Sometimes I forget who I am
Sometimes I let life overwhelm me, sometimes, because I’m human I get down and I question God.
I sometimes forget where I’ve been from, how many times I’ve been knocked down, how many people I’ve lost that I loved, how many things people have done against me and to me, throughout my life. How many times I’ve had my heartbroken and how many times I’ve trusted and been betrayed.
I forget that I hit rock bottom not once but twice, that I overcame drug and alcohol addiction, that I forgave my rapist and then went on to help others who were raped.
I forget that I survived 24 years in a verbally abusive marriage, that I walked out with nothing and started a business at the same time.
That I’ve overcame a fear that kept me stuck in a place of misery for so long.
I sometimes forget that I did a triathlon, even though I suck at swimming and hate to run, yet with a broken toe, a jelly fish bite to the ass and a thunder and lightning storm, I still placed 3rd in my age group on my first time.
I forgot that I walked on fire because I figured that might be a piece of cake after walking through fire for so many years.
I sometimes forget I have gotten so many things on my bucket list checked off and so many things my vision board that have came true because I never gave up, having hope and faith about what was going to happen in my future.
Sometimes when the darkness comes and covers me and life comes at me strong and hard, I sometimes forget who I am, what I can do and what I have accomplished. Those days when I cry myself to sleep, when I wonder why me and when will life ever give me my season, those days that I am human and I hurt yet again.
I sometimes cannot see where I have been, the journey I have taken, the obstacles I’ve endured and the successes I’ve had, in believing in myself. It is those days, those days that are the darkest, when you cannot see your accomplishments and how far you’ve come, I know I will be okay. I know that just like the Bible verse, “Sorrow only last for a night but joy comes in the morning”
I know that in the morning that God will fill my heart with peace, with love, with joy and fill my mind with all that I have done and show me how far as I have come, to teach me that this is just all just a test for my testimony. That I will get through this just as I have got through everything else in my life, that I am not down for good, that this is just a set back. It is in those moments that I pull myself back up, I dry my tears, I lift my head, and I give thanks to my God for getting me through all I thought I could never get through before.
It is with his grace & mercy that I survived each and every day, it is with him that I continue to go on, it is with his faith that I know that one day it will be my season, one day I will be where I want to be, have the man he chose for me, the calling he has for my purpose, it is in his time and not mine and that gives me the strength to go on.
Sometimes I forgot what real strength is and that I always had it inside of me.
And just like the unforgettable quote from the movie The Wizard of Oz, I remember that:
“You always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself”
“Be the change you want to see”
“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”
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