The month is over but Domestic violence goes on

The month is over but Domestic violence goes on

 

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month but just because October is over doesn’t it mean domestic violence is suddenly going to disappear. Domestic violence goes on in this country every second of every day. This is why this is my purpose, it’s to teach everyone out there that is dealing with domestic violence, that you don’t have to, to know you can change, you can walk away, you can learn your worth and how you let other people treat you.

 

So today on the last day of October I’d like to let everyone know that this is an ongoing thing and for me this is my life purpose so I will keep talking about domestic violence, just because the month is over doesn’t mean I am done.

I’ve even decided to start doing videos about knowing your worth and the things that we discussed in my blog so that you get to see the face behind the blog and if you can’t feel my passion through my writing,(I can’t see how that is possible) you will be able to in my videos.

 

I have to tell you, as I am real as hell and never hold back, that I thought I had worked out all of my issues from being in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years, I took time, I read books, I went to support meetings, I spent time with myself owning my own shit and forgiving him for his.

 

I thought I was good, but little did I know there was still some lasting residue from this, as I’ve learned this in the last few years with the guys I’ve been dating.

 

I still don’t know my worth, I see the red flags but I still make excuses instead of running as soon as I see them. I allow them to treat me the way I tell my queens to never accept, I am still broken and still need these lessons to make me whole.

 

It’s okay to screw up, hell I do it all the time, these screw ups teach you lessons, if you let them. They teach you your strength, sometimes you may slip back into your old ways, but as long as you realize it, as long as your constantly trying to improve and change, it’s all these  lessons that will be moving you forward.

 

I am hard headed, I need to screw up not once but many times before I get it.

I am always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, always trying to see the good in them, make excuses for their lousy behavior even when it’s clearly all on them. I still go into it must be me and something I did mode, that willingness to make someone love me, to do whatever it takes to make a person happy even if it means sacrificing my own happiness.

 

Yes, I am a work in progress and every day I am learning my own self worth, every day I learn something about myself and the issues I still have.

If your reading this and you think you don’t have issues, lasting residue from your childhood, your past relationships, from issues you chose not to deal with, you are lying to yourself. We all are broken in some way or another but the only way to fix this is to be real, to own it, to speak it, speak about it, let it go, open that door…

Today’s the perfect day for that, it’s Halloween, open the door let those skeletons out, clear it all out!

 

You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, so do it, acknowledge it, own it, deal with it, learn your lesson and then let it go.

I am acknowledging my weakness, my points that I still need to work on and I am putting it out here for you and the world to see

(Now that’s scary, I’m just asking you to own it to yourselves)

 

Let’s walk this path together, I am here learning just like you, I just chose to share all of it with you and the world because we will never grow if we are stuck in fear, if we don’t see the hope of someone who is going through the same thing we are, that gives us the courage to change.

“If they can do it, then I can do it”

That feeling of knowing your not alone, someone else walked your path and made it out.

 

So today my friends remember, yes you can get out of a bad situation, you can walk away from domestic violence but until your real with yourself, until you keep addressing and learning lessons, until you finally know your self worth and what you absolutely won’t put up with or make excuses for you are still stuck there.

 

Domestic violence is not just a month, it’s not just  about getting out, it’s about teaching others their value, its about showing the next generation change, its about uplifting each other and it’s about the constant change within ourselves.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

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Dont ask for things to be easier, ask forthe strength to deal with it

Don’t ask for things to be easier, ask for the strength to deal with it.

I know from personal experience that life can be brutal sometimes, that you can hit rock bottom (for me it was twice) and it feels like the sun will never come out.

In my darkest hours, when I was lost, alone and broken, I prayed and cried out for help. I had nothing else to hold on to, I needed help, I didn’t think I could survive one more day, not even one more second, I needed my situation to change.

I remember crying out, why can’t my life be easier? Why did I have to endure all that I’ve endured?

What I’ve realized since then is that everything that we go through has a lesson in it, but we must learn to look for that lesson. The lesson I learned from this was that I can’t ask for it to be easier, I needed to ask for strength, because there will always be something in life that I will be going through.

These things are here for a reason, to teach me a lesson, as much as I don’t want to be going through it, as painful as it may be, as much as I would like it to go away, I needed this lesson and for me, because I am so hard headed, I need them a few times!

So why was I praying for it to easier? Because we all want our lives to be easier, wouldn’t that be nce? Yes, of course it would but what would that teach you? I believe everything in life teaches you a lesson.

So what would being easy teach you? To be soft, to not learn a lesson, to not be able to handle a life crisis…

Look, I am not saying I could get through all that life keeps throwing at me without God because I know I cannot. What I ask from him now is strength, his strength to know that no matter what I am going through, with him it will be okay. I ask him for faith, to know even though I don’t know what is coming, I will trust him, to care for me. I ask him for gratitude so that I may be able to see all that he has already done for me and know all that he will continue to do for me. I know I will get through it all, I will be able to learn my lesson and know that this too shall pass.

I’ve learned that I am a surviver, that even when I slip and fall, he is there for me. I know that I need to believe even when I can’t see it, even in my darkest hours, I have strength, his strength to keep going.

So today my friends, don’t ask for life to be easy, it is in the trails and turbulence in life, that you learn how much strength you truly have, that your faith grows and that you realize what your made out of….No, don’t ask for it to be easier, today ask for the strength to deal with whatever life has to throw at you.

“Be the change you want to see”

***Now available***

My book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

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The steps to change your life

The steps to change your life

 

I have been taking alot about changing your life and today I will tell you what you need to do that.

 

1- The first step is to be sick and tired…

 

Sick and tired you ask? What does that have to do with changing?

When you are sick and tired of something you will do just about anything to change your situation.

Sick and tired of your weight? Your job? Your relationship? Good! That means you want something to change.

 

2- Now you need to change your mind…

 

Change the way you think about yourself, about what others may say about you, your not the victim, your the survivor. You mind is the most powerful tool you have, use it!

 

Tell yourself you can do this, every single day. I use to put a sticky note in my car that said I love me and every day I would say it, out loud because I didn’t love myself, I had lost myself and I needed to find her again so I said it everyday until I started to believe it.

 

3.Start reading, watch Youtube, make a vision board, speak your intentions out in the universe…

 

Do things to get your mind working in the direction you want to go. If your looking to lose weight post pictures of what you want to look like, read about how others got there. This goes with anything you want to change, you have to start with your mindset first.

 

4- Start hanging out with like minded people…

 

People will help and encourage you.

This change is hard enough without you surrounding yourself with negative people saying you can’t do this… find just one friend, get a mentor, go to a meeting but find someone who will lift you when it seems like you can’t go on.

 

5- Use the 30 day rule…

 

They say you can pick up or drop a habit in 30 days..

Use a calendar mark off the days, keep doing the above for 30 days and by the end of those days you will have a new habit, a new mind, a new you!

 

6- Don’t be so hard on yourself…

 

This one gets alot of people every time, your on a diet and you cheat so you think the whole diet is down the drain. No, you fell down, okay, it happens get back up, start over, failing gives you character, it lets you find your inner strength.

 

We are not perfect why do we act like we should be and why are we so afraid of our mistakes? They teach us lessons, make us stronger, they give us a testimony of perseverance. Rejoice in your failures because you are becoming stronger because of them!

 

7. Stop thinking it will happen overnight….

 

Did you gain that weight overnight? No! Did he treat you like crap overnight?  No! So, it’s not going to magically change overnight, give it time.

 

I admit this one is a hard one for me, I want it and I want it now!  But newsflash! It’s not going to happen like that, so know that upfront and when it takes way, way, way….did I say way…longer than you thought, you will be expecting it, even if your not liking it.

 

8- Keep your eyes on the prize….

 

You want this…you can feel it…being free…losing weight… a new job with a big office, you have envisioned it, you read, you did your homework, you put it out there, you got support, you did everything you were suppose to do, now keep your eyes on the prize.

 

Even when it gets tough, even when you don’t think it is possible, even when no one else believes in you, even when you slip and fall again and again, keep looking at that finish line it is rightthere…just a little bit more… you can and will hold on….see it? See it? Yes, close your eyes, see it now? You got this!

 

So today my friends, these are the steps for you to change your life…how do I know? Because these are the steps I used to change everything in my life…

 

To forgive, to overcome drugs and alcohol, to get out of a horrible abusive marriage, my constant past mistakes in picking losers, to start over with a new home, a new business but most importantly a new me…I did it, you can do it…start today you already got step one covered, keep stepping into your new life.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

***Now available***

My book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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Your so vain you probably think this blog is about you

Your so vain, you probably think this blog is about you.

 

I write this blog every day,

5 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 52 weeks a year for the last 5 years. I write about all kinds of things, mostly my life and experiences but sometimes about what I hear from others and their lives.

 

Sometimes I mixed the two together, I never call anyone out (Okay, besides Mr.Con Artist, who needed to be called out, as it was a public service announcement for women)

 

But if you truly know me, I am pretty sure you know who I am talking about in my writing.

 

Yet all the time people ask me if this blog or that blog was about them, my bestie laughs and tells me maybe they feel like they are getting called out, maybe they feel guilty and in the case of Mr.Con Artist blogs, maybe I hit a nerve with them about an issue that they don’t want to deal with (That one was about cheating and getting caught )

 

Most of the time I combined my story with other’s stories but always my intent is to never call someone out but to try to inform or inspire you to look at things from a different point of view.

 

No matter what happens to me, I always look for the lesson in it, I now realize that there is always a lesson to be learned and I want to share the lessons I’ve learned with my readers.

 

I have never been mean spirited and I have never put anyone down, I just point out the facts.

I am not afraid to laugh at myself or put out my deepest, darkest fears or my failures, in order to show others that you can always overcome whatever life throws at you.

 

I don’t care what people say about me, I am an open book, there are no skeletons in my closet, they all fell out 5 years ago when I started writing this blog, here I am warts and all.

 

So to all of you that are so vain and think that this blog is about you…..

remember if I hit a nerve, there must be a reason for it…is it that I am speaking the truth? Is it that it’s about your skeletons in your closet? Maybe it’s time to clean out your closets, maybe you haven’t been learning the lessons you need to.

Or maybe…just maybe…. this blog is, about you….

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

 

Www.treadmilltreats.com

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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My amazing male friends

My amazing male friends

 

I always say I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends in my life. Growing up as a only child, my friends were the family I chose for myself and all these years later, they are still in my life.

 

Yesterday I wrote a blog about the difference between a good man and a bad man and since I have so many great guy friends, I figured who better to go to, to get it straight from the horse’s mouth.

 

Recently I needed advice and even though I love my girlfriends, I needed a male point of view, so I reached out to my guy friends.

 

My girlfriends have my back, they are my cheerleaders, they pump me up and they make me feel better.

But the one thing I love about my guy friends is that they don’t hold back, they are not putting a rose color spin on anything, they are straight to the point, no hold bar, like it or not, they are giving it to you straight.

 

So when I presented a question to them I knew I’d get some real answers, directly from a male point of view.

 

My question was if they were dating a women and they were trying to get together to spend time with her and they suddenly had a client drop off their schedule what would they do?

Or if they somehow got a free hotel room in a nice hotel, what would be the first thing they would do?

 

Overwhelming the answer from all of them was, they would immediately call her up and ask her to hang out, set up a romantic night to be with her, do anything they could to be with her.

See, they went on to say if a man is really into a women they will do all it takes to spend time with her.

 

Yes, they would drive 5 hours to spend one hour in her company. They would lose sleep, call out of work, stay up all night talking to her. They would call and text her every day to let her know that they were interested and to let her know how much she meant to them.

 

They would never ghost her, never play games or leave her wondering where she stood.They would volunteer their services, a ride or their help before she even finished her story to them.

 

They told me men are hunters and they will go after a women with all they have if they are into her, there would be no second guessing about their feelings towards her.

 

If they did something that bothered her, they would set it right immediately, they would sit down and listen to what she had to say and not try to place the blame on her.

 

Are you listening my queens? This is some serious gold from the mouth of real men and let me tell you not just one man, as I always want to have a majority of answers to make up my mind.

 

No, my queens this was from many of my male friends, the same answer over and over again.

This was exactly what I wrote about yesterday, these my queens…are what good men look like.

 

I should know this as I grew up with 3 of the most amazing men in my life, my father, my step father and a close family friend and yet somehow I continue to pick losers, men that could never shine these men’s shoes.

 

But I am learning, I am continuing to find my self worth again, to know I am worthy of better treatment and to know when to walk away. I am here to walk this path and to be able to help my queens out there, walk better in theirs.

 

We all know what is right, when we feel short changed, when a man is interested in us and when we are doing the chasing.

If we are the ones always calling or texting, if we are always trying to set up dates to meet, if we are constantly letting them come over at midnight, just bringing their dicks to the table. Hello!! We already know this, yet somehow we continue to allow this behavior to take place.

 

This is why I love my guy friends because they will tell me what I obviously don’t see or feel sometimes, they will tell me how much I am worth, how much they would be willing to do for a women like me.

 

That any man would be blessed to call me their own and that I should never accept anything less, than a great man because I deserve it …we deserve it, we are all beautiful, smart, hardworking, amazing women and we need to see this, to know this and not let this type of man, who is not willing to stand up for us, go. You gotta go!

 

My purpose in life is to lift people up, to show you through my mistakes and hardships to never quit, to keep learning, keep growing and to know your worth.

 

So today my queens, today my wonderful friends, listen to your friends, don’t accept crumbs of his time, don’t let him make you feel like it’s your fault, don’t let him turn this around on you, if he really wanted to be with you, as my amazing guy friends all have said….

he would move mountains to be there.

Accept nothing less because you are worth it.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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The differnce between a good man and a bad man

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

 

The difference between a good man and a bad man

 

During this month, Domestic Violence Awareness month, I am writing a series of blogs on watching for the red flags and knowing our self-worth and so I figured this would be a perfect topic to talk about today.

 

A good man versus a bad man, some of us don’t even know the difference anymore, we get so caught up in them or maybe we just so desperately want to be with someone that we don’t see the flags or we ignore them because as I have learned there are always red flags.

 

Somehow in our minds we blur the difference, we keep letting these men get away with things things that as Queens, we should never have to put up with.

 

See I know all about this subject as I am the queen of picking the wrong man.

I often wonder why is it that we keep picking the same type of men, the narcissistic man? The same controlling, passive aggressive man, the same jealous man over and over?

 

Men who’s their feelings olny matter, men who only care about themselves or their best interests.

So today I will give you examples of the difference:

 

The difference between a good man and a bad one is that when your best friend dies, a bad man doesn’t have it in him or doesn’t care enough to come and to be there to hold you through your pain, a good man would be there before you hung up the phone, no matter if he just worked a double.

 

A good man would offer to help you, pick you up, to be there in your time of need, bad man wants you to ask, and will only do so, if you do ask.

 

A good man that had an hour free if a client cancel would call you because that would be an hour more that he would be able to be in your company.

In a bad one’s mind you wouldn’t ever be a thought.

He wouldn’t want to spend that time with you because you’re not on his mind as much as he’s on yours.

 

A good man would text you through out the day because your on his mind and he wants you to know this. A bad one waits for you to reach out to him even after you tell him it bothers you that you seem to always do this.

 

A good man would drive 5 hours just to see you for one, a bad one doesn’t see you as valuable enough to his time or his schedule to put you on it, see him driving 5 hours to see you for one hour would never happen with this man, unless of course it’s for the booty. Come on let’s keep it real here!

 

Ladies trust me when I tell you, men like these, it’s all about them, what’s good for them and what will benefit them.

 

Yes, they will string you a long, tell you what you want to hear as long as it benefits them, as long as they are getting what they want out of it, as long as they don’t have to put that much time and effort into it.

 

I’ve actually had a man once tell me he didn’t have the time to read what I wrote to him about what I was feeling….Really you have the time for a bootycall but not the time to know why I am hurting because of the things you’ve done?

I did tell you about the men I pick ladies? But you still seem to want my advice. My advice? Don’t do anything I do!

 

Signs ladies!! These are signs, when he tells you he is a narcissist, when he tells you nothing comes before his work, when he tells you he is self centered, for God’s sake believe him! He knows himself better than we will ever know him.

These are the red flags, these are your warning signs to run, no matter how amazing the sex is, don’t let that suck you in, because eventually sex alone will not be enough.

 

So this is the question I ask myself and my queens all the time, why we can’t understand the signs? Why do we make excuses, poo poo them away? Why do we not think we are of value?

That we are worthy of better treatment, that we should always be front and center in a man’s mind. Hello… we obviously don’t mean that much to them because if we did, we would be front and center in that man’s mind always!

 

Maybe it’s the whole generation of texting where people’s emotions don’t come into play because you don’t hear them and it doesn’t come across or it gets misintrude through texting. Maybe it’s easier to do things through text, say things, that you would never have the nerve to say in person.

Whatever it is, we need to go back to the old days where we sit down and talk, when we tell them this is what I want, this is what I expect and if you chose to ignore my needs, I am kicking you to the curb.

I am done being an afterthought

(Read that blog, that was a great one!)

 

You will always be front and center in a man’s life and if your not, your outta there!

 

So today my queens, know your worth, know how valuable you truly are and if this man can’t or won’t treat you as such, trust me another man will. Don’t discount yourself for great sex, for once in a while crumbs of their time, for being last on their list, last on their minds.

 

You are worthy so much more and one day a good man will come and he will show you all the things you have been missing with these bad men.

Wait for your king…dont get caught up with these “Fuck boys” as my favorite Youtuber Derrick Jaxn always says.

 

You are worth it…I am worth it, we queens… are all worth it, don’t sell yourself short.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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The Lord will fight your battles

Treadmill Treats Monday Message

 

The Lord will fight your battles

 

There are so many bible verses that tell you this, how we should not be afraid, how we need to trust in him, how we need to keep the faith.

 

“Do not be afraid of them, the Lord himself will fight for you”

 

“The Lord is your Shepard, you lack for nothing”

 

“Do not let your hearts be troubled”

 

I am here to tell you that  miracles happen when you believe…

There is nothing to large or no dream to big that he cannot do.

But here’s the thing, we have to believe, we have to agree with the leadership of the house, we have to surround ourselves with other believers, we have to have faith.

 

There are other things we also must do, we have to work it, we have to do things, we need to take action because faith without works is dead.

 

The challenge is to see and look at it in an uncommon way, even when we can’t see the big picture, even when it seems too overwhelming, we need to know and believe in the outcome.

 

When people come in agreement with the expectation of a miracle from God, things happen,when the people believed, when they had the right perception, things happen.

 

Even in the mist of the nay sayers, even when the perception of others say it couldn’t happen, even when they make jokes and they didn’t believe, you still did.

 

Peter had the right perception of the miracle of God. He knew what was to come, he knew what Jesus could do, he didn’t doubt.

 

We have to turn to the elders, to the pastors, that have that type of faith, they believe more than you believe, they are there to give you hope, to help you go on.

 

You need to be around people with great faith, you need to work and be with the leaders who have great faith, so they can build up your faith as well.

 

You need to tell the haters, the people in your life who say you can’t do it, tell them I am the child of the most high God, he will keep me and bless me. Don’t you know the miracles he has done? If he’s did it before, he will do again…

 

You got what it takes!

God knows what you are made of…with every pain there is a purpose…

You must focus more on God getting the glory then you getting relief.

 

He knows your gifts and your calling, he knows your purpose, God made you…you need to remember….

“Eyes haven’t seen…ears haven’t heard all that he’s planned for you”

You need to keep the right perception!

 

Even when everything around you looks crazy, when things are coming at you, when you feel like you can’t survive, you must know, you must believe all that God has for you, you must work in the way God sees you… because your more than a conquer, you my friend are an overcomer….You have to believe….

 

It’s all about your perception…

“Greater works you shall do more than I”

 

This is the time to perceive God and leadership…

It’s time to produce… faith, trust and the knowledge that when you do all of that, God will take care of you, he will fight all of your battles.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

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Live like you were dying

Tgif Treadmill Treats

 

Live your life like your living

 

One of my favorite songs is Live like you were dying by Tim McGraw, that is how I chose to live my life every day….like it’s my last day here…because you never know it very well might be.

 

Here’s the thing, you don’t have to live your life like your dying,  you don’t have to go around saying “Oh poor me, that can’t happen to me, I have been cursed all my life”

 

Maybe It’s because your not taking the steps, maybe it’s because your procrastinating, maybe it’s your actions or what your speaking into the atmosphere that is effecting you.

 

If you tell a child every day from the time they were born that they are stupid that child will grow up believing that they are stupid. The same thing is happening in your mind, you might have been brought up with someone saying that and you believe it, so you think you are  doomed.

 

You think you will never amount to anything because someone once said that and now that has become your mantra. You blame everything on your childhood, you are constantly putting it out there….if it wasn’t because my parents were drunks, my dad abandoned us, we were poor, you were molested……insert your sob story here.

 

You are your own worst enemy, you are blocking your own blessings, you have told yourself this so many times you actually believe it and guess what you are now fulfilling your own prophecy.

 

Your mind is an incredible tool, it can make you do things you never thought you could. It has let people survive unimaginable acts, the worst of times, things that might have otherwise killed them, but their minds made them believe they could survive and they did.

 

You can change, you have the control over your own mind, you can either believe your a loser or you can tell yourself each and every day your a winner, you are someone, you will show them.

It is up to you, what you are putting out there and what you believe.

 

So today my friends, remember it’s your life, live it like you are dying or choice to live it like your living it to the fullest.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

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October is National domestic violence month

Hump day Treadmill Treats

 

October is Domestic Violence month

 

This is a subject that is near and dear to my heart, most of you that follow me know my story, as it is the reason I write this blog, to inspire others who were in the same situation I was trapped in for so many years.

 

I am brutally honest about my life because I want you to know life is not going to be perfect, that all your problems will not magically disappear when you finally decide to leave your situation.

 

Whether you’re in a verbally or physically abuisve relationship, I am here to tell you there is hope, you can leave, you will find peace and joy, you will eventually find your self worth and I swear to you… you will wished you would have left years before.

 

I know what you are going through, I know your afraid, he’s taken care of all the bills, your dependant on him, you have kids, how are you going to do this all on your own?

Or your like me, you come from a poor background,  and now your living this big life, big vacations, toys, designer clothes, fancy cars..how can you go back to being poor?

 

You doubt everything about your self, you believe his cruel words, he says to you every day…your stupid, your worthless, you’ll never make it without him…

 

You walk around on eggshells, you think about every word you say before you say it, so that you don’t “set” him off. You can’t have friends, he makes you cut off family that might put something in your ear….

 

He criticizes everything about you that he said he fell in love with…your weight, your cooking, your cleaning, even your mothering skills, you can do nothing right in his eyes and no matter how how you try to become “perfect” for him again, you will never achieve it, because there will always be something else he will complain about.

 

It’s a facade of a perfect family, everyone envys you, what a great guy you have, look at your perfect life…yet every night you cry yourself to sleep, every morning you cry because you have woken up and have to endure another day with this person.

 

You are living in hell, you hate your life, you don’t even know who you are anymore when you look in the mirror, you wonder where that beautiful, smart, independent women went and why were you left with just a shell of her? How did this happen?

 

Yes, I know your struggles, I feel your pain, I’ve cried your tears….I’ve been you…

The only difference between me and you, is that I speak about it to the world. I chose to bear my soul to let others know it can change, you need to step out of your fear…you need to find your self worth, you need to know it won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

 

There is nothing and I mean nothing, like waking up smiling every morning and being truly grateful for being free, so much so, it brings you to tears. That when you come home at night and there is peace in your home, you can feel the joy, literally.

 

To know you’ve done this on your own, you did all he said you couldn’t achieve, you are not just surviving, your living a life that no money could ever buy, that my friends is a priceless feeling.

 

So today my friends remember…I know your pain, I’ve walked in your shoes and I am here to tell you, you can do this, I believe in you…

There is nothing you cannot change if you set your mind to it. You got this, reach out, find a group, speak to friends, make a plan, stop letting fear and him control YOUR life, you got this…

 

There is an amazing life out there waiting for you…more amazing than you could even dream and it’s just waiting for you…

 

Stay tuned to my upcoming blogs about how to do this, places for help and other tips to help you grow and get you ready to live your best life.

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

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Me too…..campaign

Me too…campaign

 

Recently Facebook has had a campaign for women against violence, for the month of October, which is National domestic violence month.

 

Any woman that has been sexual harassed or has been abused sexually, physically, or mentally by a man, they wanted you to change your status to say “Me too”

 

As I changed my stautus, I have to tell you I was shocked about how many women put that on their status, women that I would have never dreamed that were abused, put that on their status.

 

This is why I speak about this all the time, as it is near and dear to my heart, being not only a women in a verbally abusive marriage but as a rape surivior as well.

 

It’s because you never know who out there is being abused, it doesn’t matter if they have a college degree, it doesn’t matter if they come from a upper-middle-class family, it doesn’t matter if they’re Street Smart or savy, any woman, anytime, anywhere, from any background, of any religion, of any color, can be abused.

 

You can be sexual harassed at work by your boss or co worker, you need the job so you put up with their comments.

You can be sexual molested by family, by family friends, by people you looked up to and trusted.You can be raped by someone you know like I was or a stranger or like so many of the millions of women out there you can be in a verbally or physically abuisve relationship.

 

All of these are crimes against women, where men think this kind of behavior is okay or acceptable. Well hell it’s obviously okay for our president to do it!

 

In the case of verbal abusive, I have been asked over and over “You were a smart, independent women, how could this happen to you?”

 

The main reason that it happens is, that it doesn’t present itself like what it truly is, in the beginning. This goes for any of the predators, from above, they know what they are doing and they are good at it.

 

No, see he is a charmer, he’s sweet, maybe the most romantic man you ever met. It’s when he gets you to trust him, to fall in love with him, when little by little he starts saying something, making little comments, then he will apologize, send flowers, swear he loves you more than anyone else has.

 

You forgive him, until the next time, it doesn’t happen over night. He’s waiting you out, making you more and more dependent on him, telling you he doesn’t like your friends, your family is too bossy or nosey, they don’t know what you two have.

 

See it goes on for as long as it does because a lot of us don’t feel worthy, we may have started out feeling worthy in a relationship but somehow little by little the person that you’re with breaks you down, one word at a time, one fight at a time, one comment at a time until you realize you don’t even know who you are anymore and you’re believing all that they say about you.

 

Yes, it’s a slow tedious process but they’re willing to wait it out, they know that once they do, they’ll have you under total control. You’ll believe anything they have to say, they will actually even get you to start agreeing with them.

 

They could start a fight with you and you’ll end up saying your sorry, this is how much control they’ll eventually get from you.

 

Why is this so shocking? Because you never know what happens in a person’s life, you never know what they’re hiding behind that smile.You’ll never know how their heart is breaking, every single day because they only show you what they want you to see.

 

You see the big house, the fancy lifestyle, the image they are portraying to the world. I can’t tell you how many people said to me “Oh, you have the perfect family” when actually we were a dysfunctional mess.

 

This is the problem with us in this world today, we don’t show emotions, because  emotions are scary things. Everyone wants to be the strong one, everyone wants to show the world who they think they should be and not who they truly are, because the truth is, we are all broken, we all hurt, we have all been used and abused.

 

But the one thing about all of that is, that these things that happened to us aren’t who we are, they don’t define who we are unless you let them, they are just lessons that we learn.

 

Lessons that we teach the next generation, that we use to help to uplift others in the same situation, so that they know that know this isn’t going to break them, that this is just a test for your testimony.

 

This is not going to be the end, this is just a start of a different beginning but you must know your worth, you must find the strenght, turn to family, to friends, go get counseling, go to a church, pray, join a support group, call a hotline…there are so many outlets out there.

 

Talk to others, let’s start the conversations, now that this has opened the door, reach out to others, let them know you know the pain, maybe they are waiting to tell someone and this was the first step.

 

You might be the gift they are praying for, this might change our views on domestic violence, on sexual harassment, on sexual abuse against women everywhere, this might be our stance on stopping this.

 

You may be the next Rosa Parks, you have a voice, you have worth, you are smart, beautiful, caring, independent women, speak up, tell someone, be the whistle blower, don’t settle, don’t stay when you see the warning signs, they will just get worst.

 

So today my friends, I am so glad for this campaign, to start this dialogue between us, to stand together, to lift each other up, to give love and support to those who say “Me too”

 

“Be the change you want to see”

 

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

 

***Now available***

My book “The blessing in Disguise”

Selling on my website:

 

Home

 

And on Amazon.com

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

 

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

 

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