The same mistakes
We have all ask ourselves why do we keep doing the same dumb mistakes over and over? Why do we keep setting ourselves up for heart brake? Why do we not value ourselves enough to say no, to say you will not treat me like that anymore, I deserve better, you are not enough for what I have to offer.
Is it that we are such believers in love, in happily ever after that we are willing to settle for less than?
Sometimes it makes me cry when I see couples or watch tv shows with people who are in love because I think, will I ever have that?
I know it feels like we have been deprived of love for so long that our heart aches for that kind of love. So much so, that we keep allowing men or women into our lives that have nothing to offer just so we can have someone.
Maybe for me it was because for so many years I heard I was nothing, that no one else would want me? Was it because I was so beaten down, that I had given up on finding someone worthy? Is it, that deep down I am still believing his words, that I am not worthy.
Or maybe it was because of my grandmother, who withheld love from me whenever I did something she redeemed “bad” as a young child of 5 or 6.
I would try to do anything to make her love me again, I did nothing wrong but yet I would beg for her forgiveness. Was it this sick pattern of trying to win someone’s love that brought me to this place?
This is what I learned, that even when someone mistreats you, you keep trying to make it work, to make them love you.
I don’t know what the answers are, why I the way I am and maybe you don’t know the answers either but we know it’s not working, we know it never worked and that no matter what, we need to change. Otherwise it will continue to perpetuate this abuisve cycle we have been living in.
Yes, this is hard to admit, I get it, but not only am I admitting this, I am putting this out there for the world to see, so if I can do this, you can too.
In order to change like I have learned in the program, you first have to admit your mistakes, you have to own what you did, you have to ask for forgiveness and you have to relearn another way to deal with your issues to get into and stay in a new life.
So here I am….open, honest, raw, broken, beatened and bleeding, to try to change this about myself, to help others see themselves in me and I will not be shamed or embarrassed because we have all made these mistakes.
We have to be willing to dig deep, to find out where these patterns come from and then to figure out how to change them in order to grow and change. In order to be better, to be healthier, in order to find what we truly deserve and not just settle for the same hurt and pain we are conditioned to.
So today my friends remember you are worthy, you deserve to be treated with respect, by someone who loves you for you, flaws and all. Someone who will not try to change you, belittle you or hurt you. But first we must all start at forgiving ourselves for our past mistakes, learning the lessons we need to learn and then making the changes to move on and to not make the same mistakes we done in the past.
“Be the change you want to see”
“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”
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