Thursday Treadmill Treats
Your still there why?
This month is National Domestic Violence month and since this is near and dear to my heart I wanted to write about some of the reasons why we stay.
It’s really easy to say to someone “You should just leave or why do you put up with this?”
Believe me it is definitely easier said than done, if it was that simple we wouldn’t have a whole month just for this epidemic.
First of all it doesn’t start all at once, the abusers are slick, they know their job and they are experts at it.
They will wine and dine you, they will make you think your the only women in the world, they will say all the things you want to hear.
They will be romantic, they will sweep you off your feet so much so, your head will be spinning and before you know it your in love, deep in love with this person.
That is when they will start little by little, one comment, them saying they don’t like this friend or that one but they will make it seem like they are doing it for your good, that they love you and want to see the best for you.
Then they will make a comment about your cooking or cleaning or the way you look and because you love them so much and want to please them, you will try to do better. You will kill yourself to always have a clean home or to look good.
Then they will threaten to leave you when you have a fight, they will threaten to take your children away, your in love, crazy in love with them and so you will do anything for them to stay.
All the while in the beginning when they say something or do something towards you, afterwards they will apologize, bring you flowers, profess their sorrow with sweet things you long to hear.
They are buttering you up for the kill. After they know they got you where they want you…like when you gave up all your friends and family, you have children together or you left your career to spend all your time doing for him and now you truly are dependent on him, that’s when its over.
Now he can say anything he wants to, he can verbally abusive you, he can and will slap the piss out of you and he knows your not going anywhere.
They will withhold love and affection, they will turn it around to think its your fault and you’ll end up apologizing for something you didn’t do. Yes, they know all the tricks, they are masters.
He is now no longer your lover, he is now your captor and your his prisoner just as sure as if you were in jail, except he doesn’t need bars.
No, he has beaten you down so much and for so long, little by little, that your afraid to leave, the door can be wide open yet you are afraid you can’t make it without him, that you literally won’t survive because he’s programed you to think this.
Now you may be thinking this only happens to poor women or uneducated women, again your wrong this can happen to anyone.
I was an college educated, middle class women with her own home and business.
I was independent and outspoken and I never let any man get away with any kind of nonsense ever, yet here I was in this situation.
Over the years as I’ve spoken out on this very subject, I’ve heard from thousands of women, professional women, professors, Doctors, women with Mba’s, intelligent, independent, street smart women from all walks of life, all economical backgrounds yet we were all sisters in this horrible life.
I am here to tell you it can happen to anyone. I am here to tell you to listen to your gut as all of these women said the same thing, they knew something was off, that they shouldn’t get married ect.
But that their man was so charming, so sweet and they were so in love that it blinded their good judgment.
So today my friends remember these words, listen to your intuition and run, don’t get sucked in to their game.
And if your in this situation now, trust me there is a life out there for you. You can do this, don’t listen to him, that is his control speaking in your head.
I cry almost every day that I am free, I am grateful for everything I got even if it not what I use to have before, its mine and it didn’t cost me my soul.
Get help, go online, call the hotlines, there are plenty of us out there, who got out, who are willing to help out.
Email me, I can give you numbers and people who can help.
This is my life mission and I can speak for the others that have been there as well, we will help you, we are sisters for life.
Don’t stay in it one more second! Life is too short and your life is worth so much more than you think it is right now. Remember you are not alone!
Here are some links to get you started:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
“Be the change you want to see”
“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”
My new book The blessing in Disguise
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