writing, I didn’t let another man get close to me.
I instead got closer to God, I prayed and I cried and I let time heal me.
As time went on I realized the lessons he had taught me from this pain, that I could make it on my own without a man, that I taught my girls never to put up with a lying, cheating man, that I should always listen to my intuition, always.
This also taught me that even when your hurt, you should still open up and reach out to others that are also hurting as I did to his ex wife, even though everyone thought I was crazy to do so.
I knew we were both victims of his sick mind and that she was a good women that needed a friend so so I offered my friendship to her.

Now here it is a year later and yet again my world has changed 360, I  have my God who gets me through anything, I have an incredible family and wonderful friends, I have a business I love, a new home I never imagined getting, I finished my book and am publishing it next month, I am happy and peaceful and I found a great new friend.

I am truly grateful for the pain he caused me because I would have never found myself and these lessons without it.

So today my friends, no matter how dark it might be don’t give up hope, hold on, look for the lessons that the pain is teaching you and know that when you look back a year later what a difference it can make.

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First love

Thursday Treadmill Treats

First loves…

I write about all kinds of things but all of it comes from my heart and what I am passionate about.
This topic touches my heart more than any other I have written about because I am such a romantic at heart.

I believe in happily ever after, in Cinderella and prince charming, in flowers, cards, slow dancing and soul mates…yes I am Tinker bell, I believe. …
And I definitely believe in first loves and how they hold a place in your heart forever. How do I know this? Because my first love was my high school sweetheart and it was the most real love I have ever found in my life.

It shaped my life so much I wrote a book about it, it’s been a lasting love story through out my life. He taught me to love, to believe in love at first site, he taught me to try new things, to open up my mind and my heart. He taught me that I could do anything, and that with love you  could over come any obstacle. He was sweet, kind, caring, romantic and loved me like no one has ever done before or since.

But I wanted more…I wanted the good life, money and traveling and a bigger lifestyle than I had growing up. This small town and this country boy didn’t fit into my grand scheme of things and so I left looking for a better life.
Somehow I thought I could see the world and still come back to this man who held my heart.
But life is strange and doesn’t always work the way you want it to and to my dismay he had moved on.
There was never a day I didn’t think of him, of us, no matter how many men I had in and out of my life he always held my heart.

He came back into my life years later while I was in the mist of my horrible marriage and he said he didn’t know me anymore, that I would never give my power away like I had done in this marriage. Who was I ? Who did I become?  That statement changed my life forever, his words and his belief in me gave me the courage to take a stand and take back my self worth.

I began looking for my old self and realized I liked me, the real me, not the me my ex wanted me to be. We still kept in touch and even now still he holds a piece of my heart.
I am grateful for his love and support and for being a part of my life.
Yes, I believe that one day I will find a true love like this again….because no matter what I am a true romantic at heart.

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When you need to chill

Hump day Treadmill Treats

When you need to chill

If you follow my blog you know I have been in the middle of moving and remodeling a new home. This has not been a easy month for me as I have done a lot of physical labor and mental worry about all the decisions and details.

I truly don’t remember working harder except for a time years ago when I bought a new home and was basically doing the same thing but had to pack not one home but two as my parents were moving down here with me. There were days I thought I would drop of exhaustion and when I finally finished I did just that…I was knocked out, my body gave out and I ended up in bed for a week sicker than I ever remember being.

This time I knew when my breaking point was and knew I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice and so when a friend invite me to come to New York for a long weekend I jumped on it.
My only condition was to do nothing, absolutely nothing and with that in agreement, I went to upstate New York, my hometown.

We stayed in the mountains, I put my phone on voice mail and I was in chill mode for the next four days.
When I tell you nothing I mean nothing, I laid around in yoga pants and tops, I slept in late, I gave up all conrol, I was severed breakfast and coffee in bed, I didn’t make any decisions not even about food, I left it all up to my friend.
I had hot bubble bath jucuzzi baths drawn for me, home cooked meals, we watched movies, listened to music, we laughed, we caught up, we laughed some more, took afternoon naps… there was no schedule, no clocks, no sense of time…it was incredible.
Sometimes you just need to unplug, to run away from the world, to recharge your batteries so that you can come back refreshed and ready for your next chapter of your life.

I know I am ready..to come back, to publish my book, to start this next chapter of my amazing life. I have learned to work hard and play hard and I have learned that sometimes you need to stop and do nothing and that’s okay too.

So today my friends let loose, let go of control and of guilt of doing nothing, it’s okay…sometimes it’s just what the doctor ordered.

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