It’s amazing how much a year can change…
I realized that this date had alot of significance in my life, for me March meant change, over and over again.
I love the Facebook remember when app that they show you because yesterday it really hit home for me. It showed me what was going on in my life in the last 4 years and how much I’ve learned and grew since then.
Even though I am hard headed, I’ve learned so many lessons and my biggest one I’ve learned is watching for the signs and then when to walk away.
These are two big things as I want to see the best in people and I expect people to be in my life forever. These two things have kept me in relationships way past their expiration dates.
But I am learning, slowly but surely to walk away and to know what is best for me.
March 1, 2014
Just being divorced from a 24 year verbally abusive and loveless marriage, I was vulnerable and starving for love.
I fell in love with someone and he was an emotional mess, so to try to get over him, I jumped into a relationship with an old high school boyfrirnd who ended up being a con artist. He was conning me and 3 other women, all while still being married, all of which I had no idea about and neither did they.
This knocked the wind out of me as he talked about marriage, how much he loved me and how he showered me with the love and affection I was craving. Even though the warning flags were slapping me in the face, I wanted this fairy tale, this “prince charming” so bad I ignored the signs and he eventually turned into a toad.
For the next year I didn’t date, I wrote my book, licked my wounds and worked on me. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was and needed time to process why?
March 1, 2015
My life was amazing, my girls were good, my new business was taking off, I had a church and church family I loved. I was blessed with this new home that only but God…I got and I was just finished remodeling it.
I flew home for some much needed rest and to see if I could rekindle a romance with the love of my life, my high school sweetheart.
I remember feeling like I had came full circle as I laid in his bathtub, that he had ran for me, he brought me coffee in the tub and went to cook me breakfast as I relaxed. I sat there and cried, I cried for all the times I would be in my old tub crying my eyes out, thinking of how I hated my life and wishing I could be anywhere but in this horrible marriage and dreaming about a life with this man and here I was…
But again I ignored the signs saying that sometimes the reason you left are still there and will never change, no matter how bad you may want it.
March 1 2016
I went on to date again and found another man I dated after high school (Clearly not I have not learned my lessons about men from my past)
I dated him for a while, and yes, I saw the red flags but I didn’t want to, as I was having too much fun, traveling and having adventures with him. Besides, I thought, it was long distance and we only saw each other every 6 weeks for 3 or 4 days so it was ok..until I realized he was just like my ex husband and I knew I couldn’t stay any longer.
I prayed and asked God for a sign but when you ask for a sign, be ready because it’s coming faster than you realized.
The message at church the next day was “God is waiting for you to pack their bags and kick them to the curb before he is going to bless you”
Well that was that for me, a literal message and I was out of there.
March 1, 2018
Well, God is a funny God and this year as an ex came back into my life, I listened, I knew this door needed to stay closed but it also taught me some lessons I needed to learn.
Like to own some of my own crap, to take a hard look at myself and make some real changes, maybe March has that meaning… change…learning the signs and letting go of what is not good for me.
Moving on in March… maybe the title of my next book…
But I have realized that when there are red flags, you can’t ingnor them, I’ve learned that there is lessons in everything, there not everyone is who they seem to be and when to know the difference.
That sometimes no matter how bad you may want it, it is no good for you and you must walk away.
So today my friends, remember look for the signs, know your worth, listen to the lessons, learn, grow and change. We are all humans, we all make mistakes, hell look at all of mine! But that is what makes us stronger, better and smarter…change…
“Be the change you want to see”
“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”
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The blessing in disguise…. revealed**
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