Stuck on stupid

Stuck on Stupid

I’ve been hearing this a lot lately from bunch of my readers and girlfriends, that we all seem to be stuck on stupid.

What I mean by that is we have been hurt, used and  abused. We have been an afterthought, we have been ghosted, cheated on, lied to and yet when a good man comes along we can’t see him for what he’s worth because we’re still stuck on stupid.

Even though in our heads we know what stupid looks like, we know what stupid sounds like, we remember what stupid did and even if we are learning to know  our value, for some reason our hearts does not see any of that.

Our heart keeps telling us how much we miss them, how things remind us of them, how maybe there might be another chance… It’s almost like there’s two people in your body, the one person with the brain telling you
“Are you joking? Do not remember what this man did to you? Remember how many times you cried because of him, you do you know that he’s going to hurt you yet again because he’s proven that to you over and over”

And then here’s this other person living in la-la land saying “oh he might have change…oh but don’t you remember how wonderful it was? Remember when he told you this or that…  you’re beautiful or he wanted to spend 50 years with you, remember all the times you laid in bed and talked for hours or all the good times you shared together” And you think wasn’t that good?

How many of us have men who are willing to step up, who do the right things, who say the right things, who text you every morning just to say good morning or good night and sweet dreams?
Men who are willing to step up yet we are still stuck on stupid?

Too many, as I am finding out lately..way too many… yet we still do this…
I know I am not alone on this stupid train and I still wonder why we do this? Why we keep thinking of them, why when we run into them it’s like a punch in the gut, like all the air is sucked out of you and your standing there gasping even when your head is saying run, your heart won’t let you…

When you think your good, when you’ve thought you’ve moved on, when your heart is starting to heal and BAM! Here he is yet again ripping that newly healed scab off.

Yes, we have heard it all from friends and family, he’s no good, move on, you deserve better, he’s an asshole….yes, we know all of that…believe us we’ve cried too many tears for that man and lost too many nights sleep over him, this is nothing new…we know…we get it…
Now we are just trying to tell our hearts this, to recognize this fact.

It is a day by day process, we need to dig deep and try to figure out why we think it’s okay to keep being treated like this, maybe it’s that we are being rejected and we are trying to get them at all costs, maybe we have issues, like me of trying to win love like I’ve always done, starting with my grandma, to my best friend, to my ex husband, patterns I keep repeating in my life.
Maybe it’s low self esteem, you don’t think your worthy or no one else will come and so you settle, whatever the reason we need to address it and we need to fix it, because being stuck on stupid is not an option anymore.

I did not stay in a loveless, abuisve marriage for 24 years to be treated bad yet again now that I am free.

I am human, I am learning and growing each and every day and I know my worth and what I want from my next relationship, I want it all, I expect it all…why? Because I give my all that’s why and I expect the same in return. So this time I will not settle no matter what my heart is saying, I am going to be Judge Judy and overrule that shit!

So too all my queens out there, remember we are all learning and growing together, it’s okay if we slip and fall sometimes, as long as we pick ourselves up and know what we have to continue to strive for and it’s surly not being stuck on stupid!

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

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