I have been over with my ex for over two years and the three years before we broke up I started on working on myself.
I knew I was broken and I knew I needed to heal myself , I knew I couldn’t get into a relationship in the state I was in so I continued to work on my issues.
I really thought I was good, that I was healed, I forgave my ex for all the cruel things he had done in our marriage and I forgave myself for all I had done as well.
I started a new life, independent after twenty four years, paying my own bills, taking care of myself and my girls without the help of alimony or the very small child support I receive.
I was good, I was happy and I thought I had left the past in the past , that’s all good until you meet someone and now things change. Yes now you realize there might be a few suitcases you forgot to unpack.
Yes now I realize that there is more hurt and more doubt and fear that I thought I was past and here it is standing looking at me in the face “hey you thought I was gone, Not!”
No I worked hard at getting rid of you, hit the road! But the baggage was too heavy for me to throw out , so I had to open it and go through it one by one.
I had that chip in there the one that says “you got this , you need no help from anyone, back off!”
Then there is the “what do you want?you must want something?why are you doing this ?”
In the corner of the baggage I found “what if he breaks your heart?You’ve been hurt before do you really want to go through that again?”
and I found the “Do you really need someone in your life your happy now, if hes not perfect why bother” yea alot of us have that one!
I couldn’t believe how much stuff was in there, stuff I thought I had left behind and yet I still had a suitcase full.
So I am trying to sort through all of these issues one by one as they have been coming up and believe me if your trying to be in another relationship they are coming.
You can put that suitcase far back in that closet and trust me it will somehow get back to the front, it will chase you down the street, you will get voice mail and emails saying “hey I’m still here , you cant get away from me!”
It will hound you more than a bill collector. It is not going anywhere until you deal with it.
Tomorrow I will share my dirty laundry and how hard its been to pull it out and finally deal with it.
So today I hope as your getting ready for work and you once again trip on your bag instead of throwing it to the back of the closet once again, take a peak see what you brought with you to your new life and follow me through mine until then remember you can always change anything in your life.