The same miatakes

The same mistakes

We have all ask ourselves why do we keep doing the same dumb mistakes over and over? Why do we keep setting ourselves up for heart brake? Why do we not value ourselves enough to say no, to say you will not treat me like that anymore, I deserve better, you are not enough for what I have to offer.

Is it that we are such  believers in love, in happily ever after that we are willing to settle for less than?
Sometimes it makes me cry when I see couples or watch tv shows with people who are in love because I think, will I ever have that?

I know it feels like we have been deprived of love for so long that our heart aches for that kind of love. So much so, that we keep allowing men or women into our lives that have nothing to offer just so we can have someone.

Maybe for me it was because for so many years I heard I was nothing, that no one else would want me? Was it because I was so beaten down, that I had given up on finding someone worthy? Is it, that deep down I am still believing his words, that I am not worthy.

Or maybe it was because of my grandmother, who withheld love from me whenever I did something she redeemed “bad” as a young child of 5 or 6.
I would try to do anything to make her love me again, I did nothing wrong but yet I would beg for her forgiveness. Was it this sick pattern of trying to win someone’s love that brought me to this place?
This is what I learned, that even when someone mistreats you, you keep trying to make it work, to make them love you.

I don’t know what the answers are, why I the way I am and maybe you don’t know the answers either but we know it’s not working, we know it never worked and that no matter what, we need to change. Otherwise it will continue to perpetuate this abuisve cycle we have been living in.

Yes, this is hard to admit, I get it, but not only am I admitting this, I am putting this out there for the world to see, so if I can do this, you can too.

In order to change like I have learned in the program, you first have to admit your mistakes, you have to own what you did, you have to ask for forgiveness and you have to relearn another way to deal with your issues to get into and stay in a new life.

So here I am….open, honest, raw, broken, beatened and bleeding, to try to change this about myself, to help others see themselves in me and I will not be shamed or embarrassed because we have all made these mistakes.

We have to be willing to dig deep, to find out where these patterns come from and then to figure out how to change them in order to grow and change. In order to be better, to be healthier, in order to find what we truly deserve and not just settle for the same hurt and pain we are conditioned to.

So today my friends remember you are worthy, you deserve to be treated with respect, by someone who loves you for you, flaws and all. Someone who will not try to change you, belittle you or hurt you. But first we must all start at forgiving ourselves for our past mistakes, learning the lessons we need to learn and then making the changes to move on and to not make the same mistakes we done in the past.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Prevailing power of prayer

Prevailing power of Prayer

The problem today is that people dont pray, we don’t ask Gods advise on all aspects of our life’s, we only pray for things, we pray when we need help, but the rest of the time we think I got this, we think we don’t need to pray on all the other areas of our life.

You need to delvop prayer not only in your finances, in your home life, you need to delvop in your faith walk with God.
Never underestimate the power of prayer!

It makes you totally dependant on God, everyday you should get God involved in your daily decisions, when your not winning,.it’s because your not praying.
You have to pray the word of God but first you need to know the word of God.

Pray God will give you wisdom, to hold your tongue, to give you strength, even when you don’t know what to say and what to do, it is then you need to pray. It doesn’t matter that you don’t know what to say, God knows your heart, talk to him, like you would talk to your friends, in your car, at home, when you wake up or go to sleep. See I pray to him all day, I give thanks when I wake up, I give him thanks when I am driving home from the gym watching the sunrise, I give thanks while I am driving my car and a song comes on that reminds me if where I once I was and how far I have come with God’s grace and mercy.
I am in a state of gratefulness all the time, as I am so blessed to have him to turn to.
I know when I don’t have the answer to life challenges, that’s when I need to pray.

Say to God “I need your help, I need your wisdom” Whenever your confronted with a problem, that is when you need to pray.
Your stressed, you talk about it, you magnify the problem, some of you are talking about your problems to more people more than your talking to God.

You can get from God anything you ask for, when he comes first, when your in the will of God, you won’t worry.
I no longer stress, I no longer worry, I pray and I let God worry.
Even through these recent storms, money problems, problems with my daughter, car problems, computer issues, my identity stolen, issues with my ex husband, ex’s coming out of the woodwork, trying to slip me up, yet again. All I do is pray and let God worry.

Pray about your job, pray about your business, pray about your relationships, pray about a deal, pray about your money, pray about everything… then listen to God’s words.

Can you handle the frustration in your life? You can try to do this on your own or you can chose to pray and see the amazing things that God can and will do.

Do you feel anxious? Do you feel stressed? Do you feel like you can’t deal? Can’t breath?
Find happiness in God, delight yourself in God, learn to take pleasure in God, pray and have a gentle spirit…. you need to be gracious not selfish, not self centered. You need compassion, a kind heart, you need to love one another, no matter our differences, our sexual preferences, our religious beliefs or our political stands, we need to show love to one another.

See, your faith is weaken everytime you don’t pray.
I loved the story of the man who God told to go to the river to get healed,
he was at the right place, at the right time, but with the wrong attitude, for 38 years, he kept missing his God miracle because of his attitude, yet he was so close.
You determine how quick your miracle will happen by how quick you respond to God’s word.

There are 5 types of prayers you need to pray:

5 types of prayer

1- If anyone amongst you are in trouble…pray.
2- Pray the prayer for the sick.
3- Pray the prayer of faith.
4- Pray the prayer of confession.
5- Pray the prayer of righteousness.

When you pray and God speaks to you, you can take that to the bank, don’t think just because you hear a no that will be it, but if you pray and if you have faith, God will turn your no’s into a yes.

I remember when I started this business, I tried to get with Groupon and Living Social, they turned me down, time and time again and so I prayed, I sowed a seed and I put a demand on it. I told God if this was what he wanted me to do let one of them call me and accept me and the next day after months of hearing no, they said yes!

Know who’s you are, you are the child of the most high God, start praying and stop talking, listen, pray, have faith, work the word, pray and see things change.
Prayer will Prevail in your life, if you start praying today.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Lost in my thoughts

Lost in my thoughts

As I sit here watching the sun go down over the horizon, listening to the waves and the birds as they fly by, my toes in the sand and the wind in my hair, I feel like I am connected to the universe.
I feel like I am one with God and that all my problems are washed away with the waves.
I can breathe, I am whole and the only thing I am thinking of is how grateful I am to be alive.

I am grateful I am healthy enough to walk on this beach, to hear the birds, to see the sunset, to feel peace because I know there could be another way, there was another way for so many years.

I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, to hit rock bottom and think you will never see the sun again.
I know what stress, worry and anguish feels like. Waking up so many mornings wishing I didn’t wake up, not liking myself or my life.

See I know where I’ve came from, so being in this place now, I appreciate it all, every little thing, I live in the moment, I enjoy life and live it large.

Yes, I take every opportunity to travel, to spend time with loved ones, to laugh often. I no longer let the stress of life consume me, yes, I still feel overwhelmed at times, I am human, but I can switch it off, I can come here and know what’s really important in my life.

To give thanks to God for all he’s done and continues to do in my life. To apologize and forgive others, to tell people I love them, to lift up others, to help a friend in need, to see the good in others even when it is hard to find.

I am a changed person, I see life in a whole new perspective, like a person who died and came back to life, I now know how precious life is, how everything can change in a moment and it can all be over.

No matter how bad my problems seem, how much the storms are coming at, I know I will be okay.
I am that positive that tomorrow will bring a new day, that it will be another chance to change my life.

So today my friends remember, life is too short to let shit get to you, there is always going to stress, storms, disappointments and heart aches but it’s how you deal with them that will ultimately affect your life.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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I am looking for Mr.Heathly

I am looking for Mr. Healthy

Being single in today’s world is a trip! Years ago when we were kids the most important thing was “Is he cute?” Then as we became teenagers it was “Was he cute and could he afford to buy us a slice of pizza?” (Hey, I’m from New York, pizza was important!)

As you got a little older it was “Was he cute and does he have a car?”
As we got into college it became about “Was he cute and which parties could he get you into”

After college things started to change, we started not to worry so much about cute but about would he be a good provider and would he be a good dad, could we count on him for stability.

Sometimes some of us made the right decision, some times not so much.
I based my marriage on that and yes, he was a good provider but a lousy husband.

In this faze of our lives when so many of us may have chose wrong so many times in the past, we are now questioning ourselves and the choices we made.

We awoke one morning to say “Is this all there is? What is my purpose?”

And so we go on a spiritual journey to find ourselves, some of us, like myself, read books, went to classes, got into meditation, yoga, the gym and start really looking deep inside ourselves to find what we want, what we needed and to find out, who we truly are.

The journey has taken me six years, two years before being separated and four years after to find me. It took time to like myself again, to be healthy and to be healed from all the hurt I endured during my twenty four years of a abusive marriage.

It was only after that, when I knew I was ready to date, I knew who I was, what I needed and what is a deal breaker.
I need healthy, someone who went through his own journey, is whole and all together, I am not looking for perfect as I am far from that myself, but  there are things I want.

I want someone that doesn’t party all the time, that believes in God and goes to church, that thinks their body is their temple and works to keep it healthy, that has a kind heart and soul.
It’s not all about the looks anymore (okay, see it’s not on the top of the list anymore)

It’s not about the money (been that done that, wasn’t happy even with lots of money)
Its not about the places they can take you or things they can buy you.
No, its about are they healthy mentally and physically? Did they do the work to get there and know how hard the journey was to get to this place of peace and joy?

I know where I am at and this time I will not settle.
I’ve been through too much and learned too much along the way to settle for unhealthy. I am not here to fix someone else, they need to have fixed themselves.

I have made many mistakes in the past, I ignored the warning signs and went ahead with men I shouldn’t have. I had my heart broken and then jumped into other relationships to try to get over my heartbreak (By the way, it doesn’t work, you just end up picking worst men because your head is so fucked up)
But each time, with each man, I have learned valuable lessons from what I would put up with and what I won’t.

This year I decided to be a new me, to know my worth and to know what I will put up with and in the words of my dear friend Marc,
“You need to bring more to the table than just your dick”
Because I know what I bring to the table, so either step up or step out.

So today my friends, find out who you are, did you put in your own work, are you healthy and whole?

Then ask yourself, if so then why are you settling?
You’ve done the work, don’t you deserve the prize? If you don’t think you do, then there is more work you need to do.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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When you know better, you do better

 

When you know better you do better

When you know better, you do better is one of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou because it is so true and it goes for everything in your life.

When you are young and you date a man solely based on his looks or the car he drives, you think yeah that’s all I care about, he’s hot! Until you realize hot alone does not cut it, if he is as dumb as a rock and cant add unless he takes off his shoes, hot goes out the window.

Listening to your elders, oh that’s a big one, I remember telling my daughter one of the first times we were going to New York in the winter, that the “boots” she wanted me buy her were actually slippers. She turned to me and said “You don’t know what your talking about, all my friends have them”
I said “What the hell do your friends know, they live in Florida!”
But because she knew better than me I bought them and that “cute coat” that was a measly windbreaker at best.

I told her cute goes right out the window when your freezing your ass off! Needless to say it was 5 below zero and sleeting and her “boots” were soaken wet, her feet were frozen and she was shaking from the cold from her “coat” She was whining and crying that I needed to buy her new boots.

“Ha not me! I don’t know anything, besides you look cute isn’t that what you were going for, well you got it!” Do I have to tell you she ended up buying her own boots and she always packs warm now.

See how this saying works? When you are young, you put up with things like a lying, cheating spouse, a drunk, a gambler and now that you are a grown up, you know your worth and you know that you will rather be alone that be treated like that again.

You look back at your life, over some of the most truly stupid things you’ve done all while thinking, I got this, I am “grown”
Today you slap your head thinking what a idiot I was!

The worst comes when you have children and then you are truly winging it, you have no manual, you thought you knew what you would do and was very vocal about it as you watched others do it before you.

Ha! big difference when its your kid! Its like you watching a boxing match , yelling you suck, you should have gave him a jab, left uppercut, oh please didn’t you see that coming?

But what would actually  happen if you got in that ring? Would all your great advice still work for you? Oh hell no! you would be knocked out before the bell stopped dinging to start the fight! Get real!

You are going to screw it up and that’s okay, you are human it is bound to happen and guess what? when you know better you will do better.

So today my friends don’t be so hard on yourself,
its okay, you will screw up, you will fall on your face, Hell, I do it all the time and then tell the world about it.
You can certainly tell your best friend or your pastor or counselor, who ever it is. Talk about it, learn from it, let it go and know that when you know better you will do better!

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Life is like a football game

Life is like a football game

We all have a position to play in life, just like in a  football game, we are all playing in the game of life and we all have a position we need to play.

In football wide receivers are a offensive position and are key players in most games, they are fastest players on the field.

Just like in football we need to take a position in our faith, either your going to believe in God’s word or your going to doubt. It’s up to you which position you take.

Just like in yesterday’s Super bowl game, both teams want to win, we also want to win in life, and yes, winning is possible but it requires preparation just like these teams had to go through to get to the biggest game of the year,  we must also be prepared, we must also practice.

The apostle Paul said these things:

1. We are encourage to arm ourselves with the full protective gear.
What does that mean? We must read the word, go to church, shine our light.
Are you living your life in faith?

2.Wearing the full protective gear will protect us in battle.
Because the enemy is coming after you… you must be ready and armed with faith and knowledge.

3. Satan, our adversary is plotting every day to out play us.
He is putting doubt in your head…you will never do it…look how long you’ve been trusting and praying, where is your God?

See everyone has the potential to win in life, because you are a winner, you know how to fight, you’ve been to battle before, some of us have been there many times.

To win in life is to overcome every obstacle that life throws at you, you have to remember that you are not  a failure, you are a fighter. Life will hit you with some big blows but you still will overcome every one of them.

We need to realize that everybody has issues, everybody has problems,
everybody has fights going on in their lives. This is life, there is no getting away from that, it’s up to you on how you deal with them.

You need to getup every day, hold your head high, square you shoulders, act like you’ve already a winner, like you already won the battle.

Don’t you let your looks fool others, people rarely think I’ve been through what I have, because I don’t look like what I’ve been through, thank God.
That’s our problem, we don’t think others have had struggles, we see someone and assume that their ride has been easy.
Hello! We are subjected to disappointments, to failures, to knock downs, no body goes through life unscaved.

You have to learn how to fight back, to give God praise even through the storms, even when things are going wrong.
Whenever you are in position to get what God has to give to you, you are ready for his blessings.

The enemy doesn’t want you to win, he wants you to fumble so he can be in control of you, he wants to take over your mind, your soul and make you think you can’t win.

There are too many times when you want people to nurse you, to hear your sad story, you wallow in your own self pity.

But it says in the bible, cast all your cares on God… all your cares, then give him the praise!

So today my friends remember, this message is for everyone who been kicked, knocked down, who has been abusived, who thought you wouldn’t make it through, this is the  message is for you.

You are out there and yes, time may be running out but God will show up in your life, you need to give him the praise, get back up and get back in the game.

Yes, life is not easy, we all have struggles, we all have hardships
He’s sending what your eyes cannot see, what your ears have not heard…
As long as there is nothing coming your way, the devil will be standing on the sideline but the moment God has something for you the devil starts closing in on you, that is because  there’s a blessing coming your way
Catch what God is sending your way…
You never know what’s coming, so don’t get distracted.

Keep your eye on the prize but you got to be the wide receiver…
If you think it’s all over he will attract your emotions…but it’s not over
There’s 4 quarters…the game is not over…God’s not through with you!
Could it be the reason we fumble is because we not dressed right?

To catch what’s coming to you need to put on the helmet of salvation, you need to cover yourself with what your thinking, with what you speak, with your actions…
Yes you might get knocked down but you have to get back up.
Be wise, the holy spirit is about to throw you the biggest play of your life.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Why are you so petty?

Why are you so petty?

I always assumed that when you became an adult some things you did as a child would stop.
Things like name calling, back biting, “clicks” jealousy, and being petty.

But I realized it’s not about age but who you are or are not as a person.
Here we are at the half way point of our lives and some people are still acting like we are high school.

Why must you be so petty? Is it because your life didn’t turn out the way you expected it to? Are you trying to turn back the clock to a time when you were the “popular girls aka the mean girls” ?
Or is it that you can’t be genuinely happy for others successes? That your still holding on to grudges, that your not in control any more?

I say all of this because my ex husband had text me yesterday saying that he was filling his taxes before the deadline (there was no deadline) and that he was claiming my youngest.
Now since the divorce we take turns on who we claimed and last year I claimed the oldest but because she wasn’t in college yet I got screwed and got nothing. So this year was my turn to get this refund on the younger one but he went and did it before I could just to be petty and not let me get the refund.

Then he goes on to say that he’s claiming the big one as a dependent as well for his health insurance…wait please allow me to bend over so you can get a better shot of sticking it up my ass!

But he adds if he can’t claim the older one I could and he would pay me what he is losing so he can get cheaper health insurance, but it would benefit me….
Please tell me what you ever did that ever benefit me or our girls?

Wait maybe it was the time you said you would give me the money you made off the rental I was getting when we got divorced and then told me to go fuck myself, or wait maybe it was at our youngest graduation, when you wouldn’t let the family invite me to the luncheon afterwards even for the sake of our kids….

Or maybe how you stopped paying the lousy 250.00 a month child support for two kids and I had to keep taking you back to court while I was working 3 jobs to keep a roof over our heads?

All these things to be petty…to try to hurt me…but see I’m not like that, I want to uplift others, I do the right things even to go as far as shop, clean and help your mom out when you don’t.

I am that person that when my girlfriend got a promotion, I was as happy as if it happen to me.
I want, especially my women friends to succeed, I will never put them down, I only lift them up with praise. I don’t do cat fights or back stabbing, never have, never will.
Does putting someone else down, lift you up?

I’ve come to realize that its because these people are not your friends, these people have unresolved issues that are not yours, they hold on to anger, hatred and bitterness and you must remember it’s their problem not yours, just keep saying not my circus, not my monkeys.

I’ll never forget what my friend Patti C. wrote to me when I was hurting over Mr. Con Artist, that made so much sense and it goes perfectly now, she said.

“At 19 years old they are the mistakes of a boy, at 50 years old they are a reflection of the content of the man….”
Or women as the case may be…

So today my friends,  remember yes, you could have done some things when you were growing up, you could be hurt over a divorce, or what ever the reason is but we all have the ability to change…or not..maybe this was your content all along…

Can you look deep inside yourself to see what your reflection is saying about the content of who you are now? Think about that and ask yourself why you are so petty?

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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How do you begin to trust again?

How do you begin to trust again?

This is a question I’ve been asking myself all week, it’s  where one part of you truly wants to believe someone and the other part of you says no frigging way in hell.

I guess this goes along with the battle between your head and your heart, where your head is saying look at all the signs, look at how many times this person did the same thing over and over again. You know one of my favorites sayings is, what is the definition of insanity? It’s doing the same thing over and over,  expecting different results.. ha! perfect example.

But yet your heart is telling you, they are a good person, maybe they can change, maybe what they are saying is true, so this fight goes on inside of you.

What will bring you to a decision when there’s so many questions in your mind? When you’re constantly going back and forth debating whether or not you can trust somebody.
They also say a past indicator of a person is what you’re going to see in the future, is that true?

Can a person change? I’m a big believer in change, I say it all the time, hell it’s even in the end of every one of my blogs, “Be the change you want to see”
So yes, I believe people can change at any age, it’s all up to you, it’s all in your mind. Here’s the thing, for somebody to believe that, to believe another person has changed, that person has to put forth effort, they have to take actions, words are cheap but your actions show who you are.

For example, if a man cheated on you and you give him another chance, he has to go above and beyond everything you need him to do in order for you to trust him again and to make the relationship work.

No matter what it is, what you need to feel secure, if he really wants you back, if he really wants to gain your trust back, if he really wants this relationship to work, he will do whatever it takes to gain back your trust because he’s the one who broke it in the first place.

See his actions are matching his words, he is doing the work, no matter how hard it may be to gain your trust, for how ever long it takes.

But if he came at you with I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again but was still secretive with his phone, still not telling you where he is going, still not trying to make you feel secure, that shows you that his actions are not matching his words.

How do you trust yourself to make the right decision? Especially when you are constanly trying to see the good in people? When you want to believe a person can change but you’ve been hurt so bad in the past that your heart is screaming No! Not again!

I guess this is a wait and see game, it’s a one day at a time, it’s a don’t throw yourself into the fire too fast thing.
Sit back and watch their actions, don’t listen to the words alone.
Proceed with caution, watch for signs, listen to your intuition, go into it with your eyes wide open and your heart guarded.

Only time will tell, fake can only last so long, so if this is all just to suck you back onto the same old crap, you will find out soon enough. Hopefully without wasting too much of your time and hurting your heart beyond repair.

So today my friends…. I got nothing for you…I have no answers, I am human like all of you, I love big, I give my whole heart, I trust until you give me a reason not to, I forgive and I let go but I am not perfect and I don’t have all the answers, this my friends is a wait and see game… because I don’t know how to begin to trust again.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

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My book The blessing in Disguise
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