Love people for who they are

Love people for who they are…

Some people look at me and my friends and shake their heads, they can’t imagine the friends I keep company with.

I have friends that are church people, friends that were locked up, friends that were addicts, friends that are not christian, friends that are Black, White, Spanish, a rainbow of colors in my life.

I see what so many people cannot let themselves see past…I see their hearts, I  see their souls…I see the person that so many people may have written off because of the package it comes in.

But I don’t let the package scare me off, because I  feel their love, their huge hearts that other people pass by. I see under that rough exterior, a kind and giving soul, who would be there for you and have your back through thick and thin.

I know what it like to be judged for who you hung out with, for the sins of your past. I still remember the pain of church people years ago, looking down at me when I was trying to get my life together. I know whar it feels like when people who didn’t know me,  past judgement on me based on rumors they heard about me, all through school.

I remember them whispering as they walked by, saying I was a whore while I was actually a virgin.
I remember people saying look how she screwed up her life with drugs, that I would never amount to anything.

Yes, I know this feeling all too well and so I would never do that to another human being.
What you see is not always what you get…

I remember my little one telling me to look at this picture, it was one of a man who looked like a biker dude, tatted up, do rag, leather jacket…tough and  mean, that is what you would have taken away from the photo.

“Mom, he’s a famous cardio doctor who works on premie baby’s hearts, see you would have never guessed that because the world would judge him on the exterior”

Yes, my girls are listening and learning by my example…you never know.

Church people are the worst…Yes, I am going there… they look down their righteous noses at someone like that, someone they don’t deem worthy to be gracing “their church”

Yes, my “church husband” doesn’t look the church part, he looks like where he came from…the streets. If you saw him outside of church, you would cross the street.
Yet when I came to this church every week the usher sat us next to each other. PopI felt his pain, why? Because I was in pain and I knew what pain looked like.

I felt his heart not his exterior, I felt his tears that he never showed, I knew that we were the same, both looking for a better way, trying to change, to be better ….yet all the outside world saw was a thug and a crazy white women in a black church.

Week after week we were seated next to each other and I learned that yes, all I thought about him was true but there was so much more to him, if you were willing to look deeper. He had a deep love for the lord and his family, he’s a poet, a writer with a deep passion for words. He has a huge heart, he’s a big softie with a giving spirit but you would never gotten all of this because your not willing to see past the outside.

My dear friends Gee and Frank, definitely not who you would think of them to be. Frank is this rock and roll, long hair rocker dude yet he is the kindest soul, he is my guardian angel who God brought into my life and yes, he is in a band but not in a metal band like you would think… he’s in a band in his church!

Gee looks like he will stab you if you look at him the wrong way. He is big, full of tats, hat on backwards, looking thug but he was there for me with a helping hand as soon as I moved in, I can call him at 4 am and he will be there, he is a big softie with a deep love and respect for me and girls.

So today my friends, remember you never know what is inside that person, its like when you first get a diamond from a mine, its ugly it doesn’t look like much, most people would throw it away, but when you look deep, when you really see it, polish it up, its a work of art. Its beautiful and valuable yet you would have missed all of that because you were focused on the outside.

Dont miss your chance on having a diamond in your life, you just love people for who they are…It’s as easy as that.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Knowing your worth

Knowing your worth

This week I wrote alot about the recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. I wrote about how losing yet another one of my friends and all the pain that it bought back and knowing how close I was to not once but twice taking my own life.

Look life is hard, period.
I don’t know many people that haven’t been through bad times, through losses of loved ones, through life knocking them down. It happens to all of us but it’s how we come through, it’s about what we learn, it’s about knowing our self worth enough to keep fighting.

When you deciede to take your own life, you don’t have self worth. You feel like a failure, like your worthless. You can’t do anything right, nothing will ever go your way because your stupid, because your too fat, too skinny, too poor, not pretty enough.
There are a million reasons why you have in your head, why you are worthless and why no one will miss you or even care that your no longer here.

Yes, it’s that worthless felling that most of the time pushes us over the edge.
We need to know we were all wonderfully made and that we all come here with a purpose.
It’s okay if you can’t find your purpose right now, it took me 40 plus years to find mine, hell it took 70 years for Colonel Sanders to find his. It’s okay, no matter when you find it, but trust me it’s always been inside of you, just waiting for the right time.

You have to know you will go through storms, you will have haters, you will hurt, you will be betrayed, lied to, cheated on, your heart will break over and over again.

But you must hold on to your self worth, you must know what you are made of and made for.
These are just lessons you need to learn to move on to the next level of learning.
You can’t grow if your not willing to learn. And you can’t grow unless your buried underground, in the dark, feeling like it’s over and you can’t breathe.

Yes, when you are planted, you think it’s over but if you hold on, if you keep the faith, keep the fight, sooner or later you will reach the top. You will see the sun and with the sun and the tears, you too will bloom like the beautiful flowers you see in the spring.
All winter they froze, they are in the dark, they might have felt hopeless but they hung on and look at them now…the most beautiful things you have ever seen.

That my friends are you, you are just waiting to bloom, you just need to know what kind of spectacular flower you will be. You need to know what God or whoever you believe in, made you to be.

Don’t give up, trust me when I tell you he has bigger plans than you can ever dream of. Know your self worth, stand tall, fight the good fight. You will get through this, ask for help if you need to, talk to someone, admitting you have a problem doesn’t make you weak, it shows your strenght.
It shows you know your self worth enough to treasure it, to protect it.
Never give up, never stop knowing your worth.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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60% of people lie on social media

60% of people lie on social media

This week I have talked alot about sucicde and how sometimes we don’t see it coming because no one talks about the issues of their lives. We looked at Robin Williams. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain and think they had perfect lives and yet they all took their own lives.

They were in pain and they never spoke of it, see we only see what people want us to see and most of it is lies.

I just read an article that said 60% of people lie on social media…Yes…60%
I was shocked, I figured yes, some people lie but 60%? That is a lot of bullshit out there.

Sure on social media you can be richer, you can elude to having a bigger house, to having the perfect family, to being extremely happy.

I know when it comes to dating there is alot of lying going on there. The statistics are definitely higher there and I’ll bet they didn’t include that in their count, I can tell you that for sure.

In dating they lie about their age, their weight, their height, their hair. Being in shape for some of them means, like a round shape. Working out means getting up and down from the couch to the fridge for more beer.
And then there’s the pictures from 10 years ago or just head shots…please, let me not go there!

Yes, I know for a fact more than 60% lie on the dating sites. That must have been another survey, all in its self.

Look, I know all about lying on social media, I was one of those people. I put up pictures of my “happy” family, ohhh look here we are with all our toys…how sweet, look at all our stuff. Look at our fancy vacations, to this perfect place or that amazing place…ohhh.. aren’t we the just the perfect family?

When in reality my life was a frigging mess, I hated him, he was horrible, the kids were afraid of him and I cried every night in a bath with wine and sleeping pills. Please I needed to get the Oscar for my performance…Yes, I was definitely one of the 60%.

So why did I lie? I had a big ego, I didn’t want anyone to know how bad I screwed up, how I picked yet another bad one. How I moved 1500 miles, leaving everything for a man I knew nothing about. I liked the big life, showing off…look at what I got. See, I wasn’t going to be stuck in that hick town with nothing, I had something to prove, or so I thought.

But as we grow and learn, we realize that the truth will set you free…well at least apparently I did, just not quite the other 60%.

Its so much better not to lie, to live real, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
I am no longer worried about the skeletons in my closet, I let them out, there is nothing to hide and that is an amazing feeling.

Like me or not, I don’t really care, you do not pay my bills.
Yes, I screwed up more times than I have fingers and toes…okay?
Yes, I’ve fell on my face in front of the whole world…so?
Yes, I’ve picked the losers time and time again…and your point is??

Look we’ve all been, there done that and your lying if you say no. I chose to out my own stuff, to learn from it and to hopefully teach others lessons.

I lived in the shadows, in the dark, worrying about people finding out my truth for too long and that will never happen again!

So today my friends ask yourself are you part of the 60%?
and if your truthful (Even just to yourself )
and you are, ask yourself why?

What are you afraid of?
So what if people knew?  Are they going to leave? If they do then they weren’t ever really there for you to begin with.

What you’ll lose face? So what in 2 months no one will remember or care.
Your real life isn’t as great as your social media life?
Obviously neither is 60% of people, so your not alone.

Let it go, live in your real life, let the skeletons out…it doesn’t have to be Halloween to do so.

Free yourself, learn from your mistakes, help others come out of their closets, except others for their truths. It will blow your mind how freeing it is…don’t be one of the 60% of people lying on social media.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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I know suicide first hand

I know suicide first hand

These last two weeks have been hard on me. As I heard the news of two stars who took their own lives and I lost a friend of mine. It brought back alot of memories and made me think alot.

So as I sat in church on Sunday, I cried yet again. My Pastor was taking about the suicide of Kate Spade and Anthony Bordain and how when he was eleven he tried to kill himself. I cried because I’ve been there and the only reason I was sitting here today was because of my dear friend who God brought into my life to lead me back to him and this very church. And here I am 6 years later sitting next to her, still grateful for what she did for me, what God did for me.

The day after my attempted suicide when I fell in my knees and prayed to a God I no longer believed was in my life.  When I gave it all over to him as I had no other place to turn to, when I begged for help because I was hopeless. I walked into work and God put this women into my life to lead me back. She invited me to her church and when I went to church with her it was as if God had spoke through this man of God to me.

God had a plan for me, he was not done with me, even if I was done with myself.
See thoughts of suicide can effect all of us, any of us. We had too much pain, we can’t see the sun as there have been too many storms. We feel unloved, hopeless, broken, nothing is going right, nothing we do is ever good enough.

It’s too hard to keep fighting, to keep getting up, this is the last straw.Yes, we’ve all been there. Some of us get over it and some just don’t have that fight left. We don’t know what was going on with Robin, Kate or Anthony, we don’t know what pushed them over the edge.

We saw what they wanted us to see just like we all do, we live in this Facebook land of everything is okay, my life is great when in actuality we are a hot mess!
We don’t talk about it, we shove it deeper down and keep smiling until we are so broken there seems to only be one way out.

My little one asked me yesterday why I put my business out there to everyone. For me it’s easy, I want to help others. I look at Oprah’s story, Jim Carey, Les Brown, Tony Robbins and Steve Harvey’s stories and I see that they were poor, homeless, abused,  broken and yet they did it, they made it, even when everyone said they wouldn’t. I see their stories as hope and that’s what I want to give people, hope, that if I can do it, you can do it too.

I want whoever is out there reading my blogs to say “Wow, look at all she’s been through, yet through it all she keeps fighting, I can do it, I can make it”

I want to be an inspiration to others like these people were to me. This is why I am so honest, so raw about my life, believe me it’s not easy writing yet again that I picked the 3rd loser in a row or that my kids aren’t perfect. Or that even though I go to church twice a week I am still so far from perfect. I’d be lying and I have lied for too many years and I refuse to live there anymore.

So here I am open to criticism, to the haters, to being totally vulnerable so that I may help others. Laugh at me, talk about me, it’s all good if I can help one person out there just barely holding on.

So today my friends remember you never know what someone is going through, those who laugh the most, help the most are sometimes the one’s who are hurting the worst.
This should be a vessel to open up the discussion of mental health, of being real and of talking about your hurts. Let their lives not be in vain, talk to someone, a pastor, a counselor or the Suicide Prevention hotline.

Reach out because at one time or another we have all been there and know suicide first hand.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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The loss of a friend

The loss of a friend

This past weekend I had to  again say goodbye to another friend of mine. Another soul that was way too young, that was called home.

Sometimes you just think why God why? They were in the prime of their lives, they had children, families that needed them, why?

There are no answers that will make you feel better, no answers that will bring them back. This is just an ugly fact of life we all must live with.
I have lost many, many people I have loved in my life, at one point I thought I was cursed that so many people I loved died.

I’ve learned that we are not promised anything while we are here on this earth. We could be here a month, 10 years, or 100 years. We don’t get to pick the length, that is up to God.

We just need to know that God (or whoever is your higher power) has a plan for us while we are here. We have a purpose, we have a life that we need to make the most of.

We need to be grateful, we need to fulfill our calling, to help others, to be present in each moment, to live our lives to the fullest.
We need to stop complaining and stop whining about what we don’t have, where we aren’t at yet.

Do you think my friend I lost this weekend or my best friend I lost last year around this same time thought, “I should have checked social media more or I should have hung out with friends more?”

Do you think they said “Wow I should have stayed home and washed those clothes or I should have went to the beach when my kids asked me?”

Yes, things that seem so important aren’t when you look at the big picture, when you are counting the minutes you have left.

We would make totally different choices if we knew it would be our last day here. We would laugh more, take more time to stop and literally smell the roses, we would do what we love with who we love.

We wouldn’t be afraid to tell people how we truly feel because we aren’t  guaranteed to have another chance to do so.
Yes, we all would be living a different life if we knew our time was closing in on us.

But it is, time is closing in on us, we aren’t going to live forever. We don’t know if today is our last day, tomorrow or next week, so if we know that why aren’t we living our lives to the fullest? Because we think we have plenty of time, soon, next week, next year, when I meet someone, when I get that promotion,  when I lose that 20 pounds…
So many excuses, so much wasted time…

I always look for a lesson in my pain and what I have learned in losing so many loved ones is that I don’t take a second for granted. I tell the people I love that I love them every day, every time I speak to them. I tell them I am proud of them, that they are special, I stop what I am doing to spend time with them. I live in the moment, I leave the laundry and the dishes to be with them.

I’ve learned that time is precious and I want to make the most of every second I am giving. I want to go home with no regrets, I want to go home empty because I gave it my all. I want people to say when they put me to rest that she live her life large!
But most of all I want to hear God tell me “Well done my child, well done”

So as I said goodbye to another beautiful soul who I was blessed to have in my life, I know it’s not the last time I will see her. I know she is in a better place, that she is not suffering anymore, that she is home just waiting for me and her other loved ones.This picture gives me peace and help me here to cope with another loss.

Demetria Willliams you will be missed by so many people, but we know you will be smiling down on all of us still here.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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A pivotal point

A pivotal point

We all at one time or another come to a pivotal point in our lives, where we don’t know what we are doing or where we are going.
God wants us to enjoy a peace that you can’t find anywhere else in your life.
God wants to remove your shame, he wants you to let go of what you did in your past. He wants to give you all he has for you.

But you must come to him, you must let go of your baggage, your shame and most of all your ego.

People in church pretend that they got here all clean and without sin but we all know that’s not true.
We have all failed, we have all screwed up.

We need to thank God that we not where you use to be, where your parents were, where you started at. Thank God that you are not crazy, thank God for what he’s done for you.

This weekend I said goodbye to a yet another friend, it brought me to a place of sadness as I have lost so many loved ones in my life. But it also brought me to a place of gratitude as I was so grateful for all God has done for me.

I got home after the homecoming service and I got down on my knees and gave thanks. Thanks I was alive and healthy, thanks my girls are good and healthy. Thanks for my life, my freedom, my home, my business. I cried as I gave thanks for my family and friends, for my church and church family, for the peace and joy, he has given me. For not losing my mind and my heart every time I get beat down.

I thanked him for grace and mercy as I screw up…alot.
I thanked him for teaching me lessons I still obviously need to learn.

I cried both for the loss I was feeling and for the gains he has given me. Even in this storm, even through my pain I still thanked him.

This was also the message at church today, to give thanks, to be grateful. To know what he has done for us, it was just another conformation for me.

This is what we need to do. Yes, I may not be where I think I should be, but I know I am so much better than where I was and so are you.

There has to be a pivotal point in your life when you say I can’t do this by myself when you give up and give it to God. When what you’ve been doing isn’t working and your spinning out of control.
At that point you need to look at your options, all the things you’ve been doing. So tell me, how’s that working for you? Yeah, not good right? So it’s come to a time that you must give it to God.

You must let go and let God worry, you must be at a place of gratitude every day, even through the storms, you must believe all he has for your life, even if you can’t see it now.

So today my friends remember, right now, this second is your pivotal point in your life. Right now you can change your life, right now you can give thanks even through the tears because it is at this moment that your life will change. This is your pivotal point, chose wisely.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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No regrets

No regrets

This week I wrote about designer Kate Spade’s suicide and then about people saying they will do something when…
When they find love, get money, lose weight.

Today’s blog goes along with all of that, it’s about no regrets, living your life, what ever time we may have left, with no regrets.

Look tomorrow is not promised to us, we can live another 50 years or another 50 seconds, we don’t know which it is.
So knowing that why wouldn’t we change our point of view? Why wouldn’t we live our lives to the fullest?

I have lost too many people, I know how short life is and I am determined to live my best life. I am present in every moment, I live life large every single day.
There will be no regrets when I am called home, I am good.

I’ve forgiven those who hurt me, I apologized to those I’ve hurt, I did what I wanted to, on my terms. I screwed up, yes, but I’ve learned lessons every time and made changes accordingly.

Last night I had a list as long as my arm to do. I worked until 8 pm and I still needed to clean my house, wash my clothes and a list of other crap that needed doing. When my girl friend called me and said she was in my nieghbood, I said come on over, just like that.

I could have said no, I got too much to do, another time, not answered the phone but what if that was the last time I saw her? Will the laundry and dirty dishes still be there long after I’m dead? Yes! So who cares, live in the moment.

She came over and I pulled out a bottle of wine and we sat and talked and laughed. We had an amazing night and I was so glad I lived in that moment with this person who I am blessed to have in my life.

This is what I am talking about no regrets, take that moment, take that chance, don’t wait until… do you know how many people don’t get an until…
No! I am doing it while I can, I will jump out of that plane, do that triathlon, walk on fire, I will make every moment count because I may not have a moment like that again.

So today my friends remember our time here is precious, we are only given a certain amount of it, use it wisely, don’t waste it on the small stuff, stuff that will always be there like laundry and the house. Use it to spend time with the people you love, the people that make you laugh, use it to do things you’ve always wanted to do.

Use it to travel, to meet new people, to have new adventures, to live a life worth living. Because at the end of it you won’t be wishing you worked more, that you did more dishes, you’ll be wishing you spent more time with the people you loved, doing the things you wanted to, living life large and with no regrets.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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I will….when

I will when I…

I was talking to my girl friend the other night and she said she went out and a few guys approached her. I asked if she gave them her number and she said no.
I asked why? She said “Well, when I lose this weight, I’ll date then”

Hello! Did they say “Hey I’m only approaching you because IF you lose weight I’ll like to date you?” No! They liked you just like you are, now!

Why must we all think like this…
When I get a better job…
When I lose 30 pounds…
When I get that promotion…
When I get some more money…
When I find the perfect someone…
It’s always when…insert your excuse here…

But I’m here to tell you, when may never come.
I’ve learned this by losing many, many people in my life, that tomorrow is not guaranteed.

You may cross the street and get hit by a bus, you may be healthy today and die of a heart attack tomorrow in the gym no less, like a guy did last week. We never know if this will be our last day or our last breathe.

I remember my grandma use to have stuff in her drawers with tags on them and when I was little I would say “Why don’t you wear this, Grandma, it’s new”
She would say “It’s not new, but I’m saving it for a special occasion”

When she passed and we were going through her drawers years and years after this conversation, I found all of these same things still with the tags on.

For years she never thought it was a special occasion enough to wear them, she kept waiting for the next bigger thing that never came.
Or if it did, she thought something bigger would come so she would wait.

So she died never appreciating the days that were good, never living in the moment because she was always waiting for the next one to be better.

How sad is that? Yet so many of you, just like my girlfriend are doing the exact thing. I learned to live in the moment, to appriciate every second. I don’t care if I’m not where I want to be, if I don’t have enough money, if I’m not with the love of my life, it doesn’t matter, I am living my life large, now!

I remember a friend of mine when I asked if she wanted to go with me to Jamaica, she said “No, I’m saving that for my honeymoon”

Mind you, she had been single for many years, with no prospects in sight. “Why wait, I said, we’ll have a blast” but she refused to go, six months later she was dead, cancer, just like that, gone.

I remember her saying she should have gone and seen the place she dreamt of for so many years.
Regrets…I don’t want any. I want to do things now, I may not be skinny enough, I may never be skinny enough. I may not have enough money, no matter how much money you make, your never going to have enough. I might not have a partner but I’m not going to sit in the house and pray and cry waiting until someone knocks on my door. No, I’m going to enjoy my life right now! This minute, this second!

So today my friends, remember my blog yesterday in which I talked about the world famous designer Kate Spade who killed herself.
From the outside it looked like she had everything, money, fame, a beautiful family yet it was not enough to save her from herself.
Your never going to get it perfect, your never going to have everything in the right place, the right way and it’s okay. Go with the flow, be grateful for what you do have, where you are today, live in that moment, appriciate how far you’ve come and stop saying I will….when.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Suicide is real for all of us

Suicide is real for all of us

Yesterday we learned of the suicide of multi millionaire  designer Kate Spade.
She was 55, married and had a 13 year old daughter. She grew up in the Midwest and started at the bottom working for a fashion magazine. She started her global company in her living room with her husband and it went on to be a multi million dollar, world wide company.

To the world, she had it all, fame, wealth and a beautiful family. Anything she wanted to do or buy, she could, she had the world at her feet.
But obviously that was not enough, that was not enough to stop her from taking her own life.

Just like the world famous Robin Williams, who to everyone, seemed like he had it all too. He also took his own life, he made us all laugh as he was dying inside.

You never know what someone is going through, you don’t know the pain they are in. You see what they want you to see, what they show to the world.

I can relate as I did that as well. I portrayed to the world that we were this amazing family, that we were happy, that I had this wonderful husband but in actuality we were a dysfunctional mess.

No one knew I cried every night in my tub with wine and pills to take the pain away. No one knew the pain I was in when I thought life was too much and I too, thought and planned to take my own life.

We don’t know what was going on in Kate’s head or in Robin’s head, what would make them think, it couldn’t get better.

So many of us, especially us that grew up poor and are still struggling, can’t imagine what problems you can have when you have all that fame and wealth.
We assume that money can fix it all but as we see all the time it can’t.
Like that rap song, more money, more problems. I know that lesson first hand, that money can’t buy happiness as we had plenty and I was still misrable.

Suicide can effect anyone, any time, any where, no matter how much wealth and fame you have. No matter how much you laugh or make people laugh, this may be a front they are putting on.

You don’t know what will push someone over the edge, that one more thing they can’t deal with for one more day. You don’t know unless you’ve been there, how it feels. Unless you’ve hit rock bottom and you don’t think you will ever see the sun again. Unless you know what hopelessness feels like, like there is no other way to stop the pain you are in.

Yes, we all at one time or another may have thought the world is better off without us, that the struggle is too much, that we just can’t make it through one more day.

But I am here by the grace of God, to say it can get better, it will get better if you just hold on, if you reach out for help, if you tell someone.

Life will always kick us down, it will always get tough but it will also get better. After every storm the sun comes back out…every storm. Same thing in your life, the sun will come out again, if you hold on.

I wish people would talk about this more, talk about their pain, their depression, their struggles so others see they are not alone.
I write this blog and I put all my life out here, even the really ugly because I am human, I make mistakes, I am in pain at times. I struggle, I get hurt, lied to, cheated on, I get knocked down but I am still here and grateful that I didn’t take my life, grateful years ago, God saved me from myself.

So that I can preach this message, never give up, get back up, bloody, bruised and hurt, get back up, the fight is not over, you still have a sun to see. It will get better, I am living proof of that.

My deepest condolences goes out to Kate Spade’s family and the millions of other familes that we don’t hear of that this happens to every day.

Please reach out for help, it saved me from myself, there is help out there.
Here is the information:

Prevention Lifeline

We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

1-800-273-8255

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Closet racism

Closet racism

Not that long ago I learned something about someone I was close to, something that shook me to the core as I would have never thought this about this person.

Maybe I am just naive, maybe I just want to see the best in people and can’t bring myself to think that people can actually be so hateful.

But this was out and out racism and was directed at two of my closest friends.
That and the fact that I heard it from them first hand, so I know it’s true.
I am thinking how do you hide that your a racist? Eventually it comes out, eventually it bleeds though and shows you for who you truly are.

What I am shocked about is how they held it together for so long, in front of me.
I say this because I have a gay best friend, my closest friends are 3 Puerto Ricans, a Native American, and a Jew. My church husband is black as well as all of my church family. My guardian angel is Nicaraguan and my girlfriend next door is Cuban, I have carribean friends, white friends, friends period…I have friends… I don’t see colors.

Yes, I have a melting pot of different colors, different religions, different ethnic backgrounds, different sexual orientations in my life and I love it. This is what brings the spice to my life, seeing, enjoying and being part of all of the differences, the different cultures and backgrounds that people are.

Yet, we all know or maybe like me, don’t know that there is always that closet racist among us. That there is always that one person who will still call you a racist slur, say something that makes you stop in your tracks and shake your head.

That person who hates anyone who is not like “they are” Who secretly wishes that it could be a white only race. That smiles at your face but behind closed doors talks a different tune.

I can’t believe that today, 2018, after we had a black president, we have gay marriages, we have come so far for equality for people who are different (Their words not mine)
That we still have people like this, people with such closed minds, such hardened hearts, yet this is a fact of life.

I refuse to be part of someone like that, I live my life on love, love one another, love thy self, love for everyone. I just posted a blog and video about tje power of love.The bible talks about love 585 times.
Love is what is going to heal us as a world, as a nation, as a neighborhood, but it starts with us.

So to my mixed up bunch of extremely different people, that I am blessed to share my life with, thank you…thank you for sharing your culture, your differences, your uniqueness, that something special, that makes you…you. I love all of you, for you.

So today my friends, remember there is always a hater out there, there is always going to be a closet racist, there will always be someone who can’t or won’t accept differences. Pray for them, send them love, keep doing you, you are magnificently made, own it and know there are so many more of us that don’t see colors, don’t see the differences, that just see the heart.

Let’s show the world love, love for all, that is the only thing that will heal us, that will bring us together and stop all of this closet racism.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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