Its amazing how when you are hurt, you want others to hurt. After 24 years of my verbally abusive marriage and when I didn’t get what I thought was due to me, like alimony and more child support, I was mad!
How could this be possible, how come I ensured 24 years of misery and get nothing? how does he win yet again? where is the fairness to it all? where is karma and how come it wasn’t doing its job?
So I decided to take it into my own hands, as we walked out of the court house I stuck my hand in his face and said
“what you have done on to me, has already been done onto you!”
It was the celie curse from the movie the Color purple, where he beats her and treats her like dirt even keeping her away from her sister but she gets the nerve to leave and curses him.
At the end of the movie he is a drunk, the house is falling apart with chickens and goats running through it and he hears the door and yells out “celie is that you?I’m sorry” too late you got yours, karma at its best.
I wanted that, I wanted him to suffer like me, sorry I am not perfect, yes I go church, I try to be a good person but I am human and I wanted him to hurt like he hurt me.
Last week he did something stupid with my girls and their friends and when they came over they proceed to tell me that he had no food in his house, they ate McDonalds all the time, there was only beer in the refrigerator, the house was a mess , it was falling apart and he was miserable.
You would think I’d be happy, “yes celie curse worked oh yeah good for you, you got what was coming to you!”
But instead I felt shame, shame that I wished bad on a person, let alone a man at one time I loved, that was the father to my children, what kind of person was I ?
I was a person who is learning Gods lessons, it is not for me to judge nor is it for me to think I should be jury. God will do that.
I got to start over, I am happy, so happy I could never imagine, I have peace in my heart, I love my life, I have an incredible home, incredible friends and family, I am so very blessed , I got what I wanted.
How could I wish bad on someone when I am so blessed? How can you have hatred in your heart and love at the same time? You cant, you must let one go, I chose to let go of anger and revenge and spitefulness.
You get what you out out there, I want to out out kindness and love, that is what I want to get and keep getting.
So I prayed for forgiveness, that I was so hurt at that time , I was lashing out in anger, anger I no longer have… so I am sorry, I no longer wish bad on you , I wish you happiness, I am trying to be a better person and every little step gets me closer to that goal.
So release your hurt, your anger, let karma do its job on its own, it doesn’t need help from you.