Our lasting baggage

Hump day Treadmill Treats

 

Our lasting baggage

 

This is the baggage we bring with us from one relationship to another. We all have baggage even if you chose not to admit it, you have it.

 

It can be fear of commitment, you involved in relationship after relationship until the other person wants to get more committed and then you run.

 

It can be fear of getting hurt again, this is a big one with many of my friends, they’ve been lied to and or cheated on so many times they rather shut down completely than trust again.

 

There is fear of being told what to do, being in another controlling relationship.

Hi, over here, I have my hand raised for this one, yes, I know this is my baggage and try as I may, it’s a hard one to unpack.

 

There is a fear of trust, you’ve been lied to and cheated on over and over, you keep picking losers and you keep bringing this fear with you.

 

Drama is a big baggage some people bring into every relationship, they are not happy unless they are fighting or there is drama going on and it’s there in every single relationship they are in.

 

Never admitting that you have a problem ohhhh…big one here!

Look back over your history, do you see patterns? Is it the same things people have said to you over and over yet your still can’t figure out what keeps going wrong in all of your relationships? The one key factor is…you!!

 

Yes, these are all baggage we carry with us and for alot of you out there, you hop into and out of relationship after relationship without ever unpacking, without looking at the issues and trying to fix them.

 

Years ago my issues was commitment, I was raped and I it carried over into getting too close to people, once a man said he loved me or wanted more I ran…fast.

 

I got past that (therapy helped tremendously) after my marriage I waited 2 years before I started dating.

 

I needed to unpack and see what was I carrying with me.

I needed to own my own issues and forgive him of his.

I couldn’t jump from the pot to the the frying pan again. I needed to learn lessons and you can’t do that while your under someone else. (Yes, I just said that!)

 

Do I have issues still? Yes, funny that I don’t have trust issues, you would think I would after Mr.Con Artist and the rest of my bad mistakes but I don’t.

I have my issues with control and being independent, that,

I got this mentality, I got going on. Like if I depend on anyone some how I will be giving up a part of myself.

 

I know it’s a issue, see the first step of any recovery is admitting you have a problem. Yeah, I learned that in recovery and therapy too and it’s true you must admit you have a problem, it is only then you can work on it and change it.

 

So I am trying, I see my issues and I am trying to change them, I refuse to bring old baggage into the future.

 

Yes, I could be like a lot of my girlfriends who close off their hearts to love, but love is life, it is what makes life worth living and even though I know I can and probably will, have my heart broken again, I am willing to take the chance because otherwise life wouldn’t be worth living for me.

 

Look we all have our issues, you are too critical, your too unbending, you hurt people with your words, you think it’s okay to say it’s a joke and think it makes it okay. You’re  narcissistic or controlling, you fight about everything, nothing is ever good enough for you, you have a roaming eye, you lie, your never happy….

 

Oh.. I know that you see yourself in this list, dont lie.

Whatever the issue, pick yours and then work on it. We are all not perfect, we all have issues, we are human and the amazing part of being human is once we own our issues, we have the ability to change them. Imagine that? We can change…what a concept…

 

So today my friends remember don’t keep carrying your dirty issues from one relationship to another, don’t keep saying it’s them not me every time it goes wrong.

 

Don’t keep sidestepping your own issues, own them, empty out that baggage, be brutally honest and say this was mine, this was mine, this was theirs. Go through it all and then take all of your dirty laundry and clean yourself off, deal with it all before you repack that bag and go off to your next relationship, believe me it will be the best thing you’ve ever done.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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When fear rules your life

  Tgif Treadmill Treats

When fear rules your life

I remember back in the day, when fear ruled my life. I was afraid of what people would say or think about me. I was afraid of gossip and so I had to live a certain way. When I got married I was afraid of going back home even though I already knew he wasn’t the man for me, fear and my ego stopped me.

Then I was afraid of him taking my girls away so I stayed in a verbally abusive marriage. I was afraid of what he thought about me, of what people would think if they knew how horrible he treated me. I was afraid of trying to make it on my own, how could I make it without him? Fear ruled my life and made me stuck in a hopeless spot.

I was afraid I wasn’t smart enough, good enough, strong enough. I was afraid of change and so I stayed in a miserable life, I couldn’t stand because I let fear ruled my life.

But here’s the thing, when your sick and tired of being sick and tired, when enough is enough, when it doesn’t matter what happens because you cannot take it for one more second, you smack fear in the face and you leap into the unknown not worrying about what will happen next.

The day I laid on the floor and prayed for help because I couldn’t do this one more day, the day I gave it over to God, the day I let go of fear, was the day my life changed forever.

Yes, there has been so many changes in the last few years, more changes than in the last 25 years and yes, sometimes it is still scary.

But I have to tell you I am living my most authentic life, I am truly happy with myself and my life now and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I no longer worry about what others think, I only worry about what God thinks. I do my very best to try to be a good person and that is enough, see no one pays my bills so I don’t care what you think.

I walked out of a marriage with no job, I started a new business from scratch, a business I knew nothing about. I rented an apartment with a rent as high as my old mortgage, with this new, just started business that I didn’t know would work or pay all these bills.

I hadn’t paid bills in years, did my taxes, I hadn’t took care of myself in 24 years, this was all new and was it scary? Hell yeah it was scary, yet I didn’t fear rule my life, I learned to get past it.

In that time I also changed jobs, I had sold my business

(I work 3 jobs, yes I am a Jamaican) I bought a new home (only God knows how I got qualified for it) and the day I closed on my new house, I quit a great paying job because I was so miserable there.

The boss was exactly like my ex, the type of person, who always puts you down and finds fault in everything you do. No, I’ve been there before and I now needed to be in an environment where I could be appreciated and be my authentic self. I had already been unhappy every day, I was not going back there and staying there because of fear.

See never again was I going to be stuck in a place of unhappiness just because it was scary. Even though there were more bills than money, even though I was remodeling a new home, even though I was starting up a new business again, add to that, I was a single mom and had a ex that stopped paying me child support, but even with all of that…I wasn’t going to let fear stop me and let me tell you, this was all, big time scary.

I wasn’t going to let fear rule my life again, I wasn’t going to be stuck. No matter what happens I was going to continue to move forward. I was going to swallow my fear and live my best life.

I have sick faith, look how many times I walked out on faith, faith that started my business, faith that all my bills would be paid, faith about getting a new home and all that was entailed in remodeling it, faith to start up a new business again, faith to buy a new home and quit your job the next day with no back up plan and you know what? God has gotten me through it all, on my own and without fear.

So today my friends, my advice to you is to take that leap of faith, do not let fear rule your life, stop listening to that voice inside your head, it wants to keep you in that spot. People want to keep you were your at, they are holding you back by putting that fear inside you. Break free and believe in yourself, it will be okay, I am living proof of what you can do when your fearless.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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