Rape is rape and it is never okay

Rape is rape and it will never be okay

Recently I have been part of this documentary called This is rape series, we came together with a bunch of survivors of rape and sexual molestation. We are  talking about this because we want to raise awareness to let everyone know that rape is rape, when a woman says no it’s no, period.

I am outspoken about this subject because it is near and dear to my heart and even after all these years, it seems we are still in the dark ages about this topic.

I remember the Stanford University student who raped a girl, he was a typical rich kid, handsome and privileged, so because of this people felt we should give him a free pass from raping someone?

His father thought so, even to publicly say it was only 15 minutes, like because his son was fast, it didn’t count? Are you frigging serious?

That 15 minutes will replay over and over in that poor young girls mind, millions of times, she will remember this 10 years from now, 20 years, even 40 years from now, believe me when I tell you this.

Its been almost 40 years for me and every time I hear a sickening story like this, it brings me right back to that day, like it was yesterday.

I can remember every detail, every emotion, even down to what the grass smelled like when he was done with me and threw me out of the car on the side of the road. How my lungs burned as I ran and ran for hours afterwards, how my skin burned from trying to scrub him off of me over and over until I collapsed in the bottom of the tub, my tears mixing with the now cold water, how I laid there for God knows how long with tears racking my body, how his face cursed my dreams night after night.
No, that “15 minutes” took over my life for years and years to come.

It took years of drug and alcohol addiction, years of guilt for me because I knew him and took a ride with him, I smoked a joint with him. Years of hatred towards him, years of being promiscuous, years of therapy. Until I finally came to forgiveness because I knew I couldn’t move on without doing that, it was more for me than him, believe me.

All of the people I have been blessed to meet through this project say the same thing over and over. How it affected their lives 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years later, how it affected their relationships and their self-esteem.

But no matter how many years later, it is for all of us, when we hear of this or Bill Cosby, even though we are at an amazing place in our lives right now, we still go there, it still brings us to that place, it’s just how it is.

Why is it still okay to justify this behavior? Why do we still have the good olde boys club in place letting this still happen? Why aren’t more people crying out to stop these injustices?

If it was your mother, your sister, your wife, you better believe men would step up faster and louder but its a  them, not us, attitude today, so many people think, it could never happen to us, wake up!

This is not just about walking in the park and someone jumps out and rapes you issue, this is a common problem. Especially in our colleges, with over privileged boys not having to own their actions. Famous celebrities and men with power that think they can get away with it, this is everywhere. It could be your uncle, your grandfather, your father even, and as I learned even your aunt, your babysitter as it happens to men as well.

When will we realize when a women says no, it means no period, end of story! When will we realize that when you touch someone against their will, it is sexual abuse.

Doesn’t matter if she knows him, doesn’t matter if they are dating, doesn’t even matter even if you are married, it is a women’s body and her choice. When she says no, thats it, cross that line and you buddy, become a common rapist, there is no sugar coating that!

So I say to this rich, untouchable Stanford University rapist dad and the many other people who feel this way, it’s not “just 15 minutes” it will never be 15 minutes for this young girl and for the rest of us survivors and it will never be okay, never!

So today my friends, stand up for what’s right, stand up for a women’s choice, speak out against this and the many other unthinkable crimes that are going on all over this world to women.
Do what’s right…this is never okay.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

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