Tuesday Treadmill Treats
Trying to be the best mom I can be….
Yesterday I wrote about my incredible mom and how she was such an inspiration to me.
So when I had my own girls I prayed I could be half the mom, my mom was. But I wanted a different relationship with them.
I was born in a different generation, one in which we talked about our feelings, we shared our secrets, hell we even put it all out there on Oprah, Dr. Phil and Maury, for the world to see.
Hello…I write this blog day after day and I bear my soul to thousands of people, I put it all out there, no secrets, no lies, bam..there it is like it or not.
My mom and people in her generation never talked about things, “Shh…dont let the neighbors know”
Hell, when my mom got cancer I couldn’t talk or even tell anyone about it, she told people she went on vacation to take of of a sick aunt. What the hell was that?
When I was raped and have to endure a horrific abortion she said its done and over, we shall never speak of it again, like that would make it disappear, like I could forget all that happened.
Their generation didn’t whine or cry, they pulled themselves up by their boot straps, shoved everything down deep inside and pretended it was all good.
My favorite quote of all times is Maya Angelo “When you know better, you do better”
She was doing what she knew…I can’t fault her for that but I wanted more, I needed more.
Yes, she was my best friend but I couldn’t talk to her about deep things, my love life, my crumbling marriage, my pain.
We talked about superficial things, the weather, the kids, neighbors, the world in gerneral but not the deep things I needed to speak of and so I started to write, there in my secret world, I could say all the things I wanted to, I needed to…
Now that I have my own children I wanted them to know they could talk to me about anything and everything, that not nothing was off limits, nothing! Sex, drugs, friends, their deepest darkest fears, I constantly told them to speak of the things that was bothering them, to never hold it in.
This weekend while we were at the beach my daughter said “My mom was always taking strays in and helping them by talking to them, she was always there to listen and give inspiring advice to them”
My “adoptive” daughter was there and said “I was one of the strays and she was the best mom ever”
All of this made me cry because I am glad that they feel that close to me, to talk to me.
I am glad I am showing them that yes, my mother taught me to open my home and my heart to people but I’ve learned to also be able to allow them to feel free to talk and be listened to.
This is who I am, this is my purpose, to let my girls, other girls, women, men, people, know that someone hears them, that it’s okay to fall down, that it’s okay to share your feelings, to encourage others by speaking your truth for them to see.
See when you know better, you do better…and I am just trying to be the best mom I can be.
“Be the change you want to see”
“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”
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