How our memories effect us

Tgif Treadmill Treats

 

How our memories effect us

 

Yesterday I wrote a blog about addiction and I knew I would get a response from my cousin who I love dearly.

It was about my former best friend and how I pray for her to get well.

 

Well my cousin definitely had something to say about this one…like I didn’t already know that… and yes, she is right. Lately I was thinking of my former friend and all the times we shared together.

 

Yes, sometimes we remember the good times and smooth over the bad ones. Its like when a person is a crappie person all their lives but then they die and all of a sudden they are saints. Wtf? Two days ago you were calling them a Sob and now they are wonderful? Get real just because they are dead doesn’t erase all the bad they did.

 

I remember a classmate who made my life hell, he was forever calling me names, he was the first to start rumors about me, he tortured me on the bus. I had no idea what I ever did to him but he had it out for me. He was killed in a car crash junior year, everyone was going to his funeral, when they asked if I was going I said no.

 

They said it was disrespectful that I wasn’t going. I said I wasn’t a hypocrite I didn’t like him when he was alive and just because he’s dead doesn’t change that fact.

 

Look I was sorry he died, he was young and had his whole life ahead of him but it didn’t change the fact he was a ass.

 

So I get my cousin, my former friend was a ass to me, she hurt me and yes sometimes I forget all of that when I am remembering the past.

 

Yes, cuz….I am Tinker bell and I do see the good in people even the “toads”

I will never change, that’s just me.

 

But I am far from stupid as I will never let her or anyone else who hurt me do it again. Their loss not mine… I am a friend for life, I love with all I am, I have your back, I am your do or die girl… but if you hurt me, we are done.

 

So today my friends and my dear cousin who I love so very much and who I know has my back without me ever looking.

 

Know this…I am not going to change, I will still pray for my enemies, I will still keep looking for the good in people, I will still forgive the ones who hurt me and I will still remember the good times and miss what we had even through the pain…that’s just me…

 

Otherwise the memories of the pain will effect my life in a negative way and I’ve already went down that road so I will continue to  believe in fairy tales, I am going to forever be Tinker bell and not grow up…

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

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The depths of addiction

Thursday Treadmill Treats

 

The depths of addiction

 

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my former best friend. I forgave her for all she did to me for a while now but lately she has been on my mind.

 

And I can just hear my cousin now saying

“Please, after all she did to you, screw her”

But I realize better than anyone that it was the addiction that made her do all she did.

 

Although I have never robbed, lied or stole for my addiction, it was pretty bad and I know the way you feel until you to get your next high.

 

Its like something is taken over your body and all you can think about is the next high.

For me it was to cover up the pain I was feeling and wasn’t dealing with. When I came down all the pain came back so it was easier to get high then to deal with the issues.

 

There before the grace of God goes I…yes, I could have easily been there, I was going down that path but God…

Somehow in a lucid moment I realized this would kill me if I continued and so I asked for help and pulled myself out of that black hole.

 

Was it easy? Oh please nothing comes easy! No, it meant I had to deal with the real issues, the ones that drove me to drink and do drugs in the first place.

 

Yes, addiction takes over your mind, your body, your soul, you do things you never would normally do.

 

Okay cuz…I hear you…its not an excuse to be a asshole, I get that but if she wasn’t on drugs she wouldn’t be doing these things.

 

You don’t walk away from your children, you don’t  screw the people you love over, you wouldn’t lie and cheat and steal if you were in your right mind. Drugs make you forget common sense, they make all of your decency go out the window, your mind is going one way… get me to the drug…

 

You have no heart, you no longer think of others feelings, you no longer care about anything but the high.

It consumes your every waking moment, every thought and when you do come down and the thoughts of the destruction of what you have done come into your mind, all you want to do is get high some more to forget them.

 

No, none of this is an excuse, we have free will, you chose to start using or to relapse, yes, its a choice.

 

The more times you relapse the harder it is to start over as you’ve already burnt all your bridges. No one trusts you, no one believes you but that doesn’t mean you cannot change if you truly want to.

 

Nothing is impossible…but you first must admit you have a problem. You first must take responsibility for your actions, you must ask for forgiveness, you must work the steps.

 

Again you have to want this, no amount of love, begging or crying from anyone else will do it, you have to do this.

Most times it means hitting rock bottom, it took me to wake up on my drug dealers floor after a 7 day binge with puke stuck to my face to realize this was the bottom for me and this was not where I wanted to go with my life.

 

I hope one day she will hit the bottom so she will cry out for help, knowing this is not how she wants to live anymore. Yes, I pray for her every day even after all the pain she caused me because I know her struggle and I know the person she is when she is not on drugs.

 

Now don’t get this twisted, we will never be friends again like we were but that doesn’t mean I can’t pray for her, that I cant hope that she gets the help she needs, be the mom that her children need.

Yes, I will continue to pray and one day maybe she will realize what she is doing with her life.

 

So today my friends remember you don’t realize what others are going through, they might be living in their own hell…

Addiction is a powerful force that can ruin a person’s life, try to reach out to help someone, get the help if this is you. Anything is possible….change is real, you just have to want it bad enough….

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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