Thursday Treadmill Treats
The depths of addiction
Recently I have been thinking a lot about my former best friend. I forgave her for all she did to me for a while now but lately she has been on my mind.
And I can just hear my cousin now saying
“Please, after all she did to you, screw her”
But I realize better than anyone that it was the addiction that made her do all she did.
Although I have never robbed, lied or stole for my addiction, it was pretty bad and I know the way you feel until you to get your next high.
Its like something is taken over your body and all you can think about is the next high.
For me it was to cover up the pain I was feeling and wasn’t dealing with. When I came down all the pain came back so it was easier to get high then to deal with the issues.
There before the grace of God goes I…yes, I could have easily been there, I was going down that path but God…
Somehow in a lucid moment I realized this would kill me if I continued and so I asked for help and pulled myself out of that black hole.
Was it easy? Oh please nothing comes easy! No, it meant I had to deal with the real issues, the ones that drove me to drink and do drugs in the first place.
Yes, addiction takes over your mind, your body, your soul, you do things you never would normally do.
Okay cuz…I hear you…its not an excuse to be a asshole, I get that but if she wasn’t on drugs she wouldn’t be doing these things.
You don’t walk away from your children, you don’t screw the people you love over, you wouldn’t lie and cheat and steal if you were in your right mind. Drugs make you forget common sense, they make all of your decency go out the window, your mind is going one way… get me to the drug…
You have no heart, you no longer think of others feelings, you no longer care about anything but the high.
It consumes your every waking moment, every thought and when you do come down and the thoughts of the destruction of what you have done come into your mind, all you want to do is get high some more to forget them.
No, none of this is an excuse, we have free will, you chose to start using or to relapse, yes, its a choice.
The more times you relapse the harder it is to start over as you’ve already burnt all your bridges. No one trusts you, no one believes you but that doesn’t mean you cannot change if you truly want to.
Nothing is impossible…but you first must admit you have a problem. You first must take responsibility for your actions, you must ask for forgiveness, you must work the steps.
Again you have to want this, no amount of love, begging or crying from anyone else will do it, you have to do this.
Most times it means hitting rock bottom, it took me to wake up on my drug dealers floor after a 7 day binge with puke stuck to my face to realize this was the bottom for me and this was not where I wanted to go with my life.
I hope one day she will hit the bottom so she will cry out for help, knowing this is not how she wants to live anymore. Yes, I pray for her every day even after all the pain she caused me because I know her struggle and I know the person she is when she is not on drugs.
Now don’t get this twisted, we will never be friends again like we were but that doesn’t mean I can’t pray for her, that I cant hope that she gets the help she needs, be the mom that her children need.
Yes, I will continue to pray and one day maybe she will realize what she is doing with her life.
So today my friends remember you don’t realize what others are going through, they might be living in their own hell…
Addiction is a powerful force that can ruin a person’s life, try to reach out to help someone, get the help if this is you. Anything is possible….change is real, you just have to want it bad enough….
“Be the change you want to see”
“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”
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