You need to be happy with yourself first

You need to be happy with yourself first.

It’s amazing that so many people think outside things will make you happy or make you complete.

If I had more money…
If I had a better job
If I had a bigger house
If I lose weight
If I find the love of my life, that’s a big one for so many people.

Yes, most of us romantics desperately want someone to say the line from that movie “You complete me” like that will make all of your other problems go away.

Unfortunately I hate to be the one to bust your bubble, but it’s not. No one is going to complete you, no one will make you happy unless your truly happy with yourself first. You need to already be complete before you get into a relationship.

See the problem today is everyone wants a quick fix, no one wants to put in the work, no one wants to unpack, to see what was their issues of the last relationship and be willing to fix them before moving on the next one.

No, they grab their luggage full of crap and run right into the next one, same issues, new person. And then so many of them say “It’s them not me”
When they keep going from one to the next, to the next.

I talk a lot about my previous marriage and how it was verbally abusive but even though it was all of that, I still had to unpack, I still had to own what I did and believe me I was no angel.

Yes, I had to own that I lied, that I checked out the last 5 years, I had an emotional affair, I didn’t want to work on it anymore, I was done for years yet I didn’t have enough balls to leave.

I like the fancy lifestyle and was even willing to sacrifice my happiness to keep it. Yes, I had my issues but I knew I had to learn to be happy on my own, I had to admit my faults, I had to learn to fix them before I could move on.
I had to learn to forgive him…(Oh big one there!)
And let go before I could find happiness.

For 2 years I didn’t date anyone because I was fixing me. And even still, when I decided to try again I picked Mr. Con Artist ha!

Back to the drawing board, to learn about listening to my inner voice and to know my worth. Another year without dating made me learn to love myself, made me stronger, made me complete with me.

But even still I had issues I needed to resolve, even when I thought I did my work, I was made to realize that I still had more work to do. The last two relationships taught me that I am not done, not by a long shot, I must keep owning my own shit and change.

I am now happy being by myself. I made a life, I have my family and friends, I do things, I learned new things, I stepped out of my box more times than I couldĀ count to experience new things.

I know my self worth, I know what I want and what is a definite deal breaker for me. I know money doesn’t make you happy, neither does your job, your family, your man or women. I know how to be filled with peace and happiness on my own, by myself. I know there are still lessons I need to learn and that’s okay, I am a work in progress, as long as I am open to being better, it’s all good.

It is only when you get to this point that your ready to meet someone else. Ahhh…here’s the next problem, now you need to find someone who also did the work on themselves, who are whole otherwise they will suck the happiness right out of you, as they feel you need to make them happy.

If your a giver like me, you’ll do it because you want to please them…that is a slippery slope because sooner or later you will be giving your all to them and lose yourself, just like what happened in my marriage.

So today my friends remember, you must be complete, you must be whole, you must do the work to get there, it is only then, you will be truly happy. Because you need to be happy with yourself first.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

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The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

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My book The blessing in Disguise
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