Prince’s family coming out of the woodwork

 

 

Hump day Treadmill Treats 

 

Prince’s family coming out of the woodwork…

 

I don’t make it a habit of watching the news as it is a depressing hour of horrible things going on in the news, never anything good or positive.

 

I listen to the radio, any earth breaking news I need to hear I will hear it in that 4 minute slot of news they bring you.

 

The other day I heard that Prince died without a will and that his “suppose” family came crawling out of the woodwork to see if they can get some of his fortune.

 

First I am shocked that a man like him, smart, rich, with a boat load of people that he employees why would he not have a will?

Didn’t his attorney say hey maybe you should draw up a will? Didn’t his account,  manager, dear friends or a family member say maybe that is a good idea?

 

What was he thinking? He had to know if he died what a circus it would turn into, that people that shouldn’t get money might and the people he might want to be taken care might not.

 

I’ve always had one, who do you want your children to be raised by? Who is going to look over the money you leave? What are my wishes? I wasn’t leaving any of this to chance and I changed it again when I got divorced as I wanted to be sure my girls got what they were entitled to.

 

I went through that once and I never want to go through that again and I sure as hell didn’t want my girls to go through that.

 

When my dad died he supposedly wrote a new will, my step mom got everything and I got nothing but that wasn’t enough, the cars he left to me, she sold before the reading of the will and my mother had to take her to court for the money.

In the limo heading to the funeral home, they were talking about how they were going to spend his money and he wasn’t even in the ground yet!

 

I was 15 and I was the light of his life, he would have never left me with nothing…he even made sure years before he had a mortgage policy on my mom’s house without her knowing, that paid off the house in the event he died.

He wanted to make sure we were both taken care of.

 

But money changes everyone and the ugly comes out, to me it wasn’t about the money as I gave my mom most of it, as she was struggling and she could really use it, by the way this was 5 years later when I actually got the money.

 

My point is its not about the money its about what the money does to people.

It makes people who didn’t care about you suddenly say they are kin, it makes people think they are entitled because they share the same name, it destroys families. Hello! Didn’t he see what the Jacksons went through? What was he thinking? 

 

Maybe he had an old maid that was there for him for years when his family wasn’t or an assistant that loved him more that blood and they get nothing would that be fair? Yet the blood sucking family that never called or came by, only for money, will be getting it all.

 

We all think we will live forever, we don’t want to think about our mortality but it’s going to happen like it or not so we might as well be prepared so our wishes will be carried out.

 

So today my friends, take care of your business, get a power of attorney, get a living will, fill out a organ donor card and make a will.

These things are easy to get online all you need to do is fill them out and have them notarized thats it, you don’t even need a attorney or fancy paperwork.

 

Spell out your wishes, your kids, your ailing health if it comes down to that, all of it.

Don’t let it become the circus Prince’s death is becoming, be prepared, be responsible.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

  

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise 

Selling on tmy website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com 

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Trying to be the best mom I can be….

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

 

Trying to be the best mom I can be….

 

Yesterday I wrote about my incredible mom and how she was such an inspiration to me.

 

So when I had my own girls I prayed I could be half the mom, my mom was. But I wanted a different relationship with them.

 

I was born in a different generation, one in which we talked about our feelings, we shared our secrets, hell we even put it all out there on Oprah, Dr. Phil and Maury, for the world to see.

 

Hello…I write this blog day after day and I bear my soul to thousands of people, I put it all out there, no secrets, no lies, bam..there it is like it or not.

 

My mom and people in her generation never talked about things, “Shh…dont let the neighbors know”

Hell, when my mom got cancer I couldn’t talk or even tell anyone about it, she told people she went on vacation to take of of a sick aunt. What the hell was that?

 

When I was raped and have to endure a horrific abortion she said its done and over, we shall never speak of it again, like that would make it disappear, like I could forget all that happened.

 

Their generation didn’t whine or cry, they pulled themselves up by their boot straps, shoved everything down deep inside and pretended it was all good.

 

My favorite quote of all times is Maya Angelo “When you know better, you do better”

 

She was doing what she knew…I can’t fault her for that but I wanted more, I  needed more.

Yes, she was my best friend but I couldn’t talk to her about deep things, my love life, my crumbling marriage, my pain.

We talked about superficial things, the weather, the kids, neighbors, the world in gerneral but not the deep things I needed to speak of and so I started to write, there in my secret world, I could say all the things I wanted to, I needed to…

 

Now that I have my own children I wanted them to know they could talk to me about anything and everything, that not nothing was off limits, nothing! Sex, drugs, friends, their deepest darkest fears, I constantly told them to speak of the things that was bothering them, to never hold it in.

 

This weekend while we were at the beach my daughter said “My mom was always taking strays in and helping them by talking to them, she was always there to listen and give inspiring advice to them”

 

My “adoptive” daughter was there and said “I was one of the strays and she was the best mom ever”

All of this made me cry because I am glad that they feel that close to me, to talk to me.

 

I am glad I am showing them that yes, my mother taught me to open my home and my heart to people but I’ve learned to also be able to allow them to feel free to talk and be listened to.

 

This is who I am, this is my purpose, to let my girls, other girls, women, men, people, know that someone hears them, that it’s okay to fall down, that it’s okay to share your feelings, to encourage others by speaking your truth for them to see.

 

See when you know better, you do better…and I  am just trying to be the best mom I can be.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on tmy website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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How I miss my mom

Treadmill Treats Monday Message

 

How I miss my mom

 

As I sit out in my beautiful back yard, my thoughts are on my mom.

I am saddened that yet another mother’s day is here and I don’t have my mom to call, to send flowers to, to tell her that I love her.

 

My mom was my best friend, we spoke every day sometimes twice a day. When she finally moved here so that I could help her take care of my ailing dad, I was beyond thrilled, it was  never a burden for me.

 

She was my role model, my inspiration, my heart.

I learned so much from her… to give without expecting anything in return, to be a true friend, to reach out and help strangers, to open her heart and her home to people who had no one. She taught to work hard and take pride in the fact that a women can do anything a man can do, if she sets her mind to it.

 

She showed me family  meant everything, that she made sure I had everything I needed even if it meant she had one dress for years and years.

She made sure we had dinner every night together, to sit down as a family so we could talk about our day.

 

She showed me its not the quantity of time you spend with a person but the quality of time. She worked 6 nights a week serving drunks at the local diner from 11 at night to 7 in the morning to provide, yet on her one day off she made sure it was spent with me.

 

She taught me compassion as I watched her take care of my grandmother and my father while they were sick and until they passed.

 

She was an amazing mom but a more amazing human being and I am so grateful to have had her as my mom.

 

There are so many times I pick up the phone to tell her something or even still say

“I’ll ask mom” and then it hits me she’s not here anymore to do that and again my heart breaks.

 

So today my friends, pick up the phone, send flowers for no reason, send a card, an email or text message telling her that you love her, tell her how much you appreciated her and what she did for you. Mend broken fences because life is short and you just never know…when it will be too late and I can rememeber my moms voice as she use to say all the time “Don’t bring flowers to my grave, because I can’t smell them there” God…I miss you mom….

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on tmy website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Can we let this go please?

Tgif Treadmill Treats

 

Can we let this go please?

 

The other day my youngest told me a story about her best friend, her parents have been divorced as well.

 

The mother remarried and recently her ex husband’s uncle passed away, when she asked her daughter if her dad was going to New York to the funeral, she said she didn’t think so. The mother knew it had to be because of financial reasons as this was his favorite uncle so the ex wife went and bought him a ticket to go and then her new husband took him to the airport .

 

I sat there listening and finally said “Wow that is so wonderful, I wish I had that kind of relationship with your dad” my little one looked at me with sadness in her eyes and said “Yeah me too”

 

Now this couple didn’t go through a happy divorce, things happened, hurtful things, as I know them and the story personally.

 

But they have chosen to put things in the past, move on and become friends for the sake of their children.

 

Yes, I always talk about my marriage and how it was a verbally abusive one and how happy I am to be free,  but in order to be happy and free I had to forgive, let go of the hurt, anger and the resentment and move on.

 

There has been enough time, I know who I am, I am a strong, confident, independent women now. His words no longer have any effect on me, I realized these were his issues not mine, my issue was allowing him to treat me that way.

 

But time heals all wounds as they say and in this time of our lives there are going to be a lot of events that we will have to be attending together, graduation, going off to college, later on marriages and grandchildren (Hopefully much, much later)

 

But we will have to interact with each other and I want to do this for my girls. I don’t want them to feel they are caught in the middle, they they have to chose sides. I want them to see their parents get past this hopefully as friends, like my little one, best friend parents.

 

Yesterday they told me my mother in law was having a retirement party, its a eighties theme party. I love my in laws, they have been in my life for 24 years, they have been nothing but great to me and my girls, truly I miss them and the times we spent together.

 

We had dinner with them every week, we went on vacations together, they never missed an event for the girls…I miss all of that and I told my girls that I would love to go to that party, that maybe it could be a dry run for my little ones graduation.

 

I don’t think I will be getting an invitation to it but hey I put it out there.

He wouldn’t have to sit near me, he wouldn’t have to talk to me, I would be on my best behavior and would never cause a scene, even if he tried because I am trying to make this work for the sake of my girls.

 

I was lucky to have such great role models, my mom and dad who were friends to the end, who even though he cheated on my mom, she forgave and moved on to be friends for my sake, they both remarried but they still did things with me as a family.

They loved me that much, to be able to do what was best for me.

 

I want my girls to know that feeling, to know they are the most important thing and no matter how hard it is we will do it for their sakes.

 

I am friends with all my ex’s (Okay, not Mr. Con Artist, who by the way, now comes up automatically on my spell check! That kind of nonsense I have no time for in my life, as I tell you all the time to cut out the negative, life sucking people out of your life)

 

Where was I? Oh yeah, I am friends with all my ex’s, look you fell in love with them for a reason, there had to be some good right? So it didn’t work out, okay… let it go, move on, be friends.

 

So today my friends, I will be praying that we can get passed this, that maybe someone out there reading this will say, hey I want to do this for my kids as well.

That we as parents will put our children’s needs first and not make them have to chose, a choice they should never have to make.

 

Lets try to show them to love one another even if its uncomfortable or it may still hurt because its not about you, its about them.

Can we just let this go, please?

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on tmy website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Can men and women just be friends?

Hump day Treadmill Treats

 

Can men and women just be friends?

 

Yesterday I wrote about why I am so competitive, it was because I grew up with boys, I always had guy friends.

 

People have a preconceived notion about men and women being friends, that it can not be, even way, way back when I was in high school  (Hey no comments from the peanut gallery about how far back that was!)

 

People assumed I was sleeping with all of my guy friends, when that was the farthest from the truth.

I had not even kissed them not even while playing spin the bottle  (Okay I know I  am digging deep here, for those of you too young, Google that one too)

 

These guys were like my brothers, I never felt anything for them, just what you would feel towards your annoying little brother.

 

As I got older and people’s minds got narrower (if that is even possible) People definitely believed I had to be sleeping with them, how could it be possible to have a male friend and not have any sexual things going on? No, that can’t be.

 

Again I have always been more comfortable with guys, for me it was natural. I had one girlfriend throughout the years and my cousin who didn’t count cause she was like my little sister and at least 10 guy friends.

 

When I got married, my ex was very insecure and made me pick between him and my guy friends, being young and dumb and in love, I picked him and mourned my friendships for years, it was as if I cut out my own family.

Towards the end of the marriage I started to reconnect with these friends again and luckily for me, they forgave me.

 

I have been friends with some of them since I was 6 years old, my very best friend I met when I was 12 and we are still best friends till this day, we visit as often as we can and call each other a few times a week. Another one, that I’ve been friends with since we were 12, took off a week to fly down here and help me fix my new house working 6 days straight to help me out.These are true friends.

 

I can call on them day or night, we are always there for each other, I can count on them and there is never any drama, imagine that?

 

I even joke about my church husband, who’s been there for me through some of my worst times, and yes, I’ve called him at 3 am crying my eyes out. I love him dearly and that yes, all of church thinks we are a real couple (Yes, even church people can’t handle men and women being friends)

 

But of all the lessons I’ve learned, one of the biggest is that if you are lucky enough to have friends that truly have your back, you are blessed and no matter what anyone says, it doesn’t matter, what they believe.

 

So today my friends remember do what feels right to you, don’t worry about what others will say, this is your life, you get to choose how to live it and who you want to share it with.

So the answer to the question, can men and women just be friends?

They can be anything you choose it to be…just be happy with yourself and your choices.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Am I too Competitive?

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

Am I too Competitive?

I was talking with a friend the other night and he said “You know your very competitive, you must make alot of men feel bad”

I was truly taken back by his words, yes I am competitive but I never want anyone to feel bad. I never really thought about it before and so I started to  reflect on my life and how I  am the way I am.

I grew up an only child, I also grew up poor which meant I was free labor to my parents who owned a broken down farm house that they were forever trying to fix up.

I can remembered at 7 helping my parents rip down one of the old buildings on our property. My dad never looked at me as “a girl” so he taught me how to put up drywall, install toilets, fix and soder pipes, there was nothing he didnt think I could do.

My mother worked beside him, she could do anything a man could do and wasn’t afraid of hard work, so from these two, I learned to never think I couldn’t do anything I set my mind to.

Then there was my friends I grew up with on my block, they were only boys. My first friends were Gino and Shawn, we were the Mod Squad (those of you who are too young, google it)

Yes, Shawn was black, Gino had black curly hair and was cute and I, well… I didnt quite look like the Julie part but at 7, I was white and a girl, well close enough.

They never cut me any slack for being a girl, either I kept up or I was left behind. They expected me to climb trees, to play soccer, to build forts, to do all the normal boy things.

I was not ever going to show them I couldn’t do it…Hello, Julie from the Mod Squad kept up so I was going to keep up, even if it killed me!

Through the years, I always felt more comfortable with guy friends and so I never really had many girlfriends. That caused alot of anguish for me growing up because everyone called me a slut because I hung around with the guys.

Truth be told I was a virgin until I was 18 and was with my high school sweetheart for 6 years before that even happened, but kids are mean and cruel sometimes.

Years later I remember my girls coming to me asking me how I delt with drama in school. What drama I asked? Boys didnt have drama, they have a fight duke it out and their friends again, no drama!

I never realized that surrounding myself with men all my life would make me feel like one in so many ways. I can fix almost anything in my house, I am super competitive when it comes to sports or games, I dislike drama and I am tough but I am most definitely a women who has a soft and caring heart. A women who has your back and isn’t afraid to work with you, beside you, a women who is a ride or die girl for you.

Yet as we get older men have more ego’s to protect and they don’t want a women showing them up. They don’t want an equal they want a women to be

“a women” whatever the hell that means.

I remember being on a date on night and we were playing pool. I won the first two games and yes maybe I did the happy dance  (Hello did you read the title of the blog?)

By the third game he was really pissy about the fact that I was winning so I  threw the last game and he said “You let me win” I told him no because I didnt want to bruise his ego. But it was really hard for me not to give it my all, to be competitive, to want to keep up and win, this is who I am.

So I will think about how to do this from now on, being myself but thinking more like an adult and not a 7 year old trying not to be left behind. I will take others feelings into consideration before I say or do a happy dance.

So today my friends, when someone tells you something about yourself, don’t take offense, stop and think about their words, think about why you do the things you do and think maybe there might be some truth in them…we can all learn to change for the better if we have an open mind and a open heart.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on tmy website:

Www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Who I look up to, my Bishop

Treadmill Treats Monday Message

 

Who I look up to, my Bishop

 

Yesterday was my Bishop, Henry Fernandez birthday. And we as a church celebrated his birthday. We were all asked to send him a note of thanks for being our pastor. Well you all know I cant just write a note, so instead I wrote this blog.

 

If you dont know my story,

I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years, I had gotten sick, then I suddenly lost my mom, my world crumbled. I was lost and broken, I didn’t want to go on, I even tried to take my own life. When I say I had hit rock bottom, this was it as low as I could get.

 

When I realized I couldn’t do this on my own, I lay on the floor, crying out for God’s help and they say, ask and you shall receive because two days later as I was walking into work listening to Jonathan Nelson my co worker informed me that he was her praise leader and did I want to see him live.

 

Yes, he was and still is one of my favorite gospel singers. So I went to her church the next night and seeing him sing live was incredible but it was when this pastor that came out with such a powerful word, it was as if God spoke through him right to me.

 

He was real, he was kind, he was captivating, he was funny and passionate and he had a sick faith in the lord. You couldn’t help but want to hear more but for me it was so much more.

 

I needed to hear his words like a thirsty person needed water, I snook out every Wednesday to hear him, as I was Jewish at the time.

I lied week after week because I knew this man had a message from God  for me.

 

Every week I sat in the front so not to be distracted and I did the ugly cry. I prayed for help and I gave thanks for this man and his messages.

 

Each week I got stronger, I  started to believe that God was talking to me, that this all happened because I asked for his help and he had me in his hands.

 

Until one day I knew who’s I was, a child of the most high God and I knew I  could walk away and he would provide for my every need and so I asked for a divorce.

 

Yes, me who was afraid of change, me who would never stand up to him or answer him back, me who had gave away all my power and didnt love herself anymore….see all that changed when I  started to listen to this pastor, he changed my life.

 

His faith, his sick faith taught me to have my own faith, his love he shows to everyone taught me to love, his postive attitude reminded me of my own that was dormant for so long, his forgiving heart made me realize I had to forgive my ex to go on.

 

His example rubbed off to his congregation as well, because everyone there welcomed me with open arms, yes, in a huge church that was predominantly black, they welcomed the crazy white women who came week after week balling like a baby, sitting in the front row.

 

And when it was time to move on my church family was there to help me start my new life, with packing, moving and support. He leads this church by example, by being kind, by offering a helping hand, by reaching out to everyone and this family was now my family.

 

So today I want to say Happy birthday Bishop, thank you for saving my life, for all the messages you’ve have passed on to me from God, for your realness, for your big heart, for your words of encouragement and for teaching me to have sick faith, there are not enough words to say thank you.

 

May God bless you with favor for all of your life, for your a true man of God and he will definitely be saying to you one day “Well done my son”

 

So today my friends, please help me wish my Bishop the amazing, Henry Fernandez happy birthday !!

We love you Bishop!

 

Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on tmy website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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