scaring yourself literally to death

Scaring yourself literally to death

I have wrote a lot about fear because I know how fear can control your life. It can keep you stuck in the same horrible marriage, a job you call hell and in a life you hate because you are so afraid of change that you’d rather stay stuck, hurt and broken, than face the fear of the unknown.

I remember when I heard of a friend who knew someone who literally  scared her herself to death. She found a lump in her breast but was so afraid to find out what it was she didn’t go to a doctor for a year. Yes, she had insurance, she had the money to take care of it but fear gripped her so much that for a year she couldn’t face it.

It wasn’t until her breast started oozing, that a year later she went and now she found out she has stage 4 breast cancer.

How sad is that? Now she has so many regrets about not going sooner. So many would have, could haves, should haves but it is too late for that, she didn’t do anything about it because fear kept her stuck.

I write about stress making you literally sick, that it manifest itself into sickness in your body and how you are the only one that can control that by letting go.

I remember stressing so bad while I was going through my divorce that I couldn’t sleep, I lost so much weight (okay maybe that was not such a bad thing)

Except every time I went to eat my stomach turned and I felt like puking, my hair fell out. I had chest pains and ran to the doctor swearing I was having a heart attack.
No… no heart attack, he said ….dum..dum..dum.. drum roll please….
I was suffering from stress (No shit Sherlock!) and now after thousands of dollars in tests and copayments, I was even more stressed!

I had to let it go otherwise I was going to continue this viscous cycle. I realized that you can’t worry about the what if’s, you need to live for today, be grateful for today, live in the moment because you being stressed doesn’t change the outcome of anything.

So here we have stress making you sick and fear killing you and yet we hang on to these two emotions. We grip them tighter and tigher because that is what we know, what we are use to.

The more stress we have the more fear takes over, the more fearful we become the more stressed we are. Yes, these two go hand in hand, like two evil cousins and we allow them to rule our lives.

Is it easy to let these go? No, nothing in life worth doing is easy, again it takes practice and yes, lately I have been talking a lot about that as well.
How I am trying to to practice what I preach and every time I slip and fall I stop and remember, that I have to let it go.

So today my friends, remember that the only thing fear and stress is good for is nothing!
Neither one of them is going to change the outcome of a single thing in your life.
Remember life is too short, so ask your self this one important question, is is worth making yourself sick over? Is it worth dying for? No, so then the only answer is change.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Boy, you are strong

Boy, you are strong

This weekend I was hanging with a new friend and we were talking about our lives. When I told him a bit about my life he said “Boy, you are one strong woman”
I hear this a lot but I don’t understand it when people say it to me.

The way I look at things, you have two choices in life:
1. You can either let life knock you down, which it will because that is what life does
2. You can get back up and try again and fight.

These are the only two choices you have, you could become miserable, angry and bitter because of the things you didn’t achieve or because of what you perceive life did to you or people did to you.

Or you can choose to be positive, you can choose to learn the lessons of every thing that happened to you, every knock down. You could choose to look at it from a different perspective and say how can this situation make me better, what do I need to learn? What part of it is my own shit? What do I need to own?

I’m not strong, I’m just a survivor, see I’m going to survive no matter life throws at me, no matter how many times I get knocked down, I’m going to get back up, it’s the only thing I know how to do.

Believe me it’s not easy, it’s not fun, would I have liked to have an easier life? Yes, Hell we all would, who wouldn’t?

But I didn’t, so either I could choose to be mad, I could chose to hate all men because of all the hurt I’ve had, I could choose to say poor me, life sucks and everyone has it out for me.
I could look at all the losses I had in my life, the many let downs, how much failure I’ve had and let life break me.

Or I can chose to say no, I am not going to see things that way. See I saw my grandmother be miserable every day of her life, she blamed my grandfather, who cheated on her, she blamed the world for her troubles, she never took responsibility for anything. She was bitter, mean and angry her whole life, nothing made her happy because she wss never happy with herself.

I made a conscious decision years ago that I would never be like her. Every day I chose not to let life take my joy, not to blame, not to point fingers on why I am not happy.
Yes, even after all the times I have gotten fucked over, I still choose to see the best in people, I still believe in fairytales, I am still Tinker bell.

This is a choice I make every day, yes, life can suck at times and it has many, many times in my life but am I going to dwell on that or am I going to learn the lesson and move on? This is a choice..

Look this doesn’t mean I don’t cry, that every now and then I don’t have a pity party and ask why God why? I am human, it hurts my heart like every one of you, the only difference is I don’t take up residency there. I have a pity party and the next day I pull up my big girl panties, I figure out what is the lesson I am suppose to learn, I dust myself off and move on.

Anyone can do this, I am not strong, I am determined, I refuse to give up, l am a survivor not a victim.

So today my friends remember you can do this too, you just need to ask yourself this question, are you a victim or are you a survivor? And then act accordingly, it’s a choice that you need to make, choose wisely because just like me, they can be saying about you “Boy, you are strong”

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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The effects of pettiness

The effects of being petty

On Saturday my beautiful sister in law (Okay, technically she’s my ex sister in law)
got married, unfortunately I was not invited to her wedding.
Even though she wanted to invite me, she couldn’t.

When I met her brother she was 3 years old, I have been in her life for every major event that ever happened to her. First day of kindergarten, first dance, first play, first boyfriend, high school graduation, first day of college, college graduation, you name it I was there cheering her on.

She was the little sister I didn’t have, we would take her on weekends, we all vacationed together, we went out to dinner once or twice a week, every birthday, every hoilday, we spent together for 28 years.

I watched her grow into a beautiful, independent women that I am so proud of. I watched her be an amazing aunt to my girls, a wonderful daughter and a great sister.

So on Saturday I cried as I would have loved to watch her take the next steps into an new life as a married women. But because of her brother, that was not allowed, as he has such anger and hatred towards me, he would never allow that to take place.

Look I get it, I wanted the divorce, you never thought I would have the strength to make it without you. You lost, your mad, I get it but we have children, we had 28 years together, let it go for the sake of our children. You’ve moved on, I’ve moved on, let it go already.

Instead you will carry around this hatred, like your mom is still carrying 50 years later for your dad. It’s sad that even for your children you cannot do this.

Look I get it, If I cheated, If I robbed all your money, if I did something horrendous to you, I could understand your anger and your pettiness. All I wanted was my freedom, my happiness for what ever time I had left on earth. I even forgave you for all you’ve done to me, for the 24 years of living hell I endured.
I’ve moved on, I forgave you, I owned my shit, I just want to be a role model to my girls, to show them you can forgive, change your life, move on.

I would have given anything to see your sister walk down that isle, but you made that impossible but again I forgive you as I cannot have hatred in my heart. I pray you one day let this go, let go of your bitterness and pettiness, let go of the hatred, so that we can be the role models that our children need.

That we can be at a family function together and be okay, that we can share in the happiness of their lives, these two children who we so desperately wanted and brought into this world.

I will keep praying for you, for us and for our girls that one day we are all past this.
But until that day, I will be sad that everyone we knew, all of the people who were in my life for the last 30 years will no longer talk to me because you won’t allow them to.
But we all chose the path we are on….
That’s their path…this is mine…

I can’t live my life for anyone else but me, I can’t apologize for wanting my freedom or a better life.
I am doing me so either your my friend or your not, I am still doing me.

And in doing me I will contunue to tell your sister how much she means to me.
So to my amazing sister in law…even though I wasn’t there, I was there in spirit, you will forever be my sister in my heart.
I hope you have an incredible life and that God blesses you with all you wish for.
May you always have a open heart and a forgiving heart and know that I will always love you.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Opporunity requires strategy

Opportunity requires a strategy

Matthew 25.3

In this bible verse there were 10 virgins who barred the same label, they were all virgins and they were all seeking their “bridegrooms” just like us, that we are called Christians, we are all seeking to find God.

All ten virgins had a lamp with oil in it.
Just like us we are in church, hearing the word, listening to the pastor

What’s the point? They were all given lamps to start a journey to find the bridegroom…which is God.

We all are on this journey to meet the bridegroom, one day…we all started out right, reading the word, going to church, doing the good works.

We all are going to face God one day, face to face. We are all on a journey to meet God and we must be prepared for this meeting.

We need to have a plan and make yourself wise to meet God. If your not prepared, you will be taken off guard.

See when we are saved, we realize that we are placed on earth for your light to shine, so others may see the good works in you. This is what we are suppose to do, be the light for others.

The virgins had a lamp to get them through the dark journey that they were on. We all have a dark road we are on, that we have went through, when you can’t see to the left or to the right yet you stay on the road but you know you need the word of God to make it through.

We are the light in a world that loves the darkness more than they love the light. For us that are Christians, all we all want is to hear God to say to us “Well done, good and faithful servants, well done”

So when we read this verse we find out that 5 of the virgins were wise and the other 5 was foolish.
5 of them had a plan, they knew it was a long journey and were prepared.

What does it mean to be wise? It means that we need to have proper knowledge and the power to desern.

To be foolish is to be stupid, that you don’t have good judgment, you have lack knowledge and you are weak in your intellect.

You got to have a plan, like when you buy a house, or when your trying to finish your college, in all areas of life, you need to have a plan.

And we all need energy to survive…
The virgins needed oil to replenish their lamps to go on this long journey, half of them realized this, they knew what it took to survive.

Are you getting so caught up with all the stuff in life that you don’t understand why things are coming at you? This is life, stuff comes at you but the question is, will you bail out on God or will you trust him?

We rely so much on our feelings and our emotions to keep our energy up, if the preacher isn’t preaching like he is on fire, you don’t have enough energy. If the message isn’t the one you need to hear, you feel you didn’t get enough out of it.
We are relaying on tempaory energy, to be all in, to be “lit” for God is that even though you don’t feel the power of God in you, you know he’s there.

So the question is are you foolish or are you wise?
It requires much planning and full commitment to be wise, the same way you text your boo, every day, the same same you call your girls about gossip, your planning your day to do these things.
It’s the same about your commitment to God, you got to plan to go to church, what you are reading, who you are hanging out with. You need to do these things with intentions, with a goal,  you need to be prepared.

Life will hit you with some stuff, the way you feel, the way you think, haters, but you must know that when you in your darkest hour, that God is with you.

You must say I ain’t jumping…I am sticking with God.
When I am sick, when I am broke I’m sticking with Jesus, no matter what I go through, I am sticking with Jesus.

When you understand that God wants to bless your family, to bless you in raising your children, in your whole life, you will prepare.
God’s word will help you in your pursuit of a mate, of who you date, of all your life choices, just dont let your energy run out, you have to have a plan and set boundaries.
As women we need to know
there are certain things a man must bring to the table, we can’t negotiate, because we know “I can do bad all by myself”

When in pursuit of happiness, what we don’t get is the world won’t give you everything you need, it won’t happen every day, in personal identity, in wealth, we need to have a plan.

5 strategies to get to God that the virgins used

1. They took what was most important, the lamp and the oil
2. They were prepared for the unexpected. They had extra oil.
3. They took time out for rest, they had a plan.
4. They knew when to say yes and knew when to no
5. They were willing to leave others behind that didn’t have a plan

You must have a plan to get to God, dont panic, don’t get in a hurry, the metal is given to he who endures to the end.
So today my friends remember, we need to endure, we need to have a plan, we need to know no matter how dark or how long the road is, that God is there with us, that we got this, but we must know that oppunituny requires strategy, plan your strategy today.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Being single, me, myself and I

Being single
Me, myself and I

Last night I was at a singles conference and I learned alot of things about being single, so I wanted to share this with you.

Sometimes it’s feels like life doesn’t start until you meet someone, that people make you feel like you need to with someone in order to be someone.

Like if your not in a relationship, your not whole, not complete.
Movies put this into our heads with lines like “You complete me”

Why aren’t we complete before? Why must we have someone to complete us?

Being in a relationship isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be and being single isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either.
They both have their issues, their pros and cons yet being single comes with a stigma, there must be something wrong with you, oh…poor Sally she’s been single forever… poor Dave he’ll never find a women…

Singleness does have some problems
Singles is selflessness and we must remember that
Marriage is unselfessnes.

So when you get into a relationship you need to realize that, you will have to consult with another person, you will have to compromise, you might even have to concede to things to bring peace.

Being single means you have no one to answer to, you do what you want, when you want, you don’t need to ask anyone, you make all the decisions.

Being single and being Christian is hard. You want to please God and yet you are still human. But we must enjoy where we are in our lives, be present in the moment we are in.

Benifits of being single are
1.Time with God and for God
2.The right to be selfish

This is all your time, to become closer to God, it’s your time to be selfish, to work on yourself, to do the things you want to do.

I also learned that there are 4 kinds of singles out there:

1. Single and social media stunting:
You know the ones that have a profile to make them out to be something there not.

2. Single and satisfied:
Sometimes your in a season of singleness, your okay where you are, you are good with it.

3. Single and sinning:
Well, most of us fall into this one, we are Christian but not perfect. We are still trying to get it right.

4. Single and seeking:
We feel we are not complete unless we have someone, that we are desperately looking for that someone to complete us.

We need to remember these rules when are are looking for a partner (Yes, there are rules)

1. You must be physical attracted to that person.

2. You need to discuss each other’s past.

3. You need to discuss finance.

4.They must love God.

You need to know about that person, their goals, dreams. Do they have a plan? A vision? What are they doing with their lives?

Their history, are they constanly looking for the next best thing? Are they going through one relationship after another, blaming everyone else? Maybe the common denominator is them.

And you must know if you have the same beliefs.
Do they believe what you believe? Where is their faith level?

If you don’t know these things, your not ready to get married. Maybe you haven’t admitted to your flaws, maybe you need to unpack your bags from your former relationships, maybe you need to do some work on you.

Once you do this then you need to know your worth, you need to say, that is not enough or I see the red flags and I’m outta here. You need to say:
I am a wife material..
I want to get married and I will not settle.

You must have ground rules, know what is a deal breaker for you and know when it is time to move on if they cross that line.

Once you have done the work, enjoy your singleness, do the things you want to, the things you enjoy, spend time with your friends, spend time with God, do you and be grateful for this time alone.

This time maybe be short lived or long term but you need to be okay with you, with being alone and liking yourself.
You need to learn this before you get into a relationship.

So today my friends remember that being single is not a curse, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s a blessing to find yourself, to work on yourself, to be selfish and it’s okay, it will make you a better partner when the time comes.
Learn to be okay with me, myself and I.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Your never to old to change

Your never to old to change

I am a huge believer in change, hell at the end of every blog, my hashtag is “Be the change you want to see”

Be the change, change  your life, your attitude, your relationship, your career, anything that is not bringing you happiness, change!

Do you know a recent study said that 85% of people are misrable in their jobs. 85 % that’s huge! These people hate going to work every day, 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year, how bad is that?

I’ll bet if there was a poll about relationships, there would be way more that aren’t happy. Yet we stay,
we stay misrable, unhappy, unfulfilled, year after year because most of us are afraid of change.

I raise my hand I was scared, I liked my big lifestyle, I didn’t want to struggle, I didn’t think I could do it on my own after so many years.

This person who was crippled by fear, has had so many changes in the last 6 years it would make your head spin.
And just when I think I’m good, I learned the lessons I needed to, I am good at where I am at, Bam! Something else changes and I need to learn more lessons.

Just recently, I realized that as an addict, I have those qualities to become addicted again, maybe not with my addiction of choice, cocaine, but with other addictions, for me it’s been abuisve men.

From one abuisve man to another, over and over, this addiction that I have picking these types of men.
So I could either blame them and go on with my life with my head up my ass or I could admit that it is my issue and try to work on it.

An ex said some horrible things to me after I decided not to give it another try with him recently. I was hurt, I wanted to lash out and say “How dare you say this!”
But I stopped and looked at all he was saying and asked myself, what if any, was the truth here? I made myself become brutally honest and take a deep look and see what I owned.

Turns out I needed to own a bunch of shit, I did get angry fast, I think everyone should have my heart and do what I would do and then get mad when they don’t. I do have some lasting issues from my verbally abuisve marriage, these are my issues that I obviously havent addressed.

So I made a change, I went back to AA, to work the steps, to make sure I never slide back to my old addictions. I also found a counselor and a support group for abused women as I need to figure out steps to change this destructive behavior.

Who knew at this age I’d still be learning, growing and changing but the one thing I have learned is If you don’t have an opened mind, if your not willing to change, if your stuck in your ways, you will become stagnant and you will die.

Just like the flowers, in the fall they need to die to come back to life in the spring, we need to kill parts of ourselves to regrow, to change, to become better.

The first steps to change is to admit you need help, admit you have a problem, to say I want to change because this isn’t working for me anymore.
So here I am raising my hand saying these are my issues and I want to change because I refuse to keep doing what I am doing.

Because I can’t write this blog saying own your worth when I am not owning mine. I can’t keep saying it’s their problems, not mine, when it is clearly me who keeps picking them and letting them into my life.

So here I am my friends, open and raw for everyone to see that no, you are not alone, we all have issues even when it seems we have it all together.
We just need to be truthful, take a deep look and own your shit and then deciede enough is enough and make a change…see your never to old to change…

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Don’t just aspire to make a living aspire to make a different

Don’t just aspire to make a living, aspire to make a difference

This was a profound speech that Denzil Washington gave to a graduating class, that really hit a nerve with me.
Aspire to make a difference…

We all sometimes get caught up with life, with paying the bills, with just getting by, with kids, stress, jobs, relationships that we are just on automatic. We miss out on our true purpose, that we are here to leave a legacy for the next generation, that we are here to give back, that it’s not all about us, it’s about what we can do for others.

I love to write, it is my passion, my purpose and I have been writing this blog for the last 4 years. 5 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 52 weeks a year, day after day for little or no pay and yet I still do it. Why? You may ask, it’s because I want to inspire others, because I know one day I will inspire thousands, hundred of thousands, millions of people, this is my calling, this is what I aspire to do.

To show others that no matter how hard life is, how many times I get knocked down, how many times my heart is broken I will keep going, I will never give up.

I want to be that inspiration to someone who maybe in the same situation and they say “Look at her, she endured hardships but look where she is now, I can do this”

We must do what we love, we must aspire others to do the same. I tell my girls that all the time, do something you love to do and you will never work a day in your life.

How do I know this is my purpose? Because everyday I cannot wait to get up and go to the gym and write this blog, because when I am in this zone, hours can go by and it seems like minutes, because it brings me peace and joy to do this.
That is your purpose…

I will work at this for 12 hours and still want to work longer, I think about what I am going to write about all the time, it’s always on my mind.
That is your purpose….

You need to find that purpose, whatever that may be for you and then go after it, it doesn’t matter if no one is reading your blog, no one is listening to your music, no one is coming to your class, no one is buying your art, you are still doing it, because you love to do it.

Artists paint thousands of paintings that no one will see but they keep painting because that is their passion. This is what you need to find, something you can do for hours, that you would do whether or not you get paid, just because it’s in you and you have to.

And then you must go out and help others, show others that it is possible. That nothing can stop you, no matter how many people say you won’t make it, that this is just a dream and trust me there will be plenty of haters but you need to keep going, you need to show others that you will not give up, that no matter what you will endure.
Quitting is not an option, there is no I can’t in your vocabulary, there is only,
I can, I will, I must…

So today my friends remember life is what you make of it, life is also short and can be gone in a blink of an eye, so do what your passionate about, find your purpose, don’t just aspire to make a living, aspire to make a difference.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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The value of friendship

The value of friendship

These last few years have taught me a lot of things,  especially things that opened my eyes about friendships.

If you read my blog or you know me, you know that I’m a friend for life. Growing up as an only child, friends were the family that I chose for myself, the brothers and the sisters that I long for.

I chose these friends and I held onto these friendships for the last 40 plus years. I’m not talking about “Facebook friends” I’m talking about real friends, that call each other all the time, we visit each other, we’re part of each other’s lives on a daily basis, real life friends.

So for me these last few years that I have lost a lot of friends, have been hard.
I have realized that not everyone is who they say they are, that they paint one picture and then another one, later on emerges.
They are there for what they can get and when it no longer serves their needs, they are outta here.
They come to you with a big show, saying they are a true friend but when you are not receptive, they cut you off, just like that.

I look at my friendships like I look at my relationships, I work at them. If I was having a issue with a relationship I would talk to someone, I would tell them, you hurt my feelings, you did this or that to me, I am mad…whatever I may be feeling, I would sit down and let them know.
I want the relationship to work, maybe I said something, maybe I didn’t mean to come off like that so tell me, let me have it, but then give it a chance to be talked about, to resolve the issues, whatever they may be.

Don’t just shut me out without a word, who does that? Would you do that in a relationship? Are you trying to play games?
I am a grown ass women I don’t play games, if I am in a relationship or a friendship with you, I am going to try to work it out, because I love you and you obviously mean something to me, as you are in my life.

I don’t need fake friends, I had enough of them, enough backstabbing friends, friends who will do you wrong or leave you in times of need. I had friends who only called you for gossip or when they needed somwthing no, life is too short for that shit.

Either you know who I am or not, either you know I am a friend for life or there is the door, don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out.

I will try to save a friendship but I will no longer beg or kiss someone’s ass to be my friend.
Those days are over, I have realized that not everyone is coming along for the whole ride and as much as that hurts, it’s okay…I want to know that the people in my boat are rowing and not drilling holes in it before we take off, before I make it big, before they get a free ride.

God has been shaking my tree alot, some people are the fruit and when you shake it, even just alittle they fall off. Some are the branches,  you need to shake alittle harder but they will break and drop off as well.
Some are the body of tree the are there for a long time even but when the really bad storms come, they will get knocked over.

And then there are the roots of the tree, that no matter what happens they are not going anywhere, they are there for life, they will always have your back, they are your anchor in the storms, all storms, you don’t even need to think, they are there.

God has put alot of storms in front of me, lot’s of test for my testimony, he has shook my tree and there have been times when I didn’t think I would survive but like that old oak tree, bruised and beat up, scarred and with lost limbs, it still stands tall.

I might have lost fruit, I may have lost branches, I may have even been knocked over a few times but I keep getting straighten out and standing back up and I know that my roots will keep holding me together.

So today my friends remember, I know what I bring to the table and I am not afraid to eat alone or with out you, I know I will still have the people who are my real friends sitting around the table with me.

I know this will not be my loss…I am on this journey with people who truly have my back and I, who has theirs. I am going big places and it’s a shame you won’t be on that journey with me but everything happens for a reason. I might not know the reason but God does, so I will trust him and keep that door shut.
As I realize the value of friendship even when others do not.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Let’s go fishing

Let’s go fishing

In the bible Peter and his brothers were fishing, when Jesus came to them and said “Come follow me and I will send you out to fish for people”

At once the disciples left their boat and followed Jesus. He said come follow me…
Not to the temple…
To follow him…

To follow him..here were the real missing field of people are…it is in the streets, where real people are.

People have forgotten what ministry is, if ministry becomes about you, you have forgotten what Gods word is…

It’s not about the show, it’s not about the temple, it’s about your relationship with God, it’s about you being the light for others, it’s about you sharing your faith with others.

I know that you didn’t realize that when you converted that you were going to have to leave what was close to your heart to follow Jesus, yes, you are asked to step out, you are asked to leave some people behind in order to move on in your faith walk. Your faith will not always be comfortable.

The disciples Jesus picked didn’t go to church, they didn’t have the word and that’s why Jesus picked them, he wanted to take them out into the real world, to preach the gospel to sinners, to the lost and broken. Why? Because they too were lost and broken and they could tell others of what he had done for them.
He used these fisherman to fish for souls.

In order to fish you need these things:

1.You must find water to fish
2. You must launch out in order to fish
3. It requires patience
4. A net, a pole and a line
5. The bait
6.Tools and a container
7. You never know what kind of fish you will get

You can’t predict what kind of fish you will catch, Jesus used the sport of fishing to find his disciples, he did not go into the church to find elders.
He did not go to the temple to find them.
He was going after the whole world, he knew that the church is so caught up in their position that they have gotten so “clean” that they can’t relate to us.

There is and always have been all kinds of discrimination in church, classism, sexism, racism…
Like they are better than you…
Like they are more holy…
They are not fishing for souls because they feel no one is good enough.
But our only job is suppose to bring more people into the body of Christ, that is what Jesus did when he went from city to city.
So the question is, are you fishing for the word or are you fishing for souls?
Are you fishing for blessings? Or are you being the blessing?

Jesus went to the most unlikely place to find his disciples.. he found murders, liars, thiefs, cheaters, he found the bottom of the barrel, the hopeless, to show them how good his word was and then he sent them out to fish for others, like them.

We need to not be so close minded when we are fishing for people…
We are the light for others, we are here to preach the gospel.

We have been so consumed with the blessings, that we have forgotten we are here to preach the gospel.
We need to leave behind a message when we are gone..
Maybe we are fishing for people in the wrong place.

How many of you are speaking God’s word?
How many of you post about God’s message?
How many of you talk of your faith?
At the gym, at work, on social media? Why aren’t you speaking of your faith? Why aren’t you fishing?
Are you just putting on a show in church? Look at me I go to church but are you going outside the church and preach the gospel?

So today my friends remember why we are here, remember Jesus message, remember who he picked to deliver his message, you may be broken, you may have had a terrible past, you may not be hoiler than thou but that’s okay he has forgiven you, he just wants you to tell the world about his goodness…
Go fishing!

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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It’s amazing what a year can change

It’s amazing how much a year can change…

I realized that this date had alot of significance in my life, for me March meant change, over and over again.

I love the Facebook remember when app that they show you because yesterday it really hit home for me. It showed me what was going on in my life in the last 4 years and how much I’ve learned and grew since then.

Even though I am hard headed, I’ve learned so many lessons and my biggest one I’ve learned is watching for the signs and then when to walk away.

These are two big things as I want to see the best in people and I expect people to be in my life forever. These two things have kept me in relationships way past their expiration dates.
But I am learning, slowly but surely to walk away and to know what is best for me.

March 1, 2014
Just being divorced from a 24 year verbally abusive and loveless marriage, I was vulnerable and starving for love.
I fell in love with someone and he was an emotional mess, so to try to get over him, I jumped into a relationship with an old high school boyfrirnd who ended up being a con artist. He was conning me and 3 other women, all while still being married, all of which I had no idea about and neither did they.

This knocked the wind out of me as he talked about marriage, how much he loved me and how he showered me with the love and affection I was craving. Even though the warning flags were slapping me in the face, I wanted this fairy tale, this “prince charming” so bad I ignored the signs and he eventually turned into a toad.

For the next year I didn’t date, I wrote my book, licked my wounds and worked on me. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was and needed time to process why?

March 1, 2015
My life was amazing, my girls were good, my new business was taking off, I had a church and church family I loved. I was blessed with this new home that only but God…I got and I was just finished remodeling it.
I flew home for some much needed rest and to see if I could rekindle a romance with the love of my life, my high school sweetheart.

I remember feeling like I had came full circle as I laid in his bathtub, that he had ran for me, he brought me coffee in the tub and went to cook me breakfast as I relaxed. I sat there and cried, I cried for all the times I would be in my old tub crying my eyes out, thinking of how I hated my life and wishing I could be anywhere but in this horrible marriage and dreaming about a life with this man and here I was…
But again I ignored the signs saying that sometimes the reason you left are still there and will never change, no matter how bad you may want it.

March 1 2016
I went on to date again and found another man I dated after high school (Clearly not I have not learned my lessons about men from my past)
I dated him for a while, and yes, I saw the red flags but I didn’t want to, as I was having too much fun, traveling and having adventures with him. Besides, I thought, it was long distance and we only saw each other every 6 weeks for 3 or 4 days so it was ok..until I realized he was just like my ex husband and I knew I couldn’t stay any longer.

I prayed and asked God for a sign but when you ask for a sign, be ready because it’s coming faster than you realized.
The message at church the next day was “God is waiting for you to pack their bags and kick them to the curb before he is going to bless you”
Well that was that for me, a literal message and I was out of there.

March 1, 2018
Well, God is a funny God and this year as an ex came back into my life, I listened, I knew this door needed to stay closed but it also taught me some lessons I needed to learn.
Like to own some of my own crap, to take a hard look at myself and make some real changes, maybe March has that meaning… change…learning the signs and letting go of what is not good for me.
Moving on in March… maybe the title of my next book…

But I have realized that when there are red flags, you can’t ingnor them, I’ve learned that there is lessons in everything, there not everyone is who they seem to be and when to know the difference.
That sometimes no matter how bad you may want it, it is no good for you and you must walk away.

So today my friends, remember look for the signs, know your worth, listen to the lessons, learn, grow and change. We are all humans, we all make mistakes, hell look at all of mine! But that is what makes us stronger, better and smarter…change…

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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