Here I go home yet again

Hump day Treadmill Treats

 

Here I go home yet again

 

In the last few years I have been blessed to go home alot.

I know I have lived in Florida for the last 26 years but to me my heart and my home will always be New York.

 

Don’t get me wrong I love Florida, I love the weather, the beaches, the weather…oh wait did I say that already?

Besides that, well not so much more.

 

There is an energy in New York, and you can say all you want about the people in New York but they are a bred all their own. We are loyal to a fault, we are a friend forever, we love our city and will stand to defend it in a heartbeat.

 

I can’t say the same about the people from Florida, no offense but it’s too transient, there are no roots for people here and you talk about rude… New York has got nothing on rudeness compared to here.

 

This trip I get to play tour guide to my church family singles group, that I am part of. They are so excited to go for the first time and I am excited to show them my city that I call home.

 

I will be taking them to all the “New York things”

The Statue of Liberty, World Trade Center, China Town and Little Italy.

We are going to see the Broadway play, Wicked, we are going to a taping of Good Morning America, we will see Rockefeller Center, St Patrick’s cathedral and Central park.

 

I will introduce them to dirty water dogs, pastrami sandwiches, real New York pizza and bagels. Cannolis made in little Italy for the last 75 years and the best Chinese food in the world.

We will then go to Lindys for cheese cake that will make your mouth water.

 

I am excited to show them the subway, the local hangouts and the sites and sounds that make my city, the best in the world.

 

There is nothing like the feeling I get going home, every single time, it’s the same thing, the same feeling.

There is no city in the world like New York and I am just not bias, the rest of the world feels the same way as well.

 

So today my friends, I am so happy to be going home yet again and to be able to show my church family why I love my city so much.

New York city here we come!

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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They didnt believe I could rise again

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

They didn’t believe I could rise again…

So many people have counted me out again and again…
Since as long as I can remember people have talked about me.

I was short, skinny and sounded like Mickey Mouse and so it began.
For years I was different, I dressed different, I was unique and that made me a target.
We were also poor and from the wrong side of the tracks, my mom was a waitress in a dinner on the night shift, definitely another target for people.

Our house was always under construction, half done, half a mess, I was embarrassed and can remember getting off the buss and walking past my house, down the street so that no one knew I lived there.

It didn’t get any better in my teenage years as I was a Tom boy and so that automatically made me a whore in so many of my peers eyes.

Even though I was madly in love with my high school sweetheart and was saving myself for him when we turned 18. The truth didn’t matter to so many of my haters, only the lies they continued to perpetuate.

When my dad died, when I was raped and had to endure an abortion, when I got into drugs and alcohol, people kept on talking about me.

When I was failing school, when I didnt care and got into fights, people called me a low life. They said I’d never make anything out of myself and my life, even the principal told me I’d never graduate.
They all counted me out, they were loud and mean about who they thought I was.

When time after time I picked losers, hoping they would change with the love of a good women, they talked about me saying I’d be barefoot and pregnant in some broken-down  trailer.

Yes, I’ve heard it all, hate you could not imagine, there were some days I wished it would all end, I wanted to end it all.
So many nights I cried myself to sleep, wondering what did I ever do to deserve all of this.

See here’s the thing about a fighter, you never count them out, they can muster up the strength to come back. They have heart, to go through the worst times and come back stronger, they never give up!

Yes, I’ve been talked about, I come from the wrong side of the tracks, I’ve been knocked down, beat up and left for dead but again I rise, again I put my truth out there for the world to see.

Again I pull myself up and I close my ears to the hateful words my haters speak at me.
Because I know who I am, I know who’s I am and I know that I will survive, I will overcome all that life will throw at me.

Like Whitney Houston’s song,
I didn’t know my own strength..
I thought I would break…I didn’t  know my own strength…and I crashed down and I tumbled but I didn’t not crumble…I got through all the pain…I didn’t know my own strength… I was not built to break.

I did all that my haters said I couldn’t and wouldn’t do…I graduated, I stayed a virgin until I was 18 with my high school sweetheart.
I got off drugs and alcohol, I went to college, I opened up my own business, I traveled the world, I had the big life….
Over and over again I defied the odds and I made it through.

So today my friends, remember  there is nothing that you can’t do, you are so much bigger than your haters. You can and will overcome whatever life throws at you, it doesn’t matter what they say about you, it only matters what you say to yourself.

You are a fighter, you were not built to break, you need to know your own strength….you will rise yet again….

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

***Now available***
My book “The blessing in Disguise”
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

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I dont need to be taken care of

I don’t need to be taken care of

 

Recently I was accused of taking advantage of a person I was dating….I would like to speak to this….

 

Years ago my ex held all the cards, he took care of everything, I had no control. I was afraid to leave this big lifestyle, afraid I couldn’t make it on my own. Lets be honest I liked the fancy vacations, the designer bags, the toys…Yes, I liked the big life and so I sold my soul and stayed.

 

When I realized that no amount of money could buy me happiness, I left not knowing how I would take care of me or my girls…

 

I only had faith in God…

I left with a mattress and my personal items and for months we all slept on the floor on that mattress.

I have worked 3 jobs, I’ve worked 14 hours days,

I worked 7 days a week….I am not afraid of work.

 

I have never took money from anyone nor asked anyone for money…

I do what I have to do to get by.

I will never be dependent on a man again, I will never ask or take anything from a man, I got this….

 

Now I ask you all ..because your boo takes you on vacations does that make you a user? Because your boo wants to help fix things around your home, knowing your a single mom working 3 jobs, does that make you a user? Isn’t that what boyfriends are suppose to do for their girlfriends? At least that’s what I thought…..

 

When I did their taxes, organized their house, built their business a website, gave them a mortgage, dropped everything to fly out and take care of them when they were sick, did I throw it back at them? No, that’s what you do when your with someone… it’s called give and take….

 

But did he pay my mortgage? Did he pay my car payments? Did he clothe my girls?

 

No, he did none of that….so I don’t owe him anything….

 

I don t have a check list of all I’ve done for someone…

Oh… I did this for you now you need to do this for me….

 

I do it because I want to, because I feel for them, because God but it in my heart. Not because I need to one day throw it in their faces.

 

And just because your not feeling them anymore doesn’t mean you owe them anything for the things they’ve done.

 

I am blessed with wonderful friends, that time and time again came to my rescue.

I don’t know what I’ve would have done without my best friend that flew down to take care of all the things I needed on my new home. My guardian angel neighbor who has helped me more than I can tell you, my dear childhood friend who not only helps me out with my car but also looks out for my kids.

 

Did I have to sleep with any of them in return for their kindness? Hell no, they did it out of the goodness of their hearts and I in return would and have dropped everything to be there for them.

 

I have helped them organize their homes, helped them move, loaned them money, picked them up when their cars broke down, I listened to them at 4 am when they needed an ear….that’s what friends do…

 

Hello!! That’s called friendship, maybe people who feel this way have no friends, but I am sorry that doesn’t make me a user, that just makes me a great friend.

 

So today my friends, remember  doing something for someone you care about isn’t on a checklist….

I did this for you…check …

you did this for me….check

I did this for you…..check

Oh, wait you owe me one now…

 

It’s called giving from the goodness of your heart and not expecting anything in return, that’s the truest meaning of love and friendship.

 

I know I got this, I am a strong, intelligent and independent woman, but we all can use the kindness of others, especially when it’s giving selflessly.

Learn to give selflessly….

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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The hand slaps heard around the world

Thursday Treadmill Treats

 

The hand slaps heard around the world

 

Recently our first lady not once but twice slapped away the hand of her husband, the president.

It was really sly but with today’s technology and slow motion cameras, we all got to see it clearly.

 

Maybe she’s had enough,

It should have been clear to her, when the first day they went to the White house, he got out of the car and started walking up the steps without her, not even looking back at her.

While President Obama, helped his first lady out of the car and held her hand while helping her up the stairs.

 

That was a statement heard around the world as well…no respect for your wife and the country’s first lady.

 

So maybe she’s close to done, maybe she didn’t want to be first lady, maybe she knew he would be the laughing stock of the world and that would be her title for life, laughing stocks wife.

 

Maybe she was happy in New York, hanging with her friends, spending his money, only having to deal with him occasionally.

 

But now she is thrown into the spotlight and she has to be there for all of these events, but you can clearly see she is not comfortable in the first lady role.

 

There is only so much a women will put up with, especially when you are constantly disrespected.

 

He is the typical narcissistic, control freak, it’s all about him, always.

You are just there as trophy wife, to do what he says, to talk to you whichever way he feels like. You are his property, period.

 

I don’t think I’ve ever saw her smile, I don’t think she ever looked at him with loving, proud eyes like Michelle looked at her husband with.

No, she’s here because she’s forced to be here, it’s her duty as first lady like it or not.

 

But little tell tale signs that she is close to done are cropping up, the eye rolls, the slapping away of his hand, the look of I don’t want to be here, I am dying here.

 

Yes, I know these signs all too well, all women who have been in abusive relationships know these signs, as well, as we have all been there.

 

I feel sorry for her, because she has the biggest narcissist in the free world, he already spoke many times how he sees women, as objects, as a piece of meat, something to be seen and not heard. He has been loud and clear in his opinions over the years.

 

And now she is stuck, to grin and bear it, all while inside she is starting to despise him, if she doesn’t already.

 

Yes, men like that do have the upper hand for a while but eventually we become so dead inside we don’t care, about the titles, the money, the fame, we just want out. Its as if you are suffocating and your slowly dying and you have to do anything to get out, to get air, that is when you will run, you won’t care about all the things you thought were important in the past.

 

You will give it all up for your freedom, to have your life back on your terms. I don’t know how she is going to survive the next 4 years, if cheeto man gets that long in office.

 

But I myself will be praying for her, she had the hardest job, she has to pretend everyday that she likes him, that he doesn’t make her sick every time he looks at her, everytime he touches her. Yes, if she makes it 4 years without losing it, she should get the Oscar for best performance.

 

So today my friends remember not everything is what it seems, you would think being first lady would be something you dream about…but at what cost? At what cost is worth your self esteem, your heart, your soul?

 

There is always a cost you must pay, nothing is free when you give your power away, when you trade your soul for power and money.

 

Just listen to that inner voice, listen closely and then take a long, hard up close and personal look at what abusive looks like with our first lady and decide wisely.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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I own my truth…do you?

Hump day Treadmill Treats

 

I own my truth…do you?

 

It took me a long time to get to this place, to be honest with myself and the world. It wasn’t an easy road, it’s still not easy but I fought my way here and here is where I am staying.

 

I have never intentionally hurt anyone, I have never called anyone out ….(Okay besides Mr.Con Artist but that was a public service announcement) but I have always spoken my truth…

 

I have been honest about who I am, what I’ve done, owning my own shit but here’s the thing, your not going to call me out and expect me to sit there…

I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am nothing, if I am not raw and real.

 

You want to talk about me…that’s fine…people have talked about me as long as I can remember…I was called a whore all through school when I was actually a virgin… people mistook my self confidence as snottiness, people talked about me because I was poor and from the wrong side of the tracks…see talk doesn’t hurt me…

 

You want to hate…go for it…it just means I am doing what I am supposed to do… rising higher….

See when people see you rising higher…they start to hate….don’t worry about them…your eyes are set to what is above you, not to what is below you.

 

I refuse to let your words pull me down…I will survive…see I always do…

 

I know my words hit a nerve….good or bad…..because they are said in thruth….something so many people can’t do….speak the truth….

 

Be who they truly are…bare their souls to the world, for it to judge you…. but I have no problem with my truth…I lived the lies for too long….like it or not… bam, here it is!

 

See I don’t call out people, I call out injustice…. if you good and kind I call it out, I will speak to that…if your unkind, if you do crappie things I will speak to that as well….

 

Someone I once loved said…”Don’t do shitty things and you won’t have to be worried about being called out”

Truer words have never been spoken…..

 

And no, I don’t just have big balls behind the computer screen….I will call you out to your face as well…. see I will continue to call out the truth….

 

It’s funny how sometimes when I write a blog, so many people will message me and ask if that was about them….I laugh and say no…

 

But I obviously hit a nerve, so what does that say about you?

I write about what’s in my heart….I write about pain and sorrow, about hope and light, about being a better person and about screwing up time and time again….because that is life….that is real….that is truth…..

 

I would never say I was your friend to your face, then talk behind your back, I would never do something to intentionally hurt someone publicly, I would never believe one side of a story without checking the facts of the another side…

 

This is my truth…you might not like my truth, my truth may scare you, because it hits so close to your home, you might be pissed, how could I possibly put that out there? Why would I?

 

It’s just like that old saying.. “The truth will set you free!”

I am free indeed….

 

There is nothing you can say about me that I haven’t already put out for the world to see, yes…I had a drug and alcohol problem, yes… I was raped, yes…I had an abortion, yes… I pick losers, yes…my kids screw up, yes….I hurt and cry…yes ….I am Christian but so not perfect…I am human.

 

So go on say what you want about me…I will still be here speaking my truth while you are trying to deflect from yours.

 

I own mine loud and proud…

 

So today my friends remember it is a choice, your choice.. you can either hide your truth or you can own it, like a badge of honor.

 

See my words either attract a strong mind or offend a weak one….which one are you?

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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People in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

 

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks

 

I write all about my skeletons in my closet, I opened that door wide and let them all fall out for the whole world to see.

 

I write all the time how I am far from perfect, I screw up, I pick losers, my girls are far from perfect, of how many times I’ve fell on my face. I lived a lie for so many years, I refused to live in that glass house for one more second.

 

But so many people out there are sitting in their glass houses throwing stones at others. Like they are perfect and have the perfect house.

 

They don’t want to hear about me calling out Mr.Con Artist when he was cheating on me, because they have let it go on in their home for so many years. They were fast to tell me to let it go, because I hit a nerve.

 

They want the world to see the perfect couple, not that they get their ass beat on a weekly basis, as they live in a house of lies.

 

But they are fast to throw stones at you, at when you fall on your face, when you mess up, hey look over there….so that you don’t look too closely at them….

 

They will act like they have money, living the big life, all the designer clothes and shoes but have to borrow money to go on vacations, yet when you save and work 3 jobs to go away, they are the first to say, must be nice.

 

When their children screw up or don’t live up to what they expect, they will sugar coat it, they will put another spin on it so that it doesn’t make them look bad but they are fast to let you know how you screwed up as a parent.

 

Yes, we all know these people, these let me look down at you, people, let me point my finger at you…let me throw digs at you, let me pull twat moves on you because.. hey, I am better than you people…..

Just as long as you don’t look to closely.

 

Here’s the thing….we all know… we know your glass house is built on a crumbling foundation, we know where you came from, we know it all…yet we play your game, we go along with your bullshit stories….we pretend we believe you but when we go home we are all saying the same thing…”Don’t they know, we know? Please…”

 

But you keep throwing rocks at others, you keep living the lies you tell yourself and others to justify your behavior, your lies you live with in your glass house.

But the only one your fooling is yourself.

 

So today my “friends” remember “He who has no sin, cast the first stone”

 

That would be….none of us…

 

Don’t judge when you know nothing of the story, don’t point fingers when you sure as hell don’t want us to open your closet and see your skeletons.

Remember people in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks…..

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Doing things God’s way produces good results

Treadmill Treats Monday Message

 

Doing things God’s way produces good results

 

There’s a way to chose your path with God, you need to trust him, no matter where he is going to take us.

 

Someties he will uproot us and then give us instructions on what he wants us to do.

We don’t like change, I especially didn’t like change and we don’t want to listen because we are comfortable where we are.

 

But yet when we follow the world and then we end up feeling empty we blame God…but God didn’t give you those instructions, he gave you different instructions but you didn’t listen.

 

He makes you leave your comfort zone, he up roots you, makes you cut ties to some people, to bring you to a place he has for you.

 

You struggle through the process…you ask why? Where am I going? What is going to happen when I get there?

You need answers, your human…you’re afraid.

 

You think because you are Christian now, you don’t need to go through anything, things should be great…perfect!

You don’t want to go through hardships… isn’t that why you started to pray, to get you out of your hardships?

 

Being Christian doesn’t mean you automatically have a perfect life, it just means when hard times comes and they will, you won’t be afraid, you will know God has you, you will know he will provide but there are still lessons you need to learn.

 

There are things you are praying for…but you might not the ready and that blessing might turn into a curse if you are not ready.

 

But remember you get to chose which path you will take… do you follow God or do you follow the world?

 

You need to do it God’s way… Sometimes you need to hold back, hold your tongue, your feelings…even when you want to lash out…

 

This week was a test for me in this very area…when someone slammed me…put something on socal media that was a slap in my face….my feelings, my human self, wanted me to lash back, call her out, blast her but I had to hold my tongue.

 

I had to step back and know this will be my choice and this is not what I want to put out there…

I needed to be talked off the ledge…I am human…and it is quick to fall into the human way…

 

The Christian way is about you having one way to go…it puts pressure on you…

We blame God for things we do…you want the easy way…we do things our way, we make decisions that we didn’t ask God about yet we blame him for the consequences.

 

Here’s the thing, we are all not perfect, I am sure the hell not perfect, I constantly make God shake his head but I am a work in progress, I keep trying, to be better, to do better, to make God happy. Sometimes I achieve that and most of the time I fall short but I still keep trying.

 

We have to remember that and not be so hard on ourselves. Look at Jesus apostles, Paul was a murderer and yet he went on to write 13 books in the bible.

Peter carried a knife and he used it many times.

 

The apostle were all thugs, they were liars, thief’s, cheaters, murderers, backstabbers.

Jesus didn’t take the prophets, the high priests, the “Godly” people. No he took people that others thought were hopeless, that hit rock bottom, that society threw away and he believed in them, he knew they could change but he also knew they were human, and they would make mistakes and yet still, he would forgive them.

 

God will make your story, he will use your story to show others that your not perfect…but he will still have you, still love you, still make you prosper in spite of your shortcomings.

 

So today my friends, remember

I know that the road might be hard, you might want to quit, you want it now, you’ve been waiting forever but believe me when you do things God’s way, he will produce amazing things in your life.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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My best writing

My best writing…

 

Some of my best writing comes from pain, from hurt, from anger.

It is when my heart is broken, when I lay…broken in pieces that I write my best work, it’s  that honesty, that raw emotion comes through.

 

I bear my soul, I put it all out there for the world to see because I can’t hide what I feel, I can’t lie, I can’t pack it away in a little box and pretend I am not feeling the way I am.

 

For so many years I did that… listening to my mother after my rape and abortion “We shall never speak of this again”

Through my abusive marriage, lying and hiding my true feelings, I can’t and won’t do that anymore, I have to be real.

 

Like it or not this is my truth and I must speak my truth. Yes… it scares some people because they don’t want what they are feeling spoken outloud.

It makes it too real for them, as if someone is looking in their soul, seeing their deepest darkest feelings.

 

I can not hold my truth back because you can’t deal with yours…this is my path…my path to hopefully enlighten others.

 

I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am honest, I am real and when I hurt, what helps is writing. Some people cry, some get depressed, some drink or eat…I write.

 

Some of my best work came from the hell I was feeling after my divorce, when I fell for Mr.Con Artist and threw him to the curb. I lost myself and my pain in writing my book, for a year I emerge myself writing my pain away.

 

When people read my book and tell me they cried reading it, I know my pain paid off. That all that I had, went into it, that I made the readers feel what I was feeling. It’s when I realize that even that…even that pain, that hurt was for a reason.

 

I realize that this pain I am feeling now is also for a reason..it’s to open myself up, to share these feelings. It’s here for a lesson, even if I can’t see what the lesson is right now.

 

I have learned just to go with it, do what I do best to get through the hurt…I pray and I write.

 

So today my friends remember, the pain your feeling right now is here for a reason, to make you grow, to close a door you refuse to, to deal with something…this can be a sliver lining to doing your best work, to growing, to change…

Never let your pain hold you down use it for your good.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Backstabbing “Friends”

Thursday TreadmillTreats

 

Backstabbing “friends”

 

I don’t know why this still surprises me, especially in the last 2 years when so many of my “so called friends” did this to me.

 

Maybe it’s because I would never dream of doing this to a friend. If you know me you know I am a friend till the end. I still have friends since grade school. I am a ride or die friend, a call at 4 am friend, a I will be there no matter what friend, so to me this is hard.

 

But as I learned in the last 2 years not everyone is like me, no they are far, far from it.

I know these are lessons God is trying to teach me but still, every time it happens, I am shocked.

 

The latest of backstabbing happened last night, when my phone started blowing up from my true friends asking me if I saw a post.

 

They proceeded to tell me my “so called” friend posted a picture of my recently ex boyfriend and her best friend and how she wished them a wonderful time on the cruise he bought for ME on Christmas. Yes, the cruise I wrote about other day, the one I didn’t go on because my soul is not for sale.

 

Look…I dumped him, I refused to repeat the same mistake, with the same type of man.

So I moved on but to put that out there just to try to slap me in my face is cold, it’s a bitchy move, and all of my true friends called to say so.

 

But it’s all good, in the last 2 years, I lost one of my best friends because I wasn’t

“spiritual” enough for her, I lost another best friend and the money I loaned her.

 

My other “friend” blatantly flirted and sat on the lap of the man I was in love but was separated from, at my own birthday party!

 

And then she threw a bitch fit when I didnt invite her to a gathering in my home. Screaming at me in front of 20 of our friends “How dare you not to invite me to your party!”

Like she was the queen or something!

 

Yes, I am getting use to backstabbing “friends” And believe me I am getting quicker at kicking them to the curb.

 

I have learned a lot, in the last 2 years:

 

1st: Not everyone is entitled to the name “best friend” that is saved for friends that have been there, that have proved themselves through thick and thin.

 

2nd: Not everyone is like me, not everyone has integrity, not everyone is a loyal friend.

 

3rd: Not everyone is going to be there for the whole ride,.as much I would like that to be…it’s just not so.

 

Some are here for a reason, some for a season and some are here for a lesson and I have to deal with that.

 

It’s hard for a true friend to deal with but I am getting better at it. I have learned who is helping me row and who is drilling holes in my boat.

 

I have learned to rely on my intuition, to listen to that gut feeling, to cut my losses and move on.

 

And although it’s not easy to let go of friends you knew your whole life, sometimes you have  to realize some people don’t grow up, some people are the same mean girls from high school, some people are bitter and jealous and will never be happy for you.

 

Those are just the facts and after all the work I’ve done to make myself a better person, a positive person, how many times I exposed my soul in this blog to help others, I refuse to go backwards for a man or for a “so called friend”

 

So today my “friends” remember you are the captain of your own boat, you don’t have to entertain back stabbing “friends”

 

You don’t have to put up with any of it, throw them overboard, get rid of the dead weight, you ship is headed to amazing places, places these people have no right to go with you to.

 

And trust me only a certain few get the honor to sit at the Captain’s table.

Bon voyage…..

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Unlucky in love

Hump day Treadmill Treats

 

Unlucky in love

 

If you read my blog you know that I am blessed and I say it all the time. I have a wonderful life, I have my faith, great kids, amazing friends, a church and a church family that give me support. I have business I love, and a God given purpose in writing…with this blog and my books.

 

But the one thing I have never been lucky in, is love…

Yes, love has eluded me for many years…

We all have had a love of our life, mine was my first true love but since then I have been in love but not like that.

 

I thought I was in love a lot of times, but it turned out to just be infatuation, it turned out to be yet another wrong decision.

 

I seem to fall in love with men who are broken, men with issues, men who are unattainable. This is when I fall the hardest, when I think…I can change them, with my love and patience, they can be the man God called them to be.

 

Yes, so many of us believe that, women are nurturers, we want to care for the broken, we want to be needed.

 

Why? I ask myself, why go after these types? When I did the work for myself, when I  fixed what was broken in me.

I took the time, I put in the effort into becoming whole so why can’t I go for someone who has also done the same.

 

I think when will I find a good man? How many more heartbreaks do I need to go through? Will I ever be lucky in love?

 

Yes, I am motivational speaker, I write an inspirational blog, I am the most positive person you will meet but I am also human…I also get down, I hurt, I cry at night…I am like so many of you out there reading this…

 

For the most part, I am that positive person, I know I will have another chance at true love. I know that I didn’t go though all I’ve gone through not to have a happily ever after.

 

I know that I must kiss alot of frogs till I find my Prince…

I know that the second half of my life will be better than my first half.

 

But sometimes when you are going through the storms, you can’t see the rainbow. Sometimes you think, this road is too hard and too long, maybe I should give up.

 

I would but I am that prize fighter, I am Rocky, who gets knocked down, beat up, who is half dead but is still pulling himself up on the ropes. He has heart, he is not giving up, no matter how many times he gets knocked down.

 

That is me…I will get knocked down, I will see things fuzzy for a while, I might think there is no one out here, that things look hopeless but as soon as that fuzziness is gone and I can see clearly, I will get up, I will keep fighting, I will keep believing that I can win.

 

After all I am Tinker bell…I believe in fairy tales, in happily ever afters…I believe my Prince is out there. I have not kissed this many frogs not expecting my Prince.

 

So today my friends, know that there is hope for you, for me…know that even though you may have picked wrong, even though it feels like there is only frogs out there.

 

Oh hell, lets be real…toads out there, if you never give up, if you work on you and not settle for the next toad because you are lonely, because your afraid you won’t find another one. If you know your self worth, if your set against settling, know that I am with you.

 

We have each other, we have a wonderful life and if you don’t get one! Read my pasts blogs to find out how to do it.

But don’t give up, there are plenty of great men out there, I know as so many of my friends are men.

 

Remember nothing worth having is easy to come by…keep kissing those frogs!

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

My weekly Youtube page, please subscribe:

 

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