I forgive you my best friend, My wifey

Hump day Treadmill Treats

 

I fogive you, my best friend, My wifey.

 

I write from my heart, I am a passionate person, I am passionate about my writing, I am passionate about my relationships and I am passionate about my friends.

 

So when I am hurt, it cuts me deep and I cant help but to express my feelings through my words, it is what I do, it is who I am.

 

When my best friend did me wrong this summer I was devastated. We did everything together, we were best friends, we jokingly called each other wifey as we were both single and we figured we’d never find the right guys.

 

So when I tell you this hurt me more than a man could ever hurt me, it did.

I am a friend till the end, I am a ride or die friend.

I will do anything for my friends, to me my friends are the family I choose for myself. So when I am betrayed by someone, especially a best friend, it was more then I could handle.

 

So I wrote about it, I was angry, I was hurt, I wanted to hurt her back, is it Christian? No…it was human and I am human.

 

My words were filled with hatred, my blog spilled over with bitterness and yet I couldn’t stop myself.

I couldn’t get over the fact that she could do this to me and so I wrote as if I was talking to her.

 

I look back now and realize that, that was not me talking, that was the pain and anger speaking for me.

It was something that over came my good sense (not that I have that much to begin with)

 

As time went on I realized that I had to forgive her, that it was for me and not for her, as the pain was eating me up alive. I had to let it go and the only way to do this was to forgive her.

 

But before I could do it I needed to go through the steps of grieving, as I was grieving the loss of a best friend, I needed to go through the five stages first.They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

 

Yes, I went through denial, this wasn’t as it seeemed it was, it was a mistake, she could never do this to me.

 

I went through anger,

oh that was a long one for me to get through, really long… read my blogs from then, there was lots of anger, I was really pissed!

 

I went though bargaining,

I said to God maybe if she admitted she was wrong, if she gave me back my money, if..if…if

 

I went through depression, I lost my best friend, I lost my money, I had no air conditioning, how could I  be so stupid? Why did this happen? Haven’t I had enough hurt in my life?

 

Until I came to acceptance, this is what it is, I no longer have her as a best friend, I am never getting my money back, I know she is messed up and it was the drugs that made her do this. That it wasn’t just me she hurt, there were others, her family, her children, all of us were hurt by her actions.

 

I realized that my friend wouldn’t have done this, this was someone else who needed help and needed prayers and so thats what I  started doing, I forgave her and I started praying for her.

 

I know it’s hard for alot of you to grasp this but I had to do this to move on, to let go of the bitterness and anger I felt. I didn’t come this far on my journey to have anger poison my thoughts, to have bitterness take away my peace. No, I needed to figure out the lesson I needed to learn and move on.

 

The lesson was not everyone is here for the whole ride, it was sometimes God closes doors for a reason, it was never give what you cant afford to lose. These were the lessons I’ve learned and I am grateful for them even though they hurt like hell.

 

I miss her, I look at photos and she’s in them all, I pick up the phone to tell her something and realize we dont have our daily morning talks any longer, I see things on Facebook and want to tag her and laugh but she is no longer there and it hurts my soul.

 

But I know this is where the both of us need to be now in our lives and I pray she is okay and want her to know I forgive her…

 

So today my friends, let the bitterness go, let go of the anger, forgive and learn the lesson. Pray for the person and know that everything happens for a reason.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_6_twi_pap_2?qid=1452884833&sr=8-6&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Your words no longer hurt me


TuesdayTreadmill Treats

 

Your words no longer hurt me

 

A friend of mine is in the final stages of his divorce and recently as we have been talking about it, he was telling me all that she said to him.

 

That he was a lousy huband and father, that the marriage sucked, that he never made her happy, that he was selfish and not caring. That his beliefs in karma were stupid and because he had said he was happy, that actually meant he wasnt.

 

He said he didnt cheat, he was home every night, he spent all his free time with the family, he did whatever she wanted, he was a great provider, he didn’t lie, steal or gamble so what was so wrong with him, he asked.

 

For a moment I was brought back to a horrible place, my marriage, where everyday I had to listen to my ex tell me these same things. Horrible, cruel, mean things meant to hurt me. I remembered a point where I actually believed all the things he said about me and I constantly felt like shit about myself.

 

Putting someone down, by saying such cruel things, to go out of your way to actually want to hurt someone is a sickness, its not normal.

 

It wasn’t until one day when I started to love myself again, until I looked around and saw how many people loved me and believed I was a good person, it was then I realized that no, there was nothing wrong with me, there was something wrong with him, this was his issue not mine.

 

And when I started to grow and learn about what was my part in this marriage and what was his, I came across this article from Harvard University about this disorder called Narristic behavior, the article states and I quote.

 

“If you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may feel a sense of entitlement — and when you don’t receive special treatment, you may become impatient or angry. You may insist on having “the best” of everything — for instance, the best car, athletic club or medical care.

 

At the same time, you have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation. To feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make yourself appear superior. Or you may feel depressed and moody because you fall short of perfection”

 

Wow…that was my ex to a tee…so there wasn’t anything wrong with me? After all these years of him telling me and I thinking and believing it was true, here it is in black and white from the top two schools in the world, Harvard University and Yale University. They had both put out these studies and it explained why he treated me the way he did, it wasnt me….no, this was definitely his problem.

 

I explained this to my friend, sometimes you can give it your all, you can do all that you can to try to make the other person happy but if they are not happy with themselves or they have unresolved issues that they are not willing to admit, they will never be happy, with you or the next one or the next one…because its about them.

 

Its not your job to make someone happy, to be their all, to “complete them”

they must do it themselves, they must put in the work to try to change, olny then can you have a healthy relationship with them.

 

All you need to do is own your part in the marriage and forgive her of hers, then let it go and be happy.

These are her issues either she deals with them or she’ll bring them on to the next relationship either way not your circus, not your monkey anymore.

 

So today my friends, remember you cannot heal everyone, you cannot make everyone happy, you only need to be happy within yourself. Dont let their words effect you, it’s not about you… just say “Your words no longer have any effect on me”

Walk away and have a good life.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_6_twi_pap_2?qid=1452884833&sr=8-6&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Having people pray for you

Treadmill Treats Monday Message

 

Having people pray for you

 

Being Christian for me doesn’t mean that I’m perfect, it doesn’t mean I do everything as it says I should, it doesn’t mean I am better than someone   else who doesn’t believe.

 

See I fought against this for the longest time, I didn’t want to be Christian.

I thought I had it going on, yes, me and God had a deal, I didn’t need a middleman, I didn’t need to go to a church and I surly didn’t need to be around a bunch of Holy Rollers who look down at me and thought they were better than me because they were “perfect”

 

I didn’t think that church could help me, I was fine, I was spiritual, I believed in God but somehow God knows what you need and then he puts those people into your life to show you the way.

 

I have the most amazing friends and they just happened to all be Christians. They would talk to me all the time about God and church, even my friends at work, during lunch but I would say yeah, yeah, yeah but yet they still kept talking to me.

 

They knew that God had them on this path to help me even though I didn’t know it. My life at that point was so bad that I would cry myself to sleep every night in the bathtub after drinking and taking sleeping pills to try to erase the pain I was feeling but in my mind, I was good, I didn’t need any help, I had this.

 

Yet these woman day after day keep praying for me, they kept putting stuff in my spirit about God, they never gave up on me. My one friend Joanie would tell me all the time “Your more Christian than most of my Christian friends, you do things from your heart…Gods just waiting on you” I would always smile and say “Thanks but I’m good with him”

 

The day when the bottom dropped out was when I lost my mom and my world fell apart and I had hit rock bottom. My marriage was a scam, I was misrable, my world was spinning out of control and I couldn’t go on with this facade one day longer.

 

It was that day that I laid on the floor and I cried out to God because I so needed his help, I couldn’t do this anymore by myself, it was then he opened up yet another door for me.

 

He brought a co worker into my life who brought me to her church and as they say the rest is history. I dont go to church because I am perfect, I go because I was broken and needed fixing, I keep going now because I  am so grateful that he has put this peace and joy in my life.

 

I’m still not perfect and I can tell you I will never be perfect. I curse, I break all kinds of comandments, I am just trying to be better each day, sometimes I reach that goal, most times I fall short but here’s the thing about God, he keeps forgiving you, he covers you with his grace and mercy so you can keep trying to be the best person you can be.

 

Look at all of Jesus apostles they were the bottom of the barrel, thiefs, liars, murders yet he believed they could change. We all can change, dont worry about those fake church people who think they are “whollier” then you, its not about them, its about you….you and God and a place you can find his word with others who are also broken and are looking to be healed.

Dont let them or anything else hold you back from finding your peace.

Because I am living proof that your life can change 360 degrees if you let go and let God.

 

Believe me there are people out there praying for you as well, they know the greatness God has put into you even if you cant see it for yourself.

 

We all need some help, we all need some prayers, we all need to know that anything is possible if you believe.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_6_twi_pap_2?qid=1452884833&sr=8-6&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Part 4 Our trip to Asheville North Carolina, Living in the moment always

Tgif Treadmill Treats

 

Part 4 Our trip to Asheville North Carolina, Living in the moment always

 

By day 4 we can hardly walk and I felt like I went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson but no there is no rest for the weary or the beat up.

 

So on Easter Sunday, after my private moment with  God, we went zip lining broken rib and all.

This was so excting as my friend had this on his bucket list and I was so glad I could be part of this.

I know how it feels to accomplish something that has been on your bucket list, as I recently walked on fire, which was on mine since 2008. Its an amazing feeling and I was happy for him to be able to cross this off of his list.

 

We conquered 17 zip lines high in the mountains,  through the trees and over fields (to grandmother’s house we go…oh wait wrong story)

It was an amazing day for all of us and even though I am afraid of heights (Yes, I have jumped out of a plane and hot air ballooned but I am still afraid, its just about doing it and overcoming your fears)

 

We had to cross a few rickety bridges and climb up on some pretty high platforms but I did it all with a sense of accomplishment.

 

Afterwards we came back and cooked dinner together, we sat around the table talking about our amazing time here, later on by the fire pit we were all in relaxed mode, thinking about how blessed we truly were.

 

For the last and finally day…we relaxed…NOT!

Are you kidding? Not my family… no, we still had another State Park to conquer. So we hiked up to the top of Chimney Rock,

I cant tell you how many frigging steps there were to get up to the top. I lost count around 300 as I was more worried about my shaky leg syndrome that was going on. You know that uncontrollably shake of your legs that makes you feel like gumby but hey I am no quitter and I am here to tell you the view from the top was spectacular and worth all the shaky legs feeling.

 

We learned alot on this vacation, this trip brought us together, we cooked together, we laughed together, we helped each other, we became one with nature and we even got to do things we never thought we could, we pushed past the fear, the pain and we dug deep inside to find out what we were truly made of.

 

We were full of gratitude, for this gift of this home, for being able to be healthy enough to do this, for someone that would drive 11 hours to spend time with me, for God and all of his magnificent beauty and for the fact that we were all together, enjoying each others company and especially for being present and living in the moment….always.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_6_twi_pap_2?qid=1452884833&sr=8-6&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Part 3 Our trip to Asheville North Carolina, Living in the moment always

Thursday Treadmill Treats

 

Part 3 Our trip to Asheville North Carolina, Living in the moment always

 

After the first 12 mile hike from hell you would think we had enough. That night when we came home, we all had blisters, our legs were screaming, we were dead tired and I felt like I just did a triathlon but we’re no quitters… no there were more state parks to tackle.

 

So this time we went to a underground cavern called Linville Cavern which was cool and at least we didnt have to much hiking to do.

I am thinking this is okay… I can do this, even though my legs are still on fire, even after a massage the night before.

 

But noooo….the kids say we have to see the waterfall in the park next door….come on its only a short hike…so off we go.

 

Oh sure short at this point is 3 steps to me but they say…its only 1.6 miles in and then the next one is only .09 miles in and wait we have to go to the bottom of the waterfall and that’s ONLY 2 miles in. Yes in but what about out? No one is thinking its the same amount out….Hello! That means double!

 

I am about to cry, there is not a part of my body that doesn’t hurt, my hiking boots are now giving me blisters on top of my blisters, my ass joined in at this point and was also complaining but they left the best for last…oh lucky me!

 

This ONLY 2 mile hike in was over the worst terrain I had seen, big bolders, tree’s that you had to climb over, deep inclines, down rickety old steps.

 

Luckily my friend waited and helped me through because I was dead at this point and couldn’t care less about seeing this dam waterfall but my girls chimmed in “You got this mom!” So how could I quit…. my head was thinking I got this, my body on the other hand was saying “Bitch, turn around this aint happening!”

 

I really wanted to listen to my body but yet again I suffered through to see a waterfall which my oldest boyfriend was amazed by (He’s from Miami) and my girls seemed to love so it made it all worth it to me.

 

On the way out as my friend was helping over a bolder, he grabbed my waist and somehow slipped and his hand slammed into my ribs and I hear a crack, oh shit, I am truly falling apart I think.

 

Of course getting out is worst than coming in as its now all uphill, if I thought I couldn’t breathe before ha this was even worst. But “Mom you got this” kept ringing in my head so on I went.

 

My cheerleaders left me in the dust at this point and I actually felt sorry for my friend because it was if he was helping a ninty year old women. Being in shape all of my life this really sucked for me. Maybe this wasnt such a great idea after just being sick…oh well too late!

 

I made it to the top breathing like I needed an oxygen tank, half crippled and bruised up but hell I did it!

We all celebrated by finding the best bbq in Asheville and then pasting out in front of the fireplace that night.

 

The lesson here my friends is that even when you dont think you have it in you, dig deeper, its in there, you can do it and when you finally finish the feeling is amazing knowing you can do anything you set your mind to!

Broken, bruised and beat up…you can do it….you got this!

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_6_twi_pap_2?qid=1452884833&sr=8-6&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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