Tgif Treadmill Treats
The effects of verbal abuse
October is National Domestic Violence month and it is a subject near and dear to my heart.
So all through this month I will be writing about it, to try to open your eyes about what it actually does to the victims.
Today I want to present you with some facts about this devastating crime and the lasting effects it can have.
This is not just me telling you, this is actual facts and reports from top researchers on what domestic violence and verbal abuse can and will do to people and let me tell you it’s really scary.
According to the CDC, they
released a study in 2008,
that surveyed more than 70,000 Americans and the
results were staggering. These are the results of that survey.
· 23.6% of women and
11.5% of men reported at
least one lifetime episode
of intimate partner violence.
· In households with incomes under $15,000 per year, 35.5% of women
and 20.7% of men suffered violence from an intimate partner.
· 43% of women and
26% of men in multiracial
non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.
· 39% of women and
18.6% of men in American
Indian, Alaska Native
· 26.8% of women and 15.5% of men in white
suffered partner violence.
· 29.2% of women and
23.3% of men in black
suffered partner violence.
· 20.5% of women and 15.5% of men in Hispanic households suffered partner violence.
Harvard university put out
there own study on verbal
abuse, they went on to say:
Scolding, swearing, yelling,
threatening, ridiculing, demeaning & criticizing can be as harmful as physical abuse, sexual abuse outside the home or witnessing physical abuse at home.
The report suggests that,
when verbal abuse is constant and severe, it creates a risk of post-traumatic stress disorder,
The same type of
psychological collapse experienced by combat troops in Iraq.
The research on which the report is based points out that children who are the target of frequent verbal
mistreatment exhibit higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and social problems than other children.
Other researchers have associated childhood verbal abuse with a
significantly higher risk of developing unstable, angry personalities, narcissistic behavior, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and paranoia.
“Verbal abuse may also have more lasting consequences than other forms of abuse, because it’s often more continuous,”
“And in combination with
physical abuse and neglect,may produce the most dire outcome.
There are always signs, yetwe chose to ignore them,
here are a few:
comments about a group
you belong to (gender,
career, religion, etc.)
This comment might end with “I mean them, not you.”
*Make fun of or insult your
ideas, behaviors, or beliefs?
*Make negative comments about people, places or things that you love?
*Say things that are almost true about you, but leave you wanting to defend yourself?
*Say, “What? It was just a joke!” to dismiss a remark
that offends you?
*Ask you questions about something that just happened and reply to your answers, “Do you care to think about that and answer the question again” or just sit there, staring at
you, in a way that lets you
know your answer wasn’t
*Engage you in long
conversations about things on which you disagree until you reach the point of wanting to say, “Okay. Whatever. You’re right!”
Or insist that you repeat
what they said and then,
“You agreed with me!”
*Somehow manage to physically back you into a
corner or somewhere you cannot easily escape during intense
*Break you down until you
say your sorry about a fight you clearly are in the right about?
These are signs of how you feel when you are with them. Do you feel…
*Nervous when approaching them with
*Insulted because of their
use of foul language or does their use of foul language change the
meaning of otherwise
Such as: “Could you f*ck*ng tell me how much f*ck*ng longer it will be before you’re ready
*A need to tell on yourself
about innocent events in case the person hears
about it later?
*Misunderstood for the most part, in your relationship?
Do you doubt…
*Your sanity, intelligence, orcommunication skills because of difficulties relating to them?
*Your memories when it comes to recalling conversations or events with the person because their take on it is so different from your own?
Ask yourself these questions and be brutally honest with the answers because these are the signs.
Victims of verbal abuse may:
*Have difficulty forming conclusions and making decisions
*Feel or accept that there is something wrong with them on a basic level
I am here to tell you all of this is true as I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years, I know how it feels to be yelled at, put down, belittled, told you are stupid and that you could never do anything right.
I spent years crying myself to sleep, thinking I could never get out of this relationship because I didn’t think I could make it on my own. His words rang over and over in my head, I’d be nothing without him, he would take my girls, I’d be living in a box under 95…I was stuck in fear.
When I finally had the courage to leave I made it my mission to help other women, to make sure my words touched their hearts, to uplift and give encouragement to someone else who may need it, to constantly put the word out about this silent killer of lives and souls.
This will never go away if we keep quiet about it.
It has to be spoken of, we have to shine the light on this dark topic and show these men and women that even though you may not raise your hands to us, you are still a abusiver!
So today my friends, I beg you to reach out, to help others who are literally stuck in these relationships, give them a way to get out, donate to your local women’s shelters. You don’t realize how small and precious the joy is of just coming home not being afraid and just being happy is until you walked in our shoes.
“Be the change you want to see”
“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”
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