I am looking for Mr. Healthy
Being single in today’s world is a trip! Years ago when we were kids the most important thing was “Is he cute?” Then as we became teenagers it was “Was he cute and could he afford to buy us a slice of pizza?” (Hey, I’m from New York, pizza was important!)
As you got a little older it was “Was he cute and does he have a car?”
As we got into college it became about “Was he cute and which parties could he get you into”
After college things started to change, we started not to worry so much about cute but about would he be a good provider and would he be a good dad, could we count on him for stability.
Sometimes some of us made the right decision, some times not so much.
I based my marriage on that and yes, he was a good provider but a lousy husband.
In this faze of our lives when so many of us may have chose wrong so many times in the past, we are now questioning ourselves and the choices we made.
We awoke one morning to say “Is this all there is? What is my purpose?”
And so we go on a spiritual journey to find ourselves, some of us, like myself, read books, went to classes, got into meditation, yoga, the gym and start really looking deep inside ourselves to find what we want, what we needed and to find out, who we truly are.
The journey has taken me six years, two years before being separated and four years after to find me. It took time to like myself again, to be healthy and to be healed from all the hurt I endured during my twenty four years of a abusive marriage.
It was only after that, when I knew I was ready to date, I knew who I was, what I needed and what is a deal breaker.
I need healthy, someone who went through his own journey, is whole and all together, I am not looking for perfect as I am far from that myself, but there are things I want.
I want someone that doesn’t party all the time, that believes in God and goes to church, that thinks their body is their temple and works to keep it healthy, that has a kind heart and soul.
It’s not all about the looks anymore (okay, see it’s not on the top of the list anymore)
It’s not about the money (been that done that, wasn’t happy even with lots of money)
Its not about the places they can take you or things they can buy you.
No, its about are they healthy mentally and physically? Did they do the work to get there and know how hard the journey was to get to this place of peace and joy?
I know where I am at and this time I will not settle.
I’ve been through too much and learned too much along the way to settle for unhealthy. I am not here to fix someone else, they need to have fixed themselves.
I have made many mistakes in the past, I ignored the warning signs and went ahead with men I shouldn’t have. I had my heart broken and then jumped into other relationships to try to get over my heartbreak (By the way, it doesn’t work, you just end up picking worst men because your head is so fucked up)
But each time, with each man, I have learned valuable lessons from what I would put up with and what I won’t.
This year I decided to be a new me, to know my worth and to know what I will put up with and in the words of my dear friend Marc,
“You need to bring more to the table than just your dick”
Because I know what I bring to the table, so either step up or step out.
So today my friends, find out who you are, did you put in your own work, are you healthy and whole?
Then ask yourself, if so then why are you settling?
You’ve done the work, don’t you deserve the prize? If you don’t think you do, then there is more work you need to do.
“Be the change you want to see”
“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”
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